girls be like "he's my world", but this is your 4th "world" in 2 months, are you building a solar system?

"You are dumb"

Me: No I'm not, you take that back

Also me: wed-nes-day

"Did you cum?" Yeah to my senses, pass me my wig I'm leaving

The robot dance won't make sense in the future when robot movement becomes as fluid as a human.

I'll never forget my Granddad's last words to me just before he died...
"Are you still holding the ladder?"

there’s a toilet somewhere in the world that has the record for most shits taken in it and no one knows which one it is.

I remember a time when half the users on fb's name was last king

Girls stop asking guys what they do for a living, they lie. Just take them to bed and count the round
1 round- rich guy
2 rounds- doing well in life
3 rounds- unemployed
4 rounds- broke as hell

Having a twin is cool, the problem starts when you drunk and find your twin on bed n you like "oh I've already slept lemme go back to the bar."

Billgate be like

Ama going to save money for new Lamborghini

*10 seconds later

Done!

How many grams is one instagram?

When conversation with ur girl becomes shorter, its becoming longer somewhere else

If the witches told u..u gonna die the next day

Just kill ur self today and proof him wrong

Doctor: How are u feeling? We just took you out of a coma.

Me: *sliding over 100ብር* Put me back in

Immigrants are probably the most patriotic citizens in any country because they thought citizenship was worth a ton of effort.

One honk is aggressive. Two is friendly.

Glass becomes more dangerous the smaller it gets

If I had a dime for every time I didn't understand what's going on.

I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"

Laziness levels:
3. Throwing out dirty socks and bying new ones every time
2. Cooking food with a microwave
1. Dying of hunger cause ur lazy to eat

Haters gonna hate
Potatoes gonna potate

It is what it is ማን

Ugly niggas : *plays hard to get*

"Okay first of all ya'll are hard to want"