Somebody heard snoring and thought, "Yeah, that's the letter Z."

Dating is an interview for marriage

"Money can't buy you happiness" is propaganda from rich people to convince the poor to be satisfied with less.

Sometimes you gotta be disrespectful,
To show you was being respectful the entire time

Every time I open a bottle of wine, I try and let it breathe.

But it never does.

So I immediately give it some mouth to mouth resuscitation.

A jealous woman does better research than FBI.

Why are Buildings called Buildings, if they are already Built?

Short girls are energetic, you should see them when they're angry. They are like toys with new batteries.

The human body has an awfully unefficient battery, on average 8 hours of charge provides only 16 hours of use.

The less people you chill with the less bullshit you deal with !

#subscriber

At midnight, on December 31st 2019, there will be no teenagers born before 2000. The last of the 90s kids will become adults.

Whenever a character in a movie gets complimented for there intelligence or genius plan, it’s just the noscript writer complimenting themselves

Sorry to the future generation for taking every single good username