Simples arranged dead-wise, if you will.

How does Marx want to go back in time to save Rosa Luxemburg, when he died before she was even born, you ask? You fool. Marx never died. Marx will never die.

It was at that moment that Descartes decided to come out against pronouns.

I always thought the "analytic / continental divide" was poorly named, it's really the nerd/non-nerd divide.

"So after we understand everything, will that make us happier?"
"No because the truth is horrible."

What does this have to do with philosophy? Well, it's my philosophy that J.K. Rowling fuckin' sucks.

"Wait one more thing, I promise it isn't about the Jews."
"Okay what?"
"The thing about Gypsies is th-"
"Nope back to the farm!"