Things don't seem as bad as they are if u talk about them.

Sometimes We Reply Because We Opened Your Message By Mistake

The fact that lesbians exist is proof that you don't need a large dick to satisfy a woman.

The word "quiet" is often said very loud.

If you help a criminal before the crime, you are an accomplice. If you help afterwards, you are a lawyer.

Reading text on a girl's shirt is a dangerous game

I loved the way you lied.
And you loved the way I cried.

Oneday she woke up and she just dont wanna feel that way anymore .....that was the day she relized she dont need noboby else.

#subscriber

A starfish looks more like a 'star' than a star does

Roses are green
Violets are green
Everything is green
Everything is black.

My night vision goggles need new batteries.

Chances are youve missed meeting your soulmate because the girl was too stubborn to text first

I said "I love you", not "You're hired". Stop expecting money from me and go get a job.

Humans invented machines to skip some effort and now go to gym to make up for the skipped effort. We humans are weird.

Me: dinosaurs can't jump

Her: how do u know

Me: they're all dead!

My grandpa always said "As one door closes another opens."

He was a great man but a terrible cabinet maker.

Somebody heard snoring and thought, "Yeah, that's the letter Z."

Dating is an interview for marriage