No matter how much I try to explain, it's ignored

My mom constantly, and I mean constantly calls me lazy. Non-stop. I will try to hang out with her but she'll find some way to bring it up it seems. I've tried to explain how hard it is for me to complete tasks that are easy for her, and why I don't understand things the same way she does.


Instead she just calls it an excuse and "✨we all have ADHD✨" which is just...not true? But she uses that claim to say that I'm just "only doing what I want to do" and I'm "lazy." When I bring up ADHD, she says "yes, you have ADHD. But you're also lazy."


I've been called lazy my whole life. And it's not like I'm happily avoiding tasks or misunderstanding instructions on purpose. I just don't get it. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I do really well in school (for the most part) and I feel like if I was truly lazy the way she says I was I would be failing all my classes.

I'm just so frustrated. I wish she understood. I wish she had more patience for me. But she sees me locked in over a hyperfixation (such as building a plane model) and goes: "see?! You're just lazy because you did the dishes slightly wrong yesterday!"

I'm fed up!!

https://redd.it/1pxi7ex
@r_adhd

I just bought some cats, what an amazing decision

I have a hard time getting into routine, due to my ADHD. I take medication and feel way better but still, routine is hard.

My cats force me to live a routine live, since they need that. My procrastination is overwhelmed by my desire to give them the best life I can get them. Since I have had them, they also cure my anxiety of not having anyone or anything around me.

Cats are also perfect, because I don’t have to focus on them 24/7, unlike dogs. It just fits my ADHD perfectly.

Anyone else had any similar experiences?

https://redd.it/1pxmykr
@r_adhd

Hoe do you control the constant urge to eat (sweets)

Whenever I sit down to work I feel this strong desire to get up and get something to eat. Mostly sweets, but whatever really. And while I eat I can focus quite well on my tasks, but then sometimes I eat so much, that I actually get sick from it.
It also doesn't matter if I have just eaten or already had some chocolate, I just constantly want to eat.

Does this happen to you too? How do you manage this?

https://redd.it/1pxok0r
@r_adhd

How did you stop doom-scrolling?

Heyy, I have been diagnosed for less than a year and I’m medicated, but I still really struggling with procrastination and task management.

Right now I’m feeling really burnt out and it’s hard to get out of bed in the mornings. I don’t want to face the day so I immediately get on my phone and start doomscrolling. I have so many things to do and I keep getting trapped in this loop. The longer I stay in bed the harder it is to get out.

Does anyone have any advice on this? I would really appreciate it.

https://redd.it/1pxqroy
@r_adhd

I’m losing friends and family


I’ve been removed from a family WhatsApp group, and I immediately understood that it was my fault.

Earlier in the week, a very beautiful photo had been shared of my father with my children wishing me merry Christmas, but I didn’t see it at the time. I also failed to wish Merry Christmas to my father’s side of the family and specifically my ant who put together the picture/Christmas card and sent it to me.

My father passed away a year ago and they created this group to keep us all in contact with each other.

I love them all but struggle to show it, I’ve been off work because of the holiday office closure and somehow slipped into a lethargic state spending too much time scrolling on my phone or watching TV, losing track of time, and being less present than usual.

I apologized of course but she’s hurt and mad at me for sure. And now I feel like shit as per usual.

I’m not looking for sympathy, I just wanted to share this here, as testimonials from others helped me knowing I’m not the only one.

https://redd.it/1pxqlsj
@r_adhd

Why (I think) catching up is absolutely the hardest thing to do with ADHD

Let's take an example of washing the dishes. Worst case scenario, how many dishes are there gonna be? It doesn't matter how many dishes there are - you're almost guaranteed to be able to complete them in one session after taking the stimulants. Tomorrow's dishes are tomorrow's concern.

Now let's take the example of prepping for a computer science job interview. If you're at a stage where you've "fallen behind", how does medication help you to "catch up"? It's pretty much guaranteed that in one session after taking the stimulants, you'll barely scratch the surface. It's gonna take you hundreds or even thousands of such sessions to actually "catch up". You already know that one session is worth almost nothing, so even with stimulants, it becomes too difficult to stay motivated do the task.

AND that's not even considering the analysis paralysis. Which topic do I study first? That makes it 100x more difficult.

It makes watching movies and shows and playing games difficult as well. I know there are 50+ more episodes of Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad after starting out, so even if I'm enjoying them, the burden of having to watch 50+ more episodes is enough for me to stop.

I can do just fine in single subject, single topic exams. But these competitive exams? Interviews? Nope. I'm out.

Going tangent - sleep cycle is also too difficult to manage. I know my natural sleep-wake cycle is more than 24hrs. What makes it even more difficult is that once it's drifted off, I have to put efforts to have LESS THAN 24hr cycles, not exact 24hrs, to put it back on track. That is difficult enough for even someone with normal sleep-wake cycle.

I feel so depressed every time I realize I'm not making any progress. Yet I'm not doing anything about it.

https://redd.it/1pxrmcx
@r_adhd

Any ADHD people struggled or struggling with bedwetting

I struggled with bedwetting as a child and didn’t stop until I was 10 years old. My parents didn’t know why and they just blamed me for being a lazy person and beat me every time it happened (about 3 times a week).

I’ve discovered I have ADHD and wonder if my ADHD explains why I had poor control of my bladder while asleep as a child.

Did anyone with ADHD or children with ADHD experience this? What’s your experience? Did medication help?



https://redd.it/1pxt5n0
@r_adhd

What’s the difference between being lazy and having ADHD?

I have heard a lot of people say they were labeled as lazy or underachievers, when in reality it was their ADHD holding them back. I still have a hard time understanding what the actual difference is between ADHD and laziness, even though I know there is a difference. I Would love to hear people’s thoughts.

https://redd.it/1pxyu6k
@r_adhd

Shamed on a family Christmas trip

On a family Christmas trip (on my bother & wife's dime) my mom and I broke their unspoken 'rule' by sleeping in. They have 2 kids that wake up early and need to have a structured routine. (Undiagnosed ADHD for the boys, my brother and me at the time.) My ex-sister-in-law was just bossy, I think.

They went to breakfast. By the time we got to the dining room for breakfast they were already on the next activity.

They texted me multiple times, "Where are you?" My phone was in my purse, not on my body. Also another 'sin', apparently.

They're younger than me and much more attached to their phones, literally.

The fallout was sis-in-law said, "You hurt my child!" By missing breakfast!? Seriously?

The trip was not our idea and a complete surprise. Being told "This trip is not cheap" didn't help the situation much either.

I had a meltdown and was shamed for my 'attitude'. At that point I just wanted to go home. However, we were at a remote fancy resort, in their province, and they drove us there, so we were essentially trapped.

Eventually, I recovered, apologized to my nephew - which felt unnecessary (he didn't appear to be upset.)

Once mom and I adhered to their program all was well in their world.

After the trip a friend pointed out they didn't actually call me!

https://redd.it/1py1515
@r_adhd

I don’t struggle with social skills, but I never initiate relationships why?

I'm 21 and I've had the same pattern for as long as I can remember. The issue isn't social skills themselves, but initiating and moving relationships forward.
I don't have problems talking to people. I work at a hotel reception, so communication with strangers is a daily thing for me. I can start conversations, keep them going, and when I meet friends I already know, I usually have a good time. I wouldn't describe myself as socially anxious or closed off.
The problem starts when it comes to initiating. I have friends, but we usually meet only when they suggest it. I almost never initiate contact myself, even with people I know I could text or call. I tend to postpone meetings indefinitely or let them fade out completely.
I've never had a girlfriend. There were situations where I was texting with someone, there was mutual interest, even plans to meet but it always stopped before turning into anything serious. I keep waiting for “certainty”, the perfect moment, or 100% confidence in my feelings, which never really comes. As time passes, I do nothing and the connection dies out.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with ADHD, and I'm still learning how to manage basic daily structure and habits. I’m actively trying to change my life and improve myself, because I don’t feel like I’m the person I want to be yet but this pattern of not initiating relationships has been there forever.
I don't know if this is related to our condition, but I wonder.


https://redd.it/1py1hj7
@r_adhd

How can I make myself do things?

I have so much free time right now, since the company that I work for is closed during the holidays. I have many things that I would like to do, like gaming, reading, starting a personal project of mine, selling some of the clothes that I don’t use anymore, tidy-up my room, etc, but each day I just end up watching YouTube all day. I start watching it while I’m having breakfast, as I always do, then I just say to myself that I’m gonna watch a few more videos, then a few more, and the day is gone without me noticing. A day that I will not get back, nor will I rember starting from litterally the day after. Heck, I even managed to skip the gym a few times even though I was so happy to have so much free time to do it now. Each day that it passes my frustration gets worse, since I know that even if I start today to do the things that I want to, I would have wasted half of the holidays anyway at this point. How do I break the cycle?

https://redd.it/1py5f6x
@r_adhd

42yo m and feel like my ADHD issues are getting worse, or are they something else? Mixing up words, trouble focusing in a conversation, ect..

Idk if it's my age, the fact I have more work pressures than ever, 3 small kids, poor sleep lately, worsening ADHD, or something else.

Lately i've been finding myself mixing up words when im speaking, forgetting where im at mid sentance. Walking into the kitchen, open that pantry, and forget why im there. Feel like ive got brain fog so putting off some reading I need to do bc doubt i'll remember it.

For context, I have 3 young boys.
2 4yo and a 7yo.

Run 3 teams with 18 people under me I manage in the software industry and have a few side projects im working on.

I feel when im speaking im just talking faster than the words are ready.

When I take Vyvanse things seem better but i've been off it a few weeks because my BP has been spiking a bit after some TRT for a few months so waiting on that to come back down some before resuming my stimulant.

Anyone else get this stuff or should I be concerned here?

https://redd.it/1py14lf
@r_adhd

I am so tired of losing things

I feel like I am constantly losing things.

I’m currently on a break from college and the holidays have completely destroyed any sense of routine I had. Because I have no schedule different days are blending together, and apparently my brain has decided that nothing has a home anymore.

Went on a wild goose chase to find my coat and my AirPods. I eventually found the coat yesterday at the hair salon from the 17th. I guess it warmed up here in the Midwest and I just assumed my coat was in my car or somewhere in my room. I had messaged my band member whose house we practice at, checked the gym, and even called stores where I recently tried on clothes, all trying to track it down. I ended up having to go back and watch my Ring camera footage from the exact day I left the house with it and came back without it just to figure out where it went.

I learned the hard way that my AirPods weren’t showing on Find My because you apparently have to actually connect them, not just have location setting turned on. So I went on my MacBook and checked the Bluetooth traffic analysis. The last time they connected was Christmas night. They tried to reconnect after that and failed, so they must have died right after. Which means they were somehow in range of my laptop in my room where I have torn everything apart. I've looked in every single crevice of my house at this point. I don't remember using my airpods for over a week now and they were dying around that time. At this point I am about to accept that they are gone forever.

Today I went to the bank to deposit cash and couldn’t use my debit card because Last night I took my cards out of my wallet to look at the CVV number in the dark and never put them back in. I didn’t realize until I was at the ATM.

Honestly I'm just pissed off at myself and my ADHD. Like why can't I just have a normal brain that remembers exactly where I put things instead of being so focused on the tasks I need to complete?



https://redd.it/1py8i6l
@r_adhd

Anyone notice they respond faster than people without ADHD?

I feel terrible when I answer people’s questions or respond to their comments before they’ve even finished, but it seems I just listen and speak at a faster pace than most. I hate it because it makes me “out of sync” with others and often regarded as socially anxious, intense or even rude, which makes people not like me. Maybe I need to find girlfriends who also have ADHD, because it’s been very isolating trying to make friends.

https://redd.it/1py9b0a
@r_adhd

Being taught how to tie shoes helped me accept myself

For context: my family like most I'm sure just refused to understand metal illnesses

A core moment in memory resurfaced and it was too cool not to share.

When I (32m) was a toddler (to young to be diagnosed in the 90s) learning how to do anything I just absolutely COULD NOT learn how to tie my shoes. I was just always getting upset, I could not get my fingers too get second loop pulled out. It was a serious issue in my mind.

My late aunt, who suffered from BPD, and could easily relate with me sad me struggling. Instead of berating me or trying once AGAIN to teach me the "right way" taught me a new way.

Instead of letting the rabbit through the loop, I make to bunny ears and loop them into each other. I picked it up INSTANTLY. I was so happy I just couldn't wait to show everyone in my family! It was my greatest achievement at the moment.

Well. The rest of my family didn't get it. Why did she teach me that way? Why can't I just "get it together" and do things like everyone else.

My aunt, being the absolute beast she was for me, instantly shot them all down with one single response.

"He tied his shoes right?"

Since that moment, I have never let someone teach me the "right way" to do a damn thing

https://redd.it/1pybltf
@r_adhd

New Task Hack

Okay this might be really obvious but it has only just occurred to me and I am finding it revolutionary. I call it ass-halfing a task.

I have always struggled with “I don’t have time/capacity/motivation to do this entire task and therefore can’t do any of it.” Like if I know it will take me three hours to clean my room but I don’t have three hours, my brain says there’s no point; it’ll still look a mess and will feel like wasted time.

My new method: Rather than half-assing a whole task, whole-ass half of it. I literally split my room in half with a string and clean one half of my room to perfection and ignore the other half until next time.

The task feels way more manageable, my brain gets the satisfaction of a job well done, and the (half) task actually gets finished properly rather than always leaving that last little bit. And by the time I come back to it, the other half seems way easier (if it doesn’t, I just split it in half again).

Tonight I’m cooking dinner and wanted to “clean as I go” while the first part cooks so I have less work later, but obviously that is the stuff of nightmares. So instead I perfectly cleaned one bench top. Two are still a mess. But one is flawless; cleared, wiped down. I am satisfied, I have a clear space to work, the kitchen looks less stressful, and I have less to do later.

Don’t half-ass; ass-half.

https://redd.it/1pycjr7
@r_adhd

Medication and hyper sexuality improvement?

One of my biggest ADHD symptoms is hyper sexuality. I’ve never been on medication before and didn’t even realize this was a symptom until after I was diagnosed.

Did this get better with medication? I’m desperate to be honest. My constant need for sexual stimulation has given me great guilt, terrible relationships, and lots of wasted time.

Did medication help improve this symptom at all? Some people say the opposite and genuinely I cannot afford to get even more sexual.

https://redd.it/1pyd5x7
@r_adhd

Sex drive ADHD

Hi all. I've seen a fair few posts where people are saying that their ADHD has given them more sexual urges than normal. Is there anyone on here that's gone the other way? As I've felt for the last couple of years that my sexual interest has dipped by quite a lot. I can be in the middle of having sex and start thinking about the most random shit! A noise, smell or something in the room can grab my attention during sex. Obviously it's quite off putting.

Whilst I was younger, I had a very high sex drive, but I feel as I get older that's dipped a bit which is normal. But I feel a large part of the dip for me is down to my ADHD, as it does seem to be getting worse as I get older.

Anyone else experiencing this?

https://redd.it/1pyje7n
@r_adhd

Tics but can't understand why?

I've (28M) been recently diagnosed with ADHD and I now understand a lot of things in my life. I'm progressing a lot and i'm super relieved to finally understand why I always felt so different.


But one thing I still don't understand are my tics. Since i'm a child, like 7 or 8, I've always had tics (they changed through the years but the most common ones are shaking my head suddenly, rolling my eyes in their orbit, and cracking my neck). I've learnt to mask them with experience and nobody but people really close to me are noticing it. But it can be a bother because I drive a motorcycle and rolling my eyes for a second doesn't seem like a good habit to keep when driving.


My psychiatrist is telling me it's my way of expressing anxiety, which is weird because I kinda do it all the time since childhood, even in very relaxing situations or happy times of my life, this explanation really doesn't feel right. I thought it could be to express my discomfort when hyperactivity kicks in both mentally or physically, but it seems this is not a symptom of ADHD.


Any of you can confirm? Anyone can relate? If yes, did you find a way to reduce those tics?

https://redd.it/1pym928
@r_adhd

The way psychiatrists speak about ADHD

I’ve lately been seeing videos of psychiatrists speaking about ADHD, and I’ve noticed they always have this damning undertone, as in they indirectly imply we cause ADHD ourselves without saying it outright by mentioning things such as “inattention caused by sleep deprivation is in-differentiable to attention caused by ADHD”, or inattention caused by screen addiction etc. I don’t know if I’m misremembering but many people have insomnia, screen addiction and a load of other things because of ADHD in the first place?

It’s like they are trying to tell us “if you stopped doing the bad things you struggle to regulate you wouldn’t have ADHD”. They could be entirely right. I don’t know. Psychiatry is almost a pseudo-science to me, there’s so many unanswered questions

https://redd.it/1pynpo3
@r_adhd

What was your ADHD tax this year?

Year is ending, time to make summaries. What kind of "fun" fines etc you had to pay this year due to forgetfulness, overwhelm etc? So called ADHD tax. I just had to pay fines for parking that I got two days in a row. It feels so unfair, not fun stuff. Also I have few events that I had bought tickets to and forgot to go..

https://redd.it/1pyjlpv
@r_adhd