When you meet new people in real life, you unlock more characters for your dream world

We were both liars, weren't we?
You lied saying you loved me
I lied acting like I believed you.

Growing up is technically increasing the probably of dying

Nobody is busier than a person who don't want you

"Let me sneeze Ima call you back"

I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life'.
― Maya Angelou

No man is free who is not master of himself.

© Epictetus

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.

© Marie Curie

8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?!

11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.

Before every kidnapping scene, there must be some guy struggling to find the end of the duct tape.

Kids buy 25 MB package.
Men buy 100 MB package.
Legends buy new sim card.

I Won’t Let You Forget Me.

This hoe so dumb she read Technique as "ተጨንቄ"

Men socialize by insulting each other but they don't really mean it. Women socialize by complementing each other, and they don't really mean it either.

If you count views of the Drake meme made from “Hot Line Bling” song, it would probably be the number one viewed song

When ever you feel like life is tough, ask your Virgin friends for an advice

I'm optimistically single.

My bed is half full.

Wife: Does this dress make me look fat?

Me: You promise not to get mad no matter what I say?

Wife: Yes

Me: I fucked your sister

If Google creating a dating service that matched people up based on their browsing history, it would probably be the most successful relationship finder of all time.

Me: Are you upset with me?

Her:

Typing...
Typing...
Typing...
Typing...
Typing...
Typing...
Typing...
Typing...
Typing...
Typing...

*after 7 mins

Her: No, why?

A cars keys move larger distances in their lifetime than the car itself