The most crushing feeling is when someone smiles at you on the street and you don’t react fast enough to smile back

Her: I like guys with big dicks
Me*trying yo impress her*: I have a big one
Her: OMG can I see it?
Me: you know I wish but its too big and heavy to be carrying around so I left it at home

In 3000 years future civilizations might talk about us like we talk about the greek today

When you buy products with large brand labels, you pay to become a walking ad.

Him:I wanna be more than friends

Me: ow so you wanna be cousins

Win over your opponents not by violence or force... win over them by a simple heart-warming smile & the words "I'm Sorry"

When you take a screenshot of something on your phone


Your mama be " photo እነሳከኝ ማለት ነዉ"

The brain invented the helmet to protect itself

I meant to type 'public sector' but I accidently typed 'pubic sector' in an email

The sentence: We need to focus more on the public sector

If Apple made real pencils, they would make it in a different size so that the normal sharpeners can’t be used

Marrying your best friend eliminates the risk of divorce by over 95%, and this marriage is more likely to last a lifetime.

Future generations might have a really hard time finding available usernames to use in sign ups

If snow white married john snow she would be snow snow

#subscriber

Knocking is someone just punching your house until you talk to them.

The brain never knew it existed until it discovered itself