We talked last week about finding your Ikigai and how to reach self-actualization (read full article here), but there is more to it than just planning it out.

As much as having a specific vision and a plan help you find your direction, there remains an important aspect that we tend to overlook: Your Inner Strength.

If you read last week's series, you know that your level of self-awareness and internal clarity is what fuels your growth and journey.

If that internal satisfaction is negatively affected by external factors, in other words, that results take time, many of us tend to give up or withdraw.

You stop desiring the things that you once wanted.

Not due to a change of heart, but due to the frustration of not getting what you want.

For the longest time, I thought the answer was to become obsessed with whatever I wanted to achieve.

Just full focus on it and you'll get it.

While this is half true, it's also half wrong.

When you're obsessed with results, you forget to enjoy the process.

Everything feels like a chore.

Even though you have a specific plan and idea, it will simply not feel natural.

And the moment you stop enjoying it, even that obsession you had will start fading away as frustration enters the room.

A balance of passion and obsession.

Passion for the process.

Obsession with the results.

Both passion and obsession entail intense emotions and attention, yet they differ in their motive and impact on your life.

The truth is, as in everything in life, there has to be a balance.

If you're passionate but not obsessed with getting results, you'd be playing the short-term game.

Instant over delayed gratification.

On the other hand, if you're obsessed but not passionate, you risk losing interest when results take time to come. So just as in the other case, you're still playing the short-term game.

Your passion is only worth something if it can get you results.

Your obsession will only be fulfilled if you're passionate about the process of it.

The rules are simple: Always keep balance.

In his book "Ego is the enemy", Ryan Holiday does not only paint the Ego as a negative force. In fact, he also discusses how a "well-managed" ego should be.

All fair. Except the noscript inspires something else.

But I'm not even going to criticize dishonest marketing.

There is a deeper flaw in that argument.

For Ryan Holiday's points to be valid, one has to look at Ego from a framework and lens that makes the ego either Rational or Emotional.

While this sounds good on the surface, this theory has been largely dismissed by psychologists and psychoanalysts.

And here are a few reasons why:

The concept of the emotional and rational ego is not supported by empirical investigation or scientific data. As a result, some psychologists challenge the concept's validity and practical application.

Oversimplification: The emotional and cognitive ego concepts are oversimplifications of human psychology. It implies that the ego can be neatly separated into two distinct categories, although the ego is a complex and diverse component of the self in reality.

Cultural and individual differences: Cultural and individual differences can have an impact on the emotional and intellectual components of the ego. Emotional expression, for example, may be promoted in some cultures but discouraged or restrained in others. Not to forget, based on their personality and life circumstances, some people may have a stronger emotional or rational orientation in their ego.

Inconsistency: The categories "emotional" and "rational" are both subjective and susceptible to interpretation. What one person thinks to be emotional or irrational may not be the same as what another person considers to be emotional or irrational.

There are inherent flaws in the concept of the emotional and intellectual ego.

But it is still a good start.

It can be a useful framework for understanding how the ego acts in human psychology. It is critical to realize the concept's limits and to use it as a jumping-off point for further exploration and comprehension of the complexity of the human psyche.

In short, Ryan Holiday did a sloppy job by not exploring the ego further. Taking one lens and approach does not cover the whole topic properly, as it deserves. The ego is such an important part of human psychology, there are simply deeper insights to gain into it than just labeling it as "the enemy", when other factors play paramount roles in how the ego is built and manifested.

This is a graph that explains more or less the duality of the Rational Ego and Emotional Ego.

This is an oversimplification.

While this may seem confusing at first, it's still a vulgar simplification of the complex concept of ego.

Respond to this post if you'd like me to explain this graph and explore other frameworks that help analyze and understand one's ego.

Yesterday, I sent an email explaining the perspective and framework that Ryan Holiday took to analyze Ego in his book Ego is the enemy. At the bottom, I added a graph and asked you if you'd like to learn more about it.

This post does exactly that. I've deleted the picture and will repost a new one because of a fatal typo.

The framework we're looking into is the idea of a rational vs emotive approach to the ego. According to this paradigm, the ego has both a rational and an emotional aspect that can be at odds with one another. The rational part of the ego is linked to logical thinking, planning, and problem-solving, whereas the emotional side is linked to emotional management, self-esteem, and identity.

This paradigm can help us understand how various components of our ego influence our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It is crucial to note, however, that the rational vs emotional divide is not a complete or universally recognized denoscription of the ego. It has limitations and may not represent the entire complexities of the concept of ego.

The way I see it, "rational" and "emotional" are at the same time limiting labels but also, paradoxically, too broad to define how ego is built.

While this may represent how ego manifests itself, I believe that it's building the ego and maintaining it within a frame of clarity so that you can properly understand the extent of it and the role it plays.

Judging the concept of ego on how it manifests itself feels like ignoring the big, important part:

What makes ego? What is it really?

So, I sent this graph (see below) to break it down into two elements:

Ego = Competence + Self-Awareness

In short:

The Blue Zone represents the childhood level where both our competencies and self-awareness are low. We'll get back to this zone at the end (1).

The Pink Zone represents a state of underconfidence, as your self-awareness grows more than your competencies, you start realizing that you're not as good as you should be. This is a dangerous zone to be in because your reaction to it can be crucial.

The Green Zone represents the self-hatred zone, which means that you focus too much on analyzing yourself than you did increase your competence. This is a result of taking the wrong perspectives in the pink zone. This is a zone of self-destruction and depression; somewhere you never want to find yourself. But still, it can be reverse-engineered (2).

The Red Zone represents a state of overconfidence, where you competence is relatively high but your awareness of yourself and your limitations is low. This creates an overestimation of yourself, most people at this stage have experienced more achievements than disappointments. The danger of being here is that you, might, end up in a zone of underconfidence very quickly depending on the intensity of the failures you could face. But in the opposite case, you might end up in the upper right zone.

The Black Zone represents a God complex, while this may be rooted in actual competence (sometimes it is rooted in insecurity (3) ), this is a stage of delusion and complete denial of one's limitations. This often causes arrogance, narcissistic disorders, and other mental issues.

Now, there are two things I'd like you to know and understand:

Self-Awareness grows through negative experiences that lead to self-reflection and objective analysis of one's thoughts and actions. This is negative reinforcement.

Competence is driven by achievements or the acquisition of new skills. This could have been represented by "Power" or "Perceived Competence". This is positive reinforcement.

Throughout the explanation, I noted put (1), (2) and (3). Those are some inconsistencies in this analysis. Refer to each point for context.

Let me explain:

1-The Childhood Zone is mainly out of our control, the ego being an internal element of the psyche, this framework would imply that our ego would be entirely determined by external factors that we experience during our childhood and would have nothing to do with our own character and free will. See the paradox here?

2-Since it is proven that positive psychology and cognitive behavioral therapy can reverse engineer a state of self-hatred and self-esteem issues, this implies that using a different framework, one can ensure never going down either the self-hatred zone or the God complex. In short, if you see things otherwise, all of this can be avoided.

3-This graph fails to encompass all sorts of paradoxes. Different people could react differently to being in different situations and zones of the graph. While this may be a general breakdown, it does not completely reflect reality.

There is an important element missing in this paradigm and that is the intentions behind one's actions. Whether they are driven by emotion or reason does not matter, but in your perception of what you do, it does. And it matters a lot.

It's not just what happens to you.

It's also what you intended to happen and how you react to the difference or similarity of the outcome.

As I said before, this is only one way of trying to understand the ego.

And the way I see it, it is an incomplete way of doing so.

I believe in this:

Life is a balance between a desire to become the best at what you do while constantly trying to improve yourself and being ready for feedback and criticism. When your sole intention is to genuinely get good at what you do, you see everything as an opportunity to learn.

And I do not think that this framework offers it.

It only contemplates different possibilities depending on two factors while ignoring the most important one: Intention.

To wrap this up, I have one question for you:

How do YOU see the concept of ego?

Revised version for reference to the last post

Without a strong ego, you will keep tolerating shitty behavior from people.
Without a strong ego, you will keep tolerating shitty behavior from yourself.
Without a strong ego, you will keep quitting because you won't be convinced that you can do it.

Without a strong ego, you're relegated to a secondary role in your own life.

As always, let's make this distinction:

A strong ego does not mean an "inflated" ego.

I don't like that term anyway, because ego cannot be measured in size.

Both an arrogant person and a person with low self-esteem have a weak ego.

A weak ego is one that is not internally validated.
A strong ego is the opposite.

It's as simple as that.

Ego isn't bad. But if it's weak, it will not play in your favor.

Don't self-sabotage.

Your friends don't matter:

Life has taught me that time is the most valuable resource a person can have.

If your "friends" aren't moving you forward in life, they're moving you backward.

To the concept of friends, I prefer the reality of allies.
An alliance is based on a shared benefit, the meetings are fruitful and lead to the improvement of the lives of the parties involved.

They are not based on emotions, but on converging interests.

Enhance and Improve.

Constantly.

There are two aspects to building healthy self-awareness. Because being self-aware for the sake of it, won't help you grow and reach your goals. Solve, don't just contemplate.

One of them is enhancing your existing strengths. This start by first acknowledging them and taking them into account. This is the enhancement part. If you're aware of your strengths, you will be eager to hone your skills and get even better.

On the other hand, you will also need to acknowledge your shortcomings and weaknesses. This is the improvement part of it. Shedding light on areas where you're not really good helps you identify which new abilities you need to work on and become aware of your limitations (with the intent of pushing them further of course).

Maintaining this balance of optimizing strengths while correcting weaknesses is what helps stay on track to reach your goals.

You are constantly growing, just make sure you're keeping the balance.

Do you have a goal that feels like it's out of reach?

Whatever your goal is, reaching the top of the mountain can feel like an insurmountable challenge. But it doesn't have to be.

The key to reaching the top is having both consistent action and structure. The structure is like the stairs that lead to the top of the mountain. You need a specific plan, broken down into manageable steps, that will take you from where you are now to where you want to be. Without structure, you're just wandering aimlessly, hoping you'll stumble upon success.

But even with a clear plan in place, you still need consistent action to make progress. This is like climbing each step, one by one until you reach the top. It's the daily actions that add up over time, helping you make steady progress toward your goal.

Of course, it's not always easy to stay on track. That's where accountability comes in. Think of journaling as the rope that keeps you from falling. By writing down your progress, you create a record of your journey and hold yourself accountable to the commitments you've made.

One thing to keep in mind as you climb is to avoid looking down. Focusing too much on the obstacles or setbacks in your path can be discouraging. Instead, keep your gaze fixed on the peak ahead of you, and use your setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow.

In fact, the concept of learned optimism suggests that by training yourself to view setbacks and challenges as opportunities for growth, you can cultivate a more optimistic and resilient mindset. This can help you stay motivated and focused as you work toward your goals.

So, if you're feeling stuck, remember this: To reach the top of the mountain, you need direction, structure, and consistency. With these elements in place, you can make steady progress toward your goal, and ultimately achieve the success you desire. And remember to keep your eyes on the prize, never look down with pessimism.

Have a blessed week!

New Substack:

Ego is on your team.

Society wants you to be an idiot with zero self-esteem that makes the system run while the people on top enjoy the fruits of your labor.

The more sucked into your routine you are, the less likely you are to rebel against this system.

Marx was not completely wrong, but the solution was never to build a communist society.

The solution is to save yourself and the people you care about.

Fuck the rest.

Good morning.

Authority is the legitimization of power.

There are two types of authority:

The one coming from noscript and official ranks (officially sanctioned authority).
The authority that people grant you by virtue of your qualities (unofficial authority).

When people know you have authority, they know they must obey you or punishment will follow (official). When they want to follow you and be influenced by you, they freely elect you as a leader (unofficial).
When you combine both, people feel that it’s right and fair for you to have power over them.

The more authority people feel you have, the more you influence people.

On the other hand, when you can decrease or question someone else’s authority, you delegitimize their power and hobble their ability to persuade and influence.

Dealing with difficult people who pose a threat to you or your well-being can be difficult, but it's critical to be confrontational while remaining observant. This entails engaging your adversary and forcing them to reveal their intentions and next moves, while also keeping a close eye on their actions and behaviors to anticipate their weaknesses.

They say in military aviation "Engage with the bogey so that it becomes predictable. Once you can predict the movement of the bogey, you take the bogey down."

A "bogey" is an unidentified aircraft that is thought to pose a threat. Engaging the bogey entails making contact with the aircraft, typically through radar or visual confirmation, and tracking its movements to determine its intentions.

"Engage with the bogey, so you make the bogey predictable" emphasizes the importance of engaging with a potential threat in order to gain information and predict its movements. Engaging the bogey forces the enemy aircraft to reveal itself and reveal its intentions, making it easier to develop a strategy to counter any potential attack.


Making the bogey predictable is critical in military aviation because it allows pilots to maintain a tactical advantage over their adversaries. By anticipating the enemy's movements, pilots can plan their maneuvers accordingly, increasing their chances of success while reducing their risk exposure.

You can use this strategical approach in your daily life. When dealing with difficult people aim to gain information and insight into their actions and intentions. By being confrontational and observant, you can better anticipate your enemy's next moves and take precautions to protect yourself.


This does not always imply resorting to force or aggression, but rather being assertive and proactive when dealing with difficult people. Confronting your adversary and observing their actions allows you to gain insight into their weaknesses and vulnerabilities, which you can then use to protect yourself and achieve your goals.

This is also how Garry Kasparov plays chess.
This is how Lomachenko boxes.
This is how Real Madrid plays football.

It is best used when you're aware of your own weaknesses.

I emphasize that this is more efficient when you know the person in front means you harm.

Being the one that engages the confrontation allows to be on the offensive side rather than being on the defensive. The other person's actions and moves become a reaction to what you do, so you can more easily predict them.

This might sound too nuanced but this approach can be life saving in difficult situations.

You are fighting a battle against yourself, in which you are the enemy.

The more you struggle and criticize yourself, the more defeated you will feel.

Instead of fighting your ego, you should make peace with it.

Your ego functions as a compass, guiding you through life.

It indicates when you need to change course and when you deserve better.

To find your true path, you must learn to listen to your ego constructively.

Recognize when it is speaking the truth and when it is motivated by fear or self-doubt.

When you learn to be kind and understanding to yourself, you create a positive feedback loop that fuels your inner motivation and drive.

Making peace with yourself entails taking a new perspective that focuses on your stronger sides.

You can conquer the world with confidence and inner strength if you approach yourself more positively rather than getting in a conflict with yourself.

You're facing resistance to change because you're forcing it.

Instead, try to leverage what you're good at and focus on that.

Other shortcomings will fix themselves when you increase your competence and sharpness.

You're not starting from scratch.

I am convinced that each and every person has specific abilities and attributes that make them special.

Find yours and use it to get you to your goals and what you desire.

Become special in your own mind and you'll be able to achieve what you thought was impossible.

Internal beliefs shape our behavior more than you would think.

Make peace with yourself so you can go to war together.

I've come to the conclusion that what is easy is not worth it.

What takes time, effort, persistence and sometimes part of your sanity is what is worth it.

Because the process is what's worth it.

Not the end results.

It's the pain and the growth that comes from it.

It's the struggles, the successes, the wins, the losses and all that comes with it that makes life worth it.

It's the discomfort that creates memories.

It's the hard work that makes the results worth enjoying.

If you are anything like me, you don't want to feel less than yourself.

If you are anything like me, you know that life has more to offer than the easy way out.

They say fall in love with the process, and I hate this saying.

You have to hate and love it.

You have to enjoy and suffer for it.

Life is a balance.

What comes with no effort has no taste.

For anything you want to get, you need to make sacrifices.

There is always a price to pay.

And when you take the shortcuts, it's your soul and personal satisfaction that you pay with.

Do not seek the easy way.

Enjoy the hardships. Look forward to struggles.

Put in the work, and reap what you sow.

A harsh message on this Monday morning, but I wouldn't want you to get sloppy right on the first day of the week.

Go and own it.

Learn when to shut up and when to speak.

There is nothing more crucial than this.

You have to be aware of the power dynamics, you have to have a high level of situational awareness.

You need to be aware of everything that is going on around you.

Not out of curiosity, but out of a necessity of being aware of your surroundings.

This will save you a lot of trouble and open doors of opportunities to you.

Controlling silence is important.

Everybody knows that.

But what most won't tell you is that knowing when to speak and make your point heard is equally important.

Silence wouldn't exist if noise didn't.

So as much as you need to control silence, you also need to learn how to control noise.

Both are tools to use in your favor.

Being too silent might relegate you to a secondary role in your own life.
Being too noisy might hinder you from getting what you want.

You need to know how to use both.

You need to be a master of silence and a master if speech.

I've said this before and I'll say it again:

Everything in life is about balance.

Someone asked me to write about cognitive biases.

So I'm sharing this Social Skills University article with you.

I'm sure you'll learn a thing or two from it.

I truly believe that everything comes down to how strong of a self-image you have.

How solid is the idea that you hold of yourself?

How high are the standards you hold yourself to?

How loyal to your own values and code are you?

No matter what you do, whether you're an entrepreneur, an employee or even unemployed, the only thing that matters is this internal image you have of yourself.

Because that's what allows for change, and that's what allows growth.

If I think of myself as a loser, then I have no reason to protect and fight for myself.

You see, everything in life depends on one thing:

"Do you think you deserve everything you want?"

If the answer isn't a categorical YES, you have work to do.

You have to make peace with yourself.

Strengthen your mind so that you have the tools to face and conquer the outside world.

Your internal self-image, or Ego as it should be called, defines your level of self-approval and certainty.

If you have a solid ego, you do not doubt yourself.

If you have a solid ego, you know your worth.

If you have a solid ego, you have something to put boundaries around.

Without those, you're at the mercy of other people who will use you to satisfy their own self-interest.

This a necessity and not a luxury.

Understand this:

"Self-esteem is not a luxury; it is a profound spiritual need."

That's what all life is about.

A spiritual quest. A journey where you learn to live with yourself.

Learn to appreciate yourself. Enjoy yourself.

In Africa, there is a famous proverb that says:

"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."

But here's the thing: you won't always be able to make everyone your ally, and some people may even become your enemy if you're not careful.

One way to make allies is through politeness and compliments. These small acts of kindness can go a long way in building positive relationships with others.

As Dale Carnegie once said, "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

Think about it: if someone compliments you or treats you with kindness and respect, you're more likely to view them favorably and want to build a positive relationship with them. The same is true in reverse: if you are kind and polite to others, they will be more likely to view you favorably and want to build a positive relationship with you.

But here's the catch: you don't want to be nice or polite just because you have nothing else to offer. Being genuinely kind and respectful should come from a place of sincerity and authenticity. People can often tell when you're being insincere, and that can backfire and make them view you negatively.

So how can you cultivate a sense of authenticity in your interactions with others?

It's as simple as starting by focusing on your behavior.

Are you treating others with respect and decency, even when you disagree with them?

Are you radiating a benevolent energy that makes others feel comfortable and valued?

Answering these questions objectively can help you build genuine connections with others, even if you don't always agree with them.

Of course, making allies should never come at the cost of your well-being or values.

You should never compromise your integrity or sense of self just to make others like you.

I know.

It's a fine line to walk.

But there is no other way, that's how humans work.

It is a work of constantly balancing your self-interest and the interests of the people around you. Because the lone wolf is a myth and being too agreeable is self-destructive. So choosing one over the other will always lead to negative outcomes.

Instead, you could solidify your sense of self and boundaries and then approach social situations with more authenticity and genuineness.

Be a hand of steel in a velvet glove.

Nice and soft until someone tries to force it.

This is exactly what we teach at Social Skills University.

The ability to be an independent critical thinker while being able to negotiate and navigate the different social settings you'll find yourself in.

The ability to make genuine allies and friends that will have your back while knowing how to deal with malicious and manipulative people.

And it's only 15$/mo.

Join here.