OPEN LETTER TO LIBERALS, DEMOCRATS, LIBTARDS AND THE GENERAL WOKE MOB

I see too many fuckers in here gripping their ethically sourced oat milk latte so hard the cardboard sleeve is whimpering, staring at footage of us, actual Venezuelan human beings who have spent the last decade eating sleep for dinner, cheering for the Orange Man.

HOW DARE WE, RIGHT!?

And it hurts, doesn’t it? It feels like your brain is trying to divide by zero while some asshole kicks your junk with Delta Force boots.

Since I know you ain't gonna read all this, this is the summary: FUCK YOU and your "ACKSHUALLY..." gag reflex.

Too bad your squirrel mind can't fathom a guy in Caracas, who has lost 40 pounds because of a collapsing economy and whose local currency is less valuable than a used napkin, is weeping with joy because he thinks 47th is his ticket out of a socialist fever dream.

And yes, we have been waiting for this moment for literal DECADES.

But your immediate, lizard-brain reaction is to push up your glasses, scoff and say, "Um, ACKSHUALLY, do these Venezuelans realize that Trump’s stance on globalism is intellectually inconsistent with the neoliberal framework required for true South American stability?"

No, you absolute dipshit. We don't.

Because we’re too busy being excited about the possibility of living in a country where Maduro's colectivos won't shoot us in the face with a sawed off shotgun, JUST FOR WALKING DOWN THE STREET.

You're more worried about the optics of a right-wing populist getting a win than you are about the fact that Maduro’s government has been running a nationwide "Hunger Games" reality for years, and nobody, not you, not the 'international community' has cared one bit about us through all this.

You: "But Trump is a threat to our institutions! He's literally HITLER!!1"

Gonna tell you a personal anecdote, you liberal POS. I personally know a guy who was snatched off the street just for BEING IN THE WRONG WHATSAPP GROUP.

The guy was disappeared for almost a year. His family didn't know if he was dead or alive, or where he was detained. Nothing.

AND HE DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE HE WAS IN THAT WHATSAPP GROUP.

A FUCKING WHATSAPP GROUP.

And yes, that's the reason I'm Venezuelan, I'm living in EUROPE (shocking, right? how do Venezuelans exist outside Venezuela, you might ask!?) and I can't enter the country anymore. Or at least, not yet. Because I would disappear without a trace. Just like your abroadian-lifestyle-funding tax money in the liberal blue shithole you live right now.

Any Venezuelan would literally vote for a sentient head of lettuce if it promised to stop these motherfuckers from torturing and raping our families.

I WISH I WAS JOKING, YOU PIECE OF SHIT.

Your very own problem is that you view the world through a lens of virtue-cosplay. To you, supporting the "wrong" person is a social death sentence.

You can't fathom that for us, politics isn't about "identity" or "discourse".

For us, politics have become a matter of SURVIVAL.

And we have been betrayed SO MANY TIMES by the so-called political opposition, we're tired of all this shit. We've grown too old and too weary to listen to your whining about 'International Law'.

If a guy saves you from a bear attack, you don't stand over your bleeding shins and lectursplain to him about his shitty tweets from 2016.

You say "Thank you."

And I'm PROUD to THANK Donald Fucking J. Trump for this.

But to you, modern liberal, rot of all societies, our "Thank You" is the real tragedy here, because it means the "Bad Man" got a nice gold star. Utter narrative fuckery that rains diarrhea on your carefully curated, elitist worldview.

So, while you're busy writing a 14-part thread about how our celebrations are "uninformed" or "dangerous for the global narrative," we are celebrating because we see a light at the end of a very long, very dark, very hungry tunnel.

We don't give a SINGLE FLYING FUCK about being tweetshamed by some prick in a Brooklyn loft. We're worried about not dying in the bowels of El Helicoide. Google that, coño e' tu madre.

So take your "nuance", put it inside a pineapple and shove the whole thing up your ass. We are allowed to be happy that our dictator is going to wear an orange jumpsuit, even if the guy helping us do it makes your therapist rich.