I hate you

شرح حال: همه‌جام درد می‌کنه.چندشبه قرص‌هامو نمی‌خورم و امشب هم نخوردم. چشمام بخاطر مقدار قابل توجهی از اشک میسوزه. میل به خودکشی۱۰۰/۱۰. خوابم میاد و این سردرد نمی‌ذاره بخوابم.

https://youtu.be/hKWhRIAIacA
:))))))))))))))

سلام عزیزم
من علاوه بر اینکه آدم خوبی نیستم
زیبا هم نیستم
دارای ثبات هم نیستم
خیلی هم حسودم
دوست نداشتنی هم نیستم
چاره ای نیست
هیچکس نیستم

i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
 i wish i was dead
  i wish i was dead
   i wish i was dead
    i wish i was dead
     i wish i was dead
      i wish i was dead
       i wish i was dead
        i wish i was dead
         i wish i was dead
          i wish i was dead
           i wish i was dead
            i wish i was dead
             i wish i was dead
              i wish i was dead
               i wish i was dead
                i wish i was dead
                 i wish i was dead
                  i wish i was dead
                   i wish i was dead
                   i wish i was dead
                  i wish i was dead
                 i wish i was dead
                i wish i was dead
               i wish i was dead
              i wish i was dead
             i wish i was dead
            i wish i was dead
           i wish i was dead
          i wish i was dead
         i wish i was dead
        i wish i was dead
       i wish i was dead
      i wish i was dead
     i wish i was dead
    i wish i was dead
   i wish i was dead
  i wish i was dead
 i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
 i wish i was dead
  i wish i was dead
   i wish i was dead
    i wish i was dead
     i wish i was dead
      i wish i was dead
       i wish i was dead
        i wish i was dead
         i wish i was dead
          i wish i was dead
           i wish i was dead
            i wish i was dead
             i wish i was dead
              i wish i was dead
               i wish i was dead
                i wish i was dead
                 i wish i was dead
                  i wish i was dead
                   i wish i was dead
                   i wish i was dead
                  i wish i was dead
                 i wish i was dead
                i wish i was dead
               i wish i was dead
              i wish i was dead
             i wish i was dead
            i wish i was dead
           i wish i was dead
          i wish i was dead
         i wish i was dead
        i wish i was dead
       i wish i was dead
      i wish i was dead
     i wish i was dead
    i wish i was dead
   i wish i was dead
  i wish i was dead
 i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead
i wish i was dea d
i wish i was dea  d
i wish i was dea   d
i wish i was dea    d
i wish i was de a    d
i wish i was de  a    d
i wish i was de   a    d
i wish i was de    a    d
i wish i was d e    a    d
i wish i was d  e    a    d
i wish i was d   e    a    d
i wish i was d    e    a    d
i wish i was  d    e    a    d
i wish i was   d    e    a    d
i wish i was    d    e    a    d
i wish i was     d    e    a    d
i wish i was      d    e    a    d
i wish i was       d    e    a    d
i wish i was        d    e    a    d
i wish i was         d    e    a    d
i wish i wa s         d    e    a    d
i wish i wa  s         d    e    a    d
i wish i wa   s         d    e    a    d
i wish i wa    s         d    e    a    d
i wish i w a    s         d    e    a    d
i wish i w  a    s         d    e    a    d
i wish i w   a    s         d    e    a    d
i wish i w    a    s         d    e    a    d
i wish i  w    a    s         d    e    a    d
i wish i   w    a    s         d    e    a    d
i wish i    w    a    s         d    e    a    d
i wish i     w    a    s         d    e    a    d
i wish i      w    a    s         d    e    a    d
i wish i       w    a    s         d    e    a    d
i wish i        w    a    s         d    e    a    d
i wish i         w    a    s         d    e    a    d
i wish  i         w    a    s         d    e    a    d

حس می‌کنم درونم هرلحظه به شیوه‌های مختلف می‌میرم. خفه میشم، دار زده میشم، چاقو می‌خورم، مدام چاقو چاقو چاقو میشم. تا به حال در طول عمرم حسی نزدیک به این درد کشنده رو حس نکردم.

شهر من غمگین است،‌ قلب من غمگین است و اتاقم بوی مرگ می‌دهد. چشمانم کمی خشکسالی می‌خواهند. اکسیژنی که به اجبار وارد ریه‌هایم می‌شود و صداهایی که بی‌وقفه شیون و ناله سر می‌دهند؛ همه چیز رو به نابودی است. اما هیچ‌چیزی برای تمام شدن وجود ندارد. همه‌چیز مملو از غم و اندوه است که مدام می‌چرخند و باز می‌گردند.

I suffered for a really long time
Thought my whole life belonged online
And I was never feeling great
And so I'd medicate
And then pretend that I was fine

Don't really know what I'm gonna do today
Get fucked up, smoke a cigarette
And waste my life away
My friends, they don't wanna see me
They're too busy's what they say
But I'm probably gonna do the same thing I do everyday
I do it everyday

I never went to prom cause I didn't care
I never felt good in the clothes I wear
Yeah, I wasn't stable enough to let in love
I had feelings I didn't share

I always fucked up everyday at school
I never fit in 'cause I wasn't cool
Yeah, I didn't look the part and so I fell apart
And started breaking all the rules

I didn't reach out 'cause no one was there
I didn't drop out 'cause I was unaware
School doesn't do anything
It don't mean anything
No one even knew I was there

And graduation wasn't fun
Just a slap in the face for what I've become
They say, "you're gonna miss those days"
But I don't miss those days
Who even said that anyway?

I don't really know what I'm gonna do today
Get fucked up, smoke a cigarette
And waste my life away
My friends, they don't wanna see me
They're too busy's what they say
But I'm probably gonna do the same thing I do everyday
'Cause I do it everyday

It's a vicious cycle I can't crack
I get kicked down, then I'm on my back
I know I wanna get back up
I wanna suck it up, I want my life to be on track

I suffered for a really long time
Thought my whole life belonged online
And I was never feeling great
And so I'd medicate
And then pretend that I was fine

But I'm really tired, yeah
Yeah, I'm really tired now
I don't know why, no
I don't know why I'm feeling down

I'm really trying, yeah
I'm, I'm really trying now
I've walked through fires, yeah
I'm trying to find my higher ground

And I don't know what I'll do today
Maybe I'll get fucked up, smoke a cigarette
And waste my life away
I guess my friends don't wanna see me
They're so busy, that's what they say
But I'm probably gonna do the same thing I do everyday
'Cause I do it everyday

Yeah, I'm probably gonna do the same thing I do everyday
'Cause I do it everyday

I'm not a good person
Fuck it, you know it's true
I'm lazy, I'm a coward
I'm asleep all day in my room

خسته‌ترینم.