It gets hard to break the cycles and patterns you’re in.

Consistent actions form this negative loop that constantly feeds off your willpower and joy of life. And before you know it, you feel powerless and out of context.

Way too many people, men especially, feel that the world has no meaning. That life has no meaning. That THEY have no meaning.

And it’s not easy to break out as I said.

It is hard to see the light when you’re surrounded by negativity.

But that’s because you’re looking in the wrong direction.

The negative feedback loop forced you into a vicious cycle that limits your perception.

But if you could think out of the box for one second; put things into perspective, you’d be able to understand that your fulfillment is your own responsibility.

That all it takes, is one pattern-breaking action, done consistently.

Just do it once.

Go to the gym once.

Draft out business idea.

Go talk to that girl.

But just, for your own sake, break that pattern.

Pick up the habit of going out your way and experiencing life from different aspects.

This one time, will open the door for new possibilities.

And as you iterate and repeat the process, you become better at whatever it is you’ve started doing.

That’s where joy happens.

Once you realize that one small decision, repeated over time, brings you results that you’re proud of.

You’ve picked up momentum.

The beauty of embracing a virtuous cycle.

Let me explain:

The idea of "embracing a virtuous cycle" refers to the process of establishing a desirable behavior pattern that leads to increasingly favorable results. The presence of a positive feedback loop, in which one positive action leads to another and, eventually, results in a number of positive consequences, is one of the defining characteristics of a virtuous cycle.

This results in the creation of a sustainable cycle of development, progress, and achievement that ultimately leads to ongoing success over the course of time. The objective is to establish a pattern of good occurrences that reinforce and build upon one another, which will ultimately lead to unending development and success.

This can only be done if you decide to stop pitying yourself and break that pattern of discomfortable comfort. That illusion of security that makes your life boring.

Spice it all up.

Break patterns. Take more risks.
Actually live your life.

Losing motivation means you're losing touch with your vision. You're not grasping it as well as you did at the start. Such bottleneck points are necessary, they allow you to adjust and reconsider your choices and decisions. This adaptability allows you to deal with new given parameters that you couldn't have foreseen until you start following your initial plan.

I often talk about the importance of having a plan, but what I often forget to mention is that your plan is there to be adjusted and questioned. Being open to change allows you to not limit yourself as more opportunities multiply before you. It allows you to limit what you're missing out on while your plan helps you filter what will simply waste your time.

But there is a very thin line to walk. Where you seize the adequate opportunities without straying away from your main goals. This is why you must take into consideration these low moments where doubts increase and the end goal gets blurry.

As I've said before, you don't have to prepare for them. You'd ruin the joy of solving out unpredictable problems. But at the same time, you should make sure to make those moments count. To help you reassess and learn, so that you reduce the likelihood of the same problems occurring again.

In short, you need to have a plan and be ready to adapt to it. Give yourself a north star and keep figuring it out on the way.

Maintaining this important balance is how you keep learning while you're taking action towards your goals. Or else, you'll miss out on important lessons and risk never getting where you wanted to get in the first place.

You have been lied to: There is nothing wrong with being competitive.

What is wrong is envy and cheating.

But being competitive in the sense where you demand the absolute best from yourself is definitely good for you.

Of course, as in anything else, it should be a conscious desire to improve yourself and not a malicious intent to be superior to others.

You see, the why I like to put it is:

I don't want to be better than you, I just want to be the best.

Because I only accept excellence from myself.

If anyone can do it, then I can also do it.

Not because I envy them, but because they inspire me.

This mental shift goes a long way. This genuine & healthy sense of competition leads to higher competence for everyone involved.

All competitors will surpass themselves and do all they can. This increases the standards of the whole competition. It makes everyone better.

There is a reason the words "Competition" and "Competence" have the same etymology: Compete.

The act of "striving (alongside another) for the attainment of something"

Alongside and not against.

And when that something is competence not prestige or comparison, then your sense of competitiveness is in fact healthy.

Do not settle for participation trophies.

The 4 Aces of Ego

My first Substack post is up.

Check it out here:

https://egodriv.substack.com/p/my-opening-statement-ego-is-not-the?sd=pf

I'm 18, just moved to Casablanca to study. I had never lived on my own before so this was all very new to me.

The university I decided to enroll in was known to be extremely hard. I had great grades in high school so I definitely had what it takes to succeed there.

But, as much as I was a good student, I already have a tendency to fuck things up and I was already getting mixed with the wrong people and taking drugs.

My move to another city was my opportunity to walk away from teenage debauchery and take my life seriously.

That was before I knew I had a validation seeking problem.

You see, at this point, I've already had my more than fair share of drug use. I had tried and experienced and it was time to move away from all that shit.

All the people in my class knew each other, I was one of the few people coming from another city. So I felt like I had something to prove.

I'd behave in a weird way just to show that I was a cool guy. So I met this guy, one of the worst people I've ever met. But for some reason I admired him.

He had this carelessness about him, but I failed to see how dangerous and irresponsible he was.

He was not an example but I put him on a pedestal.

I'd look up to him and I'd do whatever he would do but twice, just to impress him and prove that I'm like him and even better (but according to the wrong standards).

I trusted this guy blindly, and I considered him as a brother. But he was deeply troubled and he'd take me down a road I should never have taken.

We'd end up missing class, getting drunk and high at 8am.

Those are not the proudest moments of my life, I’ll admit.

But they taught me a lot.

I wasn’t fully aware of the consequences of my choices and behaviors.

I was on autopilot, letting my insecurities run the show.

This period of my life is what opened my eye to the necessity of a strong ego, not one based on insecurity and external validation.

It’s also the period of my life where I realized that there were more manipulators out there than “good” guys.

I understood that people do not always have your best interests at heart.

I’ve talked many times on here about some life mistakes I witnessed, but today I wanted to share with you part of my own background and fuck ups…

Just to tell you this:

Do not be naive.

Do not live to impress people.

Do not forget to pursue your goals.

Take the time to truly chart plans for yourself.

Plans that aim toward your own growth and improvement, not toward fitting in a group or being liked by someone.

I hated myself back then. Because as much as I didn’t realize it, I was living through the eyes of others.

I didn’t take the time to think about what I thought of myself.

Detach yourself from people’s opinion, the only person you need to prove shit to, is yourself.

For those who missed the 4 emails or simply want a document that groups them all, I'm attaching a PDF to this email with all the parts that I covered this week.

As promised, I will also expand on it and post the reviewed version on Substack.

If you're interested in the concepts of Self-Actualization and bringing order & clarity to your mind, you may want to check out the White Pill Program.

The Program is tailored to help you beat procrastination, organize your time, feel more confident and set goals for yourself, along with an action plan to actually reach them.

It lasts 3 weeks, so the commitment is short, but it lays down the foundation of a structured and organized life, driven by goals and intentional effort.

The White Pill is a set of various tasks and templates, so it really just feels like a game.

So if you're interested, check it out here.


E-go

We talked last week about finding your Ikigai and how to reach self-actualization (read full article here), but there is more to it than just planning it out.

As much as having a specific vision and a plan help you find your direction, there remains an important aspect that we tend to overlook: Your Inner Strength.

If you read last week's series, you know that your level of self-awareness and internal clarity is what fuels your growth and journey.

If that internal satisfaction is negatively affected by external factors, in other words, that results take time, many of us tend to give up or withdraw.

You stop desiring the things that you once wanted.

Not due to a change of heart, but due to the frustration of not getting what you want.

For the longest time, I thought the answer was to become obsessed with whatever I wanted to achieve.

Just full focus on it and you'll get it.

While this is half true, it's also half wrong.

When you're obsessed with results, you forget to enjoy the process.

Everything feels like a chore.

Even though you have a specific plan and idea, it will simply not feel natural.

And the moment you stop enjoying it, even that obsession you had will start fading away as frustration enters the room.

A balance of passion and obsession.

Passion for the process.

Obsession with the results.

Both passion and obsession entail intense emotions and attention, yet they differ in their motive and impact on your life.

The truth is, as in everything in life, there has to be a balance.

If you're passionate but not obsessed with getting results, you'd be playing the short-term game.

Instant over delayed gratification.

On the other hand, if you're obsessed but not passionate, you risk losing interest when results take time to come. So just as in the other case, you're still playing the short-term game.

Your passion is only worth something if it can get you results.

Your obsession will only be fulfilled if you're passionate about the process of it.

The rules are simple: Always keep balance.

In his book "Ego is the enemy", Ryan Holiday does not only paint the Ego as a negative force. In fact, he also discusses how a "well-managed" ego should be.

All fair. Except the noscript inspires something else.

But I'm not even going to criticize dishonest marketing.

There is a deeper flaw in that argument.

For Ryan Holiday's points to be valid, one has to look at Ego from a framework and lens that makes the ego either Rational or Emotional.

While this sounds good on the surface, this theory has been largely dismissed by psychologists and psychoanalysts.

And here are a few reasons why:

The concept of the emotional and rational ego is not supported by empirical investigation or scientific data. As a result, some psychologists challenge the concept's validity and practical application.

Oversimplification: The emotional and cognitive ego concepts are oversimplifications of human psychology. It implies that the ego can be neatly separated into two distinct categories, although the ego is a complex and diverse component of the self in reality.

Cultural and individual differences: Cultural and individual differences can have an impact on the emotional and intellectual components of the ego. Emotional expression, for example, may be promoted in some cultures but discouraged or restrained in others. Not to forget, based on their personality and life circumstances, some people may have a stronger emotional or rational orientation in their ego.

Inconsistency: The categories "emotional" and "rational" are both subjective and susceptible to interpretation. What one person thinks to be emotional or irrational may not be the same as what another person considers to be emotional or irrational.

There are inherent flaws in the concept of the emotional and intellectual ego.

But it is still a good start.

It can be a useful framework for understanding how the ego acts in human psychology. It is critical to realize the concept's limits and to use it as a jumping-off point for further exploration and comprehension of the complexity of the human psyche.

In short, Ryan Holiday did a sloppy job by not exploring the ego further. Taking one lens and approach does not cover the whole topic properly, as it deserves. The ego is such an important part of human psychology, there are simply deeper insights to gain into it than just labeling it as "the enemy", when other factors play paramount roles in how the ego is built and manifested.

This is a graph that explains more or less the duality of the Rational Ego and Emotional Ego.

This is an oversimplification.

While this may seem confusing at first, it's still a vulgar simplification of the complex concept of ego.

Respond to this post if you'd like me to explain this graph and explore other frameworks that help analyze and understand one's ego.

Yesterday, I sent an email explaining the perspective and framework that Ryan Holiday took to analyze Ego in his book Ego is the enemy. At the bottom, I added a graph and asked you if you'd like to learn more about it.

This post does exactly that. I've deleted the picture and will repost a new one because of a fatal typo.

The framework we're looking into is the idea of a rational vs emotive approach to the ego. According to this paradigm, the ego has both a rational and an emotional aspect that can be at odds with one another. The rational part of the ego is linked to logical thinking, planning, and problem-solving, whereas the emotional side is linked to emotional management, self-esteem, and identity.

This paradigm can help us understand how various components of our ego influence our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It is crucial to note, however, that the rational vs emotional divide is not a complete or universally recognized denoscription of the ego. It has limitations and may not represent the entire complexities of the concept of ego.

The way I see it, "rational" and "emotional" are at the same time limiting labels but also, paradoxically, too broad to define how ego is built.

While this may represent how ego manifests itself, I believe that it's building the ego and maintaining it within a frame of clarity so that you can properly understand the extent of it and the role it plays.

Judging the concept of ego on how it manifests itself feels like ignoring the big, important part:

What makes ego? What is it really?

So, I sent this graph (see below) to break it down into two elements:

Ego = Competence + Self-Awareness

In short:

The Blue Zone represents the childhood level where both our competencies and self-awareness are low. We'll get back to this zone at the end (1).

The Pink Zone represents a state of underconfidence, as your self-awareness grows more than your competencies, you start realizing that you're not as good as you should be. This is a dangerous zone to be in because your reaction to it can be crucial.

The Green Zone represents the self-hatred zone, which means that you focus too much on analyzing yourself than you did increase your competence. This is a result of taking the wrong perspectives in the pink zone. This is a zone of self-destruction and depression; somewhere you never want to find yourself. But still, it can be reverse-engineered (2).

The Red Zone represents a state of overconfidence, where you competence is relatively high but your awareness of yourself and your limitations is low. This creates an overestimation of yourself, most people at this stage have experienced more achievements than disappointments. The danger of being here is that you, might, end up in a zone of underconfidence very quickly depending on the intensity of the failures you could face. But in the opposite case, you might end up in the upper right zone.

The Black Zone represents a God complex, while this may be rooted in actual competence (sometimes it is rooted in insecurity (3) ), this is a stage of delusion and complete denial of one's limitations. This often causes arrogance, narcissistic disorders, and other mental issues.

Now, there are two things I'd like you to know and understand:

Self-Awareness grows through negative experiences that lead to self-reflection and objective analysis of one's thoughts and actions. This is negative reinforcement.

Competence is driven by achievements or the acquisition of new skills. This could have been represented by "Power" or "Perceived Competence". This is positive reinforcement.

Throughout the explanation, I noted put (1), (2) and (3). Those are some inconsistencies in this analysis. Refer to each point for context.

Let me explain:

1-The Childhood Zone is mainly out of our control, the ego being an internal element of the psyche, this framework would imply that our ego would be entirely determined by external factors that we experience during our childhood and would have nothing to do with our own character and free will. See the paradox here?

2-Since it is proven that positive psychology and cognitive behavioral therapy can reverse engineer a state of self-hatred and self-esteem issues, this implies that using a different framework, one can ensure never going down either the self-hatred zone or the God complex. In short, if you see things otherwise, all of this can be avoided.

3-This graph fails to encompass all sorts of paradoxes. Different people could react differently to being in different situations and zones of the graph. While this may be a general breakdown, it does not completely reflect reality.

There is an important element missing in this paradigm and that is the intentions behind one's actions. Whether they are driven by emotion or reason does not matter, but in your perception of what you do, it does. And it matters a lot.

It's not just what happens to you.

It's also what you intended to happen and how you react to the difference or similarity of the outcome.

As I said before, this is only one way of trying to understand the ego.

And the way I see it, it is an incomplete way of doing so.

I believe in this:

Life is a balance between a desire to become the best at what you do while constantly trying to improve yourself and being ready for feedback and criticism. When your sole intention is to genuinely get good at what you do, you see everything as an opportunity to learn.

And I do not think that this framework offers it.

It only contemplates different possibilities depending on two factors while ignoring the most important one: Intention.

To wrap this up, I have one question for you:

How do YOU see the concept of ego?

Revised version for reference to the last post

Without a strong ego, you will keep tolerating shitty behavior from people.
Without a strong ego, you will keep tolerating shitty behavior from yourself.
Without a strong ego, you will keep quitting because you won't be convinced that you can do it.

Without a strong ego, you're relegated to a secondary role in your own life.

As always, let's make this distinction:

A strong ego does not mean an "inflated" ego.

I don't like that term anyway, because ego cannot be measured in size.

Both an arrogant person and a person with low self-esteem have a weak ego.

A weak ego is one that is not internally validated.
A strong ego is the opposite.

It's as simple as that.

Ego isn't bad. But if it's weak, it will not play in your favor.

Don't self-sabotage.

Your friends don't matter:

Life has taught me that time is the most valuable resource a person can have.

If your "friends" aren't moving you forward in life, they're moving you backward.

To the concept of friends, I prefer the reality of allies.
An alliance is based on a shared benefit, the meetings are fruitful and lead to the improvement of the lives of the parties involved.

They are not based on emotions, but on converging interests.

Enhance and Improve.

Constantly.

There are two aspects to building healthy self-awareness. Because being self-aware for the sake of it, won't help you grow and reach your goals. Solve, don't just contemplate.

One of them is enhancing your existing strengths. This start by first acknowledging them and taking them into account. This is the enhancement part. If you're aware of your strengths, you will be eager to hone your skills and get even better.

On the other hand, you will also need to acknowledge your shortcomings and weaknesses. This is the improvement part of it. Shedding light on areas where you're not really good helps you identify which new abilities you need to work on and become aware of your limitations (with the intent of pushing them further of course).

Maintaining this balance of optimizing strengths while correcting weaknesses is what helps stay on track to reach your goals.

You are constantly growing, just make sure you're keeping the balance.

Do you have a goal that feels like it's out of reach?

Whatever your goal is, reaching the top of the mountain can feel like an insurmountable challenge. But it doesn't have to be.

The key to reaching the top is having both consistent action and structure. The structure is like the stairs that lead to the top of the mountain. You need a specific plan, broken down into manageable steps, that will take you from where you are now to where you want to be. Without structure, you're just wandering aimlessly, hoping you'll stumble upon success.

But even with a clear plan in place, you still need consistent action to make progress. This is like climbing each step, one by one until you reach the top. It's the daily actions that add up over time, helping you make steady progress toward your goal.

Of course, it's not always easy to stay on track. That's where accountability comes in. Think of journaling as the rope that keeps you from falling. By writing down your progress, you create a record of your journey and hold yourself accountable to the commitments you've made.

One thing to keep in mind as you climb is to avoid looking down. Focusing too much on the obstacles or setbacks in your path can be discouraging. Instead, keep your gaze fixed on the peak ahead of you, and use your setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow.

In fact, the concept of learned optimism suggests that by training yourself to view setbacks and challenges as opportunities for growth, you can cultivate a more optimistic and resilient mindset. This can help you stay motivated and focused as you work toward your goals.

So, if you're feeling stuck, remember this: To reach the top of the mountain, you need direction, structure, and consistency. With these elements in place, you can make steady progress toward your goal, and ultimately achieve the success you desire. And remember to keep your eyes on the prize, never look down with pessimism.

Have a blessed week!

New Substack:

Ego is on your team.