Chances are youve missed meeting your soulmate because the girl was too stubborn to text first
I said "I love you", not "You're hired". Stop expecting money from me and go get a job.
Humans invented machines to skip some effort and now go to gym to make up for the skipped effort. We humans are weird.
Me: dinosaurs can't jump
Her: how do u know
Me: they're all dead!
Her: how do u know
Me: they're all dead!
My grandpa always said "As one door closes another opens."
He was a great man but a terrible cabinet maker.
He was a great man but a terrible cabinet maker.
Somebody heard snoring and thought, "Yeah, that's the letter Z."
"Money can't buy you happiness" is propaganda from rich people to convince the poor to be satisfied with less.
Sometimes you gotta be disrespectful,
To show you was being respectful the entire time
To show you was being respectful the entire time
Every time I open a bottle of wine, I try and let it breathe.
But it never does.
So I immediately give it some mouth to mouth resuscitation.
But it never does.
So I immediately give it some mouth to mouth resuscitation.
Short girls are energetic, you should see them when they're angry. They are like toys with new batteries.