The "philosophy is useless" people are funny because so far as they can tell, they see a problem with our current societies in that we are too introspective and critical of ideas, and we need to think less about stuff and just continue on the current path. Seems a bit off to me...

"What is the meaning of life?"

Will answering it get me funding for my research project? No? Then who cares?

"Also, if humans have free will, why are they just choosing to destroy their own planet? Something isn't adding up."

"Thinking about stuff? No, society is fine how it is, we just need to do engineering to make things more efficient"
- guy in the middle of a mass extiction event

Elon Musk? No, it is based on a different guy who is also a moron.

"Okay but would you still love me if counterfactuals had no truth value?"

The girlfriend is using similar arguments to Donald Davidson's Swampman thought experiment, which he argues that identity much follow a causal chain of events, and physical composition isn't enough.

"We are still allowed to do philosophy in our spare time though, right?"
"As long as it doesn't benefit our employers, then...well, although...wait a minute GOD damnit shut up!"