Human beings are the only animal stupid enough to invent concepts like "rent".

There is nothing more annoying than people believing the same thing you do for dumb reasons.

"Also...doing weird sex?"
"Obviously."

"Extra recess? Why do you need recess? When are you ever going to use your recess skills in your adult life?"

Philosophy drinking game: drink any time you believe you should drink, but you don't know it.

Seriously though, word of advice to teenagers: not caring about anything is about to become extremely lame.

It turns existential despair is actually pretty mild, all things considered.