So anyways, I’m sad.

Nothing’s ever gonna get better, I’ll always be like this and in a couple of years I’ll end up alone probably high or drunk, going through my life as I’m bleeding out waiting to die. And as I’m taking my last breaths I’ll think “damn, I never had a chance.”

I won’t wake up tomorrow and that’s an order.

For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to watch tiktoks about bpd and ocd and cry.

It’s kinda sad how I’m just realizing now all those things I’ve felt since I can remember was caused by this thing and I always blamed myself for not thinking or acting “normal”.

Anyways whatever, my main focus rn is to become insane enough to be hospitalized.

I think logically the next step would be hallucinating and hearing voices.

Wait-

I hereby declare “cold”. At last people, the viruses have won.

All the hand washing and where did it get me?

This was literally the worst time for me to cancle my therapy session.

اخرین باری که مریض شدم چون حوصله نداشتم بعد هرکاری میکنم دستامو بشورم و کامپالسیو اکت کنم هیچی نمیخوردم. اخرش تو حموم پاهام پا نکرد سرمم گیج رفت افتادم. الان نمیدونم حالم (ocd wise) بدتره یا بهتر ولی از ظهر که بیدار شدم دو بار از تختم بیرون اومدم و هر بار مجبور شدم برم حموم.

واقعاً دارو‌ها دارن عالی عمل می‌کنن.

اوکی این روانپزشکه دو ماه پیش گفته بود سه ماه دیگه بیا، ولی مجتبی گفت برم داروهامو عوض کنه چون همینجوری که میبینیم داره عالی پیش میره. و مجبور شدم وقت فردامو کنسل کنم.