Banger

> be me, quantum cultist, snorted copium since kindergarten
> drop 50k on $IONQ because “quantum only goes up”
> CEO: “every Fortune-500 CEO has a quantum strat”
> mfw McDonald’s gonna supersize fries with entangled salt

> CEO says gate fidelity 99.8 %, sounds sexy
> realize that's still 0.2 % chance my calc turns into alphabet soup
> ask IR when Shor's algo cracks RSA-2048
> they send me link to 2030 roadmap PDF named cope.pdf

> earnings drop: $11 m revenue, $10.9 m is gov handouts
> organic sales? less than what I tip DoorDash
> DeMassi on CNBC: "quantum internet is next multitrillion TAM"
> mfw he pitching teleporting memes while I can't even ping qubit without decoherence
> ask for 1000-qubit cloud instance
> support says "we have 32, but they're logical in spirit"
> “quantum internet” because regular net too useful
> need photon routers so Twitter loads in superposition

> DeMasi tweets "minimum upside CSCO market cap"
> do quick math: need 200 B revenue, currently selling $5 m of fairy dust
> that's only 40,000 % growth, basically guaranteed
> google "proven exponential quantum algorithms"
> find three, all require 1 M qubits and liquid-nitrogen cooled unicorn tears
> file taxes, mark investment as "charitable donation to physics LARP"

This is who you're arguing with online

Meta cooked!

I mean, almost started to!

Vibecoding be like

Have a great weekend with not too much overtime 🥰

Spegel goes brrr

If you don’t get it then you’re just too young, that’s ok

You can send it to your colleagues who are afraid to ask for help or ask too late 🌚