“Move, you’re not a tree.”

Some of the greatest words every spoken.

Yes hello

Seen a lot of "live each day as if it was your last", indeed a powerful mindset that I respect

Yet I much prefer "Live each day as if it was a miracle"

It is hard to truly define and measure one’s decision-making abilities. But when you look at the broader picture, you can always tell if someone is good at making decisions or not. There are a few things that separate good decision-makers and those with a tendency to pick the wrong option.

One of those things is the ability to separate emotion from decision. In fact, the more emotional you are at the moment of making a decision, the more likely you are to make the wrong one. However, it’s also important to take into consideration that, in some cases, empathy can be used to make the right choices.

Empathy can be defined as the ability to understand emotions and feelings of other people. Having empathy for others might cause a person to consider the impact their decisions will have on others before making a decision. Empathy can also help a person understand the perspective of others and see the situation from their point of view, which can be helpful in resolving conflicts or finding mutually beneficial solutions.

On the other hand, decision-making that is driven solely by empathy can sometimes lead to biased or unbalanced decisions, as the decision-maker may prioritize the feelings or needs of one person or group over others. It is important for decision-makers to strike a balance and consider the broader context and potential consequences of their decisions.

So in short, in order to improve your decision-making, you must put your own emotions aside and use empathy to broaden your perspective and accept different viewpoints.

This will help you get a better grasp of the situation at hand but also understand the stakes of each person concerned with your decision (if any).

Ultimately, this gives you a larger choice of alternatives as you explore all potential solutions. By visualizing the bigger picture, you can make a more informed decision, as long as it is not driven solely by emotion.

One last thing that you should remember is that your past wrong decisions are a source to learn from about yourself and your tendencies. Reviewing where things went wrong allows you to learn from your past mistakes and avoid making the same ones again.

In short:

- Put emotions aside
- Use empathy to broaden your perspective
- Consider all alternatives
- Weigh pros and cons
- Avoid making the same mistakes

It is not that hard when you put it this way.

But decision-making can be challenging if you don’t approach it methodically, which is why the first step is to be objective. Because as long as you will worry and stress out about situations, you will keep approaching them the wrong way and end up going with the wrong choice

Join this space tomorrow if you have some time.

Usually lasts an hour, going to be an extremely interesting topic.

You might learn a few things

https://twitter.com/EgoDriv/status/1615013777270865921

WHO ARE YOU?

That's not a question I am asking you.

That's a question I invite you to ask yourself.

Because no matter what your answer is, that's what will define how I will see you (or anyone else).

Truth is:

People do not take the time to actually define themselves.

If you're one of those, I cannot stress enough how important it is that you take the time to ask yourself the right questions.

Who am I?

What do I think of myself?

Who do I want to become?

How can I become the person I want?

What am I insecure about? How can I fix it?

Who can I really count on? Why?

Unless you assess and put your finger on these things, it will be extremely difficult for you to feel fulfilled.

Unlike video games, life does not give you a stats menu.

But that's a good thing.

Why is it a good thing?

Because you get to pick which stats matter.

You get to choose what aspects of your life you deem important and worth improving.

Yes, I know money is one of the most important stats, that's what most people are constantly after.

But let me ask you something:

How do you plan on making more money if you don't even know what you're good/bad at?

We were born in an era of capitalism.

Your main capital is yourself. Invest in that.

Do an inventory of what's in your head and what you can offer to the world.

Explore yourself. Challenge yourself. Grow.

That's just how it works.

Or else, what happens?

What happens is that you will find yourself in a job you hate, surrounded by people you despise, living a life that feels like it's not yours.

You will feel like an impostor in your own life.

My friend, that's no way to be.

You have to want more.
You have to demand more from yourself.

But first, you have to get to know what hand you've been dealt.

Not doing introspective work (regularly to keep yourself in check) is like playing poker without looking at your hand.

You don't know where that will lead you.

That uncertainty will grow on you and create stress and feeling unfulfilled.

Is that what you want?

Is that the life you think you deserve?

I think you deserve better.

Do you agree?

Starting soon

How to Stop Being A People-Pleaser

There are way too many down sides to pleasing everyone.

One of them being taken advantage of and even disrespected by most people.

While the intention comes from a good heart; consequences on both social life and mental state are enormously harmful.

Being a people pleaser usually comes from lack of self-confidence.
They will subconsciously think that other's satisfaction is worth more than theirs.

In an attempt not to hurt their feelings or make others feel better about themselves, they will let others step on them.

While there is some sort of satisfaction in being altruistic, being a people pleaser is nothing but harm to every aspect of your persona

A people pleaser is NOT altruistic

They do so because they feel like they're not good enough to stand up to others
Nothing honorable about it

The first thing you want to do if you see yourself as a people pleaser but want to change that, is the following:

Make your opinion heard.

No matter how small or irrelevant the topic is, you should always have your own opinion on it.

Don't just agree with whoever is around.

Second thing is avoid apologizing to often, especially when you think you did nothing wrong.

Easier said than done for some people

Resist the urge of saying sorry just to get over with an uncomfortable situation.

Preserve your self-worth, after all you didn't do anything wrong

Third, stop worrying about disappointing others.

Just like you are understanding of their situation and feelings, they should be able to understand when you refuse to please them.

You don't owe anyone anything.

Realizing what you do wrong is the first step to fixing it.

Take small steps and do small changes on a daily basis.

There is absolutely no need for you to please anyone; but that you already know.

Fourth, force yourself to get out of your comfort zone.

By that I mean, reacting when people try to take advantage of you.

Although it is surely not easy for you to go to conflict, you should try to stop avoiding it.

Conflict is essential to life.
Practice and get good at it.

One thing that might help with accountability on the long run is the following:

Once you get home at the end of your day;

Write down all the times you said yes when you wanted to say no.
Write down the things you did while not wanting to do them.

Forcing yourself to realize those events will not let your subconscious bury it in memories

Side note:

Try implementing the advice of this thread progressively.

Trying to switch from black to white in no time will only lead you to becoming toxic.

You don't want to lose everyone around you, but you also don't want everyone around you to use you.

Find that balance.

Everyone wants to be influential.

Everyone wants to be charismatic.

Everyone wants to be magnetic and inspiring.

Here is how you can increase your social standing without seeking status symbols and without selling your soul to the devil.

1 - Stop Trying to Impress/Fit/Please:

This is the most common mistake.

This makes your whole approach wrong and your efforts worth nothing.

This is what leads people to become invasive and come off as needy try-hards.

It’s just wrong.

By trying to impress and fit, you sacrifice your authenticity and genuineness.

Which are literally everything.

2- Stop faking it, just be:

We all sense it when someone is pretending to be what they’re not.

It just stinks fakeness from miles away.

Drop this shit.

You’re overcomplicating this.

Copying others or pretending to be someone you’re not will never bring you respect.

It will do the exact opposite.

3- Positively Impact Your Environment:

What makes someone memorable?

Not their words. Not their outlook.

Their behavior and its impact on the people around them.

Instead of trying to improve your image in people’s eyes, try improving the quality of the time they spend around you.

I am NOT inciting you to go into people-pleasing.

I am telling you to stop being fake and/or boring.

How?

It’s easy.

3- Cultivating Passion:

If nothing is fueling your soul, you are de facto boring.

If there is nothing that interests you, how could you be interesting?

This is the main problem.

Most people suffer from plain and simple apathy.

The way around this is to actually define yourself and introduce yourself to yourself.

Sounds silly? Ok, then when was the last time you defined your 3 main interests? When was the last time you defined your core values? If someone asked you who you are; how many things would you have to say?

So let’s fix this.

Here is a little homework.

Define 3 things you love to spend your time on.

Define 5 principles you cannot betray.

Write down where you are in life professionally, emotionally, financially etc…

Write down goals for the coming decades, where are you going?

Define your routine

Define your ideal day (the routine you wish for)

It’s not about figuring out how to get there, it’s about knowing what “there” means.

Now that you’ve defined these things, had a small introspection; it’s time to be that person you described.

The idea here is to come up with your own sort of Manifesto.

Your own reference, a dedicated notebook where you express yourself and help yourself visualize and put your ideas into words and set up goals from there. This is your compass.

4- Value Your Word:

Most people either talk too much or not enough.

That’s because they either don’t value what comes out of their mouth or are too scared of how people will react to it.

Simple fix: Pick your words carefully while making sure you voice your opinion when needed.

You see, you don’t want to be invasive nor would you want other to see you as someone they can step on.

It’s important that you don’t become a “yes man” as much as it is important that you learn how to compromise.

This is why you need to learn the art of negotiation.

So you can properly defend your opinions and interests without making enemies.

Someone who can come up with win-win alternatives is someone people look up to.

Be that person. The problem solver.

A short story

Original post

Do not prepare for moments of doubt for 2 reasons:

- Moments of doubt need a new perspective, you will never be completely ready for it anyway.

- If your plan fails, you will feel like you've done everything you could. When it's not the case.

You have to acknowledge the fact that slow periods and doubtful moments are a blessing in disguise. They allow you to recollect and restructure. They allow you to fix your problems and keep going forward.

But if you fear them, and do everything to be "ready" for them, all you do is set it to last longer or force yourself to stay in the wrong direction.

You have to accept that things won't always work exactly how planned without being too fearful of it.

Look forward to it, as new obstacles and challenges are what makes you grow.

No matter how painful it can be, it is still the pain of growth.

And that is priceless.

Do you expect it to be easy?

If yes, I have another question for you...

Are you stupid?

If the answer to both questions is No, then you do realize that there is no alternative for putting in the reps and being consistent.

With time, what once seemed too hard and impossible will become too easy and nothing but a formality.

But the trick is to never get complacent, never feel like you've got it all.

You have to constantly keep pushing yourself for more.

All while being grateful for what you've achieved so far.

But that comes later.

What you first must do is lay out a plan to follow, a vision, a North star.

You need something to guide you or else you will cave in to temptations too easily.

And that's not easy feat.

We live in a time where everything is tailored to stimulate you and capture your attention.

You need to be smart enough to get your priorities straight.

You need a clear enough plan so you don't get lost along the way.

You need a strong willpower to be patient and trust the process.

You need enough self-awareness to realize that the long term game is where the gains at.

And you need to maintain those things every day.

Or else?

You're no better than the average man.

Is that what you want?

I'm sure it's not.

So let's start with the right questions...

What is it you truly want?
What's stopping you from getting it?
How can you get past that?

You see, just like you will understand people better by asking them questions, you will understand yourself better by asking the right questions.

As cheesy as it may sound:

You won't get the answers if you never ask.

I know it's hard to get unplugged from the routine and stress of the daily life.

But it has to come from you.

Do you want it bad enough?

If yes, you will save some time to work on your future.

You will stop living on autopilot and simply react to what life throws at you.

Start building, stop experiencing.

You were meant for way more than just being a spectator in other people's game.

Become a player.
Make moves.

You know it's the right thing to do.

I will start writing on Substack.

No paid tier, it will be completely free.

It's still ugly and I haven't set it up yet, but subscribe here to get my first posts (should roll out next week).

Egodriv.substack.com

Will still write for Basedonia, don't you worry ❤️🥂

Stop confusing yourself. Stop committing to a thousand thing and finishing up none.

In order to create tunnel vision, absolute focus and relentless pursuit:

You MUST reduce the distractions, you must make sure nothing disturbs your attention.

And that can only be done if you have a proper plan.

If your vision is weak, the instructions unclear then your mind is vulnerable to distraction. That will lead you to only one thing: Giving up.

Make a precise plan, follow through it religiously, adapt when faced with challenges and do that for a considerable period of time.

Long enough to have enough information to know if you're on the right track or not.

If you are, keep going.

If you're not, take a moment to analyze where it went wrong and learn your lessons before moving on to something else.

It's a win-win deal, just trust the process enough to get valuable lessons or undoubted results.

Don't get distracted, don't try to do too many things at once, just put all your attention into one thing and fucking do it the best way you can.

You can do this.

Have a blessed week.

It gets hard to break the cycles and patterns you’re in.

Consistent actions form this negative loop that constantly feeds off your willpower and joy of life. And before you know it, you feel powerless and out of context.

Way too many people, men especially, feel that the world has no meaning. That life has no meaning. That THEY have no meaning.

And it’s not easy to break out as I said.

It is hard to see the light when you’re surrounded by negativity.

But that’s because you’re looking in the wrong direction.

The negative feedback loop forced you into a vicious cycle that limits your perception.

But if you could think out of the box for one second; put things into perspective, you’d be able to understand that your fulfillment is your own responsibility.

That all it takes, is one pattern-breaking action, done consistently.

Just do it once.

Go to the gym once.

Draft out business idea.

Go talk to that girl.

But just, for your own sake, break that pattern.

Pick up the habit of going out your way and experiencing life from different aspects.

This one time, will open the door for new possibilities.

And as you iterate and repeat the process, you become better at whatever it is you’ve started doing.

That’s where joy happens.

Once you realize that one small decision, repeated over time, brings you results that you’re proud of.

You’ve picked up momentum.

The beauty of embracing a virtuous cycle.

Let me explain:

The idea of "embracing a virtuous cycle" refers to the process of establishing a desirable behavior pattern that leads to increasingly favorable results. The presence of a positive feedback loop, in which one positive action leads to another and, eventually, results in a number of positive consequences, is one of the defining characteristics of a virtuous cycle.

This results in the creation of a sustainable cycle of development, progress, and achievement that ultimately leads to ongoing success over the course of time. The objective is to establish a pattern of good occurrences that reinforce and build upon one another, which will ultimately lead to unending development and success.

This can only be done if you decide to stop pitying yourself and break that pattern of discomfortable comfort. That illusion of security that makes your life boring.

Spice it all up.

Break patterns. Take more risks.
Actually live your life.

Losing motivation means you're losing touch with your vision. You're not grasping it as well as you did at the start. Such bottleneck points are necessary, they allow you to adjust and reconsider your choices and decisions. This adaptability allows you to deal with new given parameters that you couldn't have foreseen until you start following your initial plan.

I often talk about the importance of having a plan, but what I often forget to mention is that your plan is there to be adjusted and questioned. Being open to change allows you to not limit yourself as more opportunities multiply before you. It allows you to limit what you're missing out on while your plan helps you filter what will simply waste your time.

But there is a very thin line to walk. Where you seize the adequate opportunities without straying away from your main goals. This is why you must take into consideration these low moments where doubts increase and the end goal gets blurry.

As I've said before, you don't have to prepare for them. You'd ruin the joy of solving out unpredictable problems. But at the same time, you should make sure to make those moments count. To help you reassess and learn, so that you reduce the likelihood of the same problems occurring again.

In short, you need to have a plan and be ready to adapt to it. Give yourself a north star and keep figuring it out on the way.

Maintaining this important balance is how you keep learning while you're taking action towards your goals. Or else, you'll miss out on important lessons and risk never getting where you wanted to get in the first place.

You have been lied to: There is nothing wrong with being competitive.

What is wrong is envy and cheating.

But being competitive in the sense where you demand the absolute best from yourself is definitely good for you.

Of course, as in anything else, it should be a conscious desire to improve yourself and not a malicious intent to be superior to others.

You see, the why I like to put it is:

I don't want to be better than you, I just want to be the best.

Because I only accept excellence from myself.

If anyone can do it, then I can also do it.

Not because I envy them, but because they inspire me.

This mental shift goes a long way. This genuine & healthy sense of competition leads to higher competence for everyone involved.

All competitors will surpass themselves and do all they can. This increases the standards of the whole competition. It makes everyone better.

There is a reason the words "Competition" and "Competence" have the same etymology: Compete.

The act of "striving (alongside another) for the attainment of something"

Alongside and not against.

And when that something is competence not prestige or comparison, then your sense of competitiveness is in fact healthy.

Do not settle for participation trophies.