I always joke that I've been liking the same three things for all my life. I do am very consistent in what I like in my pieces of media: I like devotion, I like cannibalism, I like hope. The same indeed applies to characters.

Mat Cauthon from the wheel of time has been haunting my blorbos since I was fourteen, and now that the show's been cancelled, allow me to talk for a bit about two of my favorite scenes with him, one that did not happen the way it did, and one that never will.

There will be spoilers
They are spoilers for the last episode of a show that got canceled after 3 seasons, and for the last books of a series that ended more than 10 years ago.

In the books, Mat goes to Rhuidean with Rand. He goes looking for answers, answers that do not include "no you can't do that". It's there that, while Rand is in the arches, he finds the door, and there he strikes his deal with the Aelfinn.

It's there that they hang him, like Odin, hung to the tree of life for three days, as a price to a knowledge he did not know he was paying.

I do not know what would they have done in the show, but in the books is Rand that cuts him down and brings him back with (lmao) a cardiac massage. I freaking love that scene. I freaking love Rand desperate, frantic to save his friend, thinking "I can't use the One Power, he hates the One Power, I have to save to him" and thinking about himself trying to reranimate a girl with magic, making her heart pump blood, her limbs move like a puppet and repeating "no, not again, i won't do that again".

The reader will never feel how much Rand cares for him like this again, how they all care for each other, the lenght they're willing to go for one another. Mat will live, of course, and they will go on to become a chief, a king, an Emperor, a Tyrant, and his general. Their relatioship will become strained, draw taut by the chain that Rand mere existance puts around everyone neck and by the way Mat tries to resist every step towards his fate.

It will all grow worse and painful and broken and distant and they won't almost ever be as close as in that moment, a desperate boy trying to save a friend.

Oh I’m not done

A reminder to myself.

Reading, reading a lot, reading different, weird things was one of the few parts of me I loved about myself, and one that I miss dearly.

It’s something I want to get back. Not sure I can, I’ll be honest with you guys.

And yet, we persist.

Yeah so we all agree? No joking about rainbow capitalism this June right? Not in this political climate right?

So I was thinking abt this & abt what to do for pride month and I think I’ll try to get back into queer short stories sorry guys the reading blog is back

This said the risk I took was calculated but goddamn I’m bad at math

🐛Glory Hole🐛
by NEAL AUCH

Published by Nightmare Magazine, which is a horror magazine, so you should kinda know what u expect

https://www.nightmare-magazine.com/fiction/glory-hole/

CW: Explicit sexual content, ambiguous sexual consent, blood/bodily fluids.

Comment: holy shit should have heeded the warnings, and it was decidedly more than what I expected. It’s a weird and gross and very well written story about what’s written in the noscript and about self worth and deserving bad stuff and left me feeling so queasy, which was undoubtedly the intent so well done I guess

Happy pride month ❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

The Monster Fucker Club
By A.V. Greene

This was on Apex, and I did not plan to read it, I was looking for something different by the same author but after yesterday's short story I knew I had to as soon as I read the noscript.

https://www.apexbookcompany.com/a/blog/apex-magazine/post/the-monster-fucker-club

CW: they did not put any! But I discuss the theme, see for yourselves.

Comment: so first thing, does this count as queer? I’d argue so. One of the girl is in a relationship with a she-werewolf for instance, and the main POV with a sentient swamp which is explicitly stated does not have a gender and which, in my opinion, indeed counts as queer. But more importantly, monstrosity, attraction to monstrosities and otherness has always been linked to the queer experience.

There were so many things, so many themes to think about. I like how short stories allow you to really hammer the nail in without it becoming syrupy. It was much more complex than what I initially thought, though.

There are actual monster in it, and they are treated as something unhealthy. A toxic relationship, an addiction, a maladaptive coping mechanism. But also there are real people and events that are equally horrifying: a school shooting, violent parents, abusive priests. There is also the way we try to justify to ourselves our unhealthy habits: the self otherization, the presumption we are different from everybody else.