Every time I open a bottle of wine, I try and let it breathe.

But it never does.

So I immediately give it some mouth to mouth resuscitation.

A jealous woman does better research than FBI.

Why are Buildings called Buildings, if they are already Built?

Short girls are energetic, you should see them when they're angry. They are like toys with new batteries.

The human body has an awfully unefficient battery, on average 8 hours of charge provides only 16 hours of use.

The less people you chill with the less bullshit you deal with !

#subscriber

At midnight, on December 31st 2019, there will be no teenagers born before 2000. The last of the 90s kids will become adults.

Whenever a character in a movie gets complimented for there intelligence or genius plan, it’s just the noscript writer complimenting themselves

Sorry to the future generation for taking every single good username

The first rule of Passive Aggressive Club is...

...you know what? Never mind. It's FINE.

What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?

Micro trans-action.

Just because you didn’t intend to hurt someone, doesn’t mean they didn’t get hurt.

"It always seems impossible until it’s done

We don't teach kids how to learn, we teach them how to pass.

Feelings can be controlled, but tears never lie.

We're more than friends but less than couple