8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?!

11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.

Before every kidnapping scene, there must be some guy struggling to find the end of the duct tape.

Kids buy 25 MB package.
Men buy 100 MB package.
Legends buy new sim card.

I Won’t Let You Forget Me.

This hoe so dumb she read Technique as "ተጨንቄ"

Men socialize by insulting each other but they don't really mean it. Women socialize by complementing each other, and they don't really mean it either.

If you count views of the Drake meme made from “Hot Line Bling” song, it would probably be the number one viewed song

When ever you feel like life is tough, ask your Virgin friends for an advice

I'm optimistically single.

My bed is half full.

Wife: Does this dress make me look fat?

Me: You promise not to get mad no matter what I say?

Wife: Yes

Me: I fucked your sister

If Google creating a dating service that matched people up based on their browsing history, it would probably be the most successful relationship finder of all time.

Me: Are you upset with me?

Her:

Typing...
Typing...
Typing...
Typing...
Typing...
Typing...
Typing...
Typing...
Typing...
Typing...

*after 7 mins

Her: No, why?

A cars keys move larger distances in their lifetime than the car itself

How long ist gonna take us to notice that the rain is just as beautiful as the sun shine 🌨

School

Me: bought a new pen

Me: after break time: ትርፋ እስክሪብቶ ያለው

How can you face your problem
If your problem is your face

I was lost deep in my head, my heart bleeding through my pen and on my notebook as I just wrote and wrote. I didn't notice my younger brother looking over my shoulder to see what I was doing. He gave me a toothless smile, scrunched up his nose and said, "Pain?What's that?"
I smiled, "Only my bestfriend."

Videos with “must watch” in the noscript are usually the ones that aren’t worth watching.

The human body has 206 bones, but humans still think their dogs love them for no hidden reason

The clitoris has over 8000 nerve endings

But it's still not as sensitive as a vegan on social media