"You are fired."
"Ah, perhaps my naive christlike love in incompatible with the sophisticated modern world."
"No it's because you are an asshole."
"Oh."

Socrates: "also check out my onlyfans where subscribers can see me contemplating the pure forms of beauty."

Unpopular opinion: Aristotle was the beginning of the downturn of western philosophy, because he changed the philosophy of Socrates into what was a fundamentally nerd philosophy. In this essay I will...

In reality, of course, the academic philosopher would provide the theoretical framework to justify colonialism, but hey we can pretend, right?

"Perhaps we should design some kind of experiment to see if experimental philosophy works as a concept..."

"Wait no, I'm changing my answer, I *empirically observed* how stupid other people's ideas were."