Polyamory will not save your marriage. If you “need” to “suddenly accept” polyamory, else you loose your relationship? It’s almost always a waste of time and effort.
Hi, random person who’s arrived at r/polyamory.
This post might not be for you. In fact, I’m pretty sure if you are here because you’re genuinely curious about polyamory, and are curious how it all works? We have a ton of resources on the community info page. Read some posts, do some searches, carry on!
This post is for the people whose partners have put them in a position, for whatever reason, to consider polyamory in less than ideal circumstances.
You may have completely monogamous agreements . You and your partner may have had many years together in monogamy. You may have children. A home together. You probably have never considered polyamory.
You might be a part of a lifestyle couple. Maybe you are some whose marriage or relationship has been “open” in some flavor or way, under certain circumstances.
Your partner has come to you and revealed that they have a crush! And poly is their true nature!
Your partner has come to you and revealed that they have had an affair! And that polyamory is the solution, because they really love their affair partner, and that makes it different and not like other affairs. Polyamory is the solution!
Your partner has revealed that they have fallen in love with their side piece/FWB/non-romantic/sex-only/kink buddy/D/s power exchange (choose all that apply)! And that polyamory is the next logical step !
It’s not, mostly. Sorry.
Crushes are normal. They require no action. Polyamorous people also get crushes they cannot act upon. Monogamy, and fidelity take for granted that you will feel attractions to others…and do nothing.
Polyamory assumes you will get crushes, and those people will not be living in polyamory, or they will be unavailable for a relationship, with you, even if they are already building polyamory with other people…and do nothing.
If your partner had an affair? Polyamory isn’t an off ramp for people to legitimize their affairs and force acceptance from their very hurt, very betrayed partner. It doesn’t work.
Your boo fell for their FWB? They better get their grown folks pants on, and handle their shit.
Commitment isn’t optional in polyamory. Love isn’t a golden ticket to happy healthy polyamory, especially if your not-polyamory is rooted in the breaking of agreements and myopic misbehavior.
You cannot reframe a shitty monogamous relationship into healthy polyamory.
You can absolutely shift, as part of a couple, into happy healthy polyamory. Plenty of folks swing and do polyamory. Plenty of people open their marriages and remain married.
It requires that both people genuinely want to live in polyamory. Even if you never ever date outside your marriage and are always happy with only your OG partner, your entire foundation of your marriage will be ripped away, and everything will change. Even if you “always come first”(you won’t.)
If you’re both super into the idea of polyamory (real, nuts and bolts polyamory. With real people who get sick, and have their cats die, and get into car accidents. Who might, at the very least, think that they might have this stuff matter to the people who claim to love them) then your odds are 50/50, and that’s the best odds you’ll ever get.
Tell your partner to end their involvement with their affair partner and get yourselves to therapy, if you can. Polyamory isn’t an option for you right now. Your partner betrayed your fidelity and broke your agreements. This is problematic stuff.
Tell your partner that you aren’t interested in polyamory, when your partner tells you that they have fallen in love with their sex friend/Dom/co worker they fuck occasionally.
Tell them that as far as you are concerned, your agreements still stand. Let them work out the details. They can have all the NRE in the world, but without commitment, or the kind of connection that builds, good chemistry and pants feels only go so far.
Polyamory will not fix your partner’s
Hi, random person who’s arrived at r/polyamory.
This post might not be for you. In fact, I’m pretty sure if you are here because you’re genuinely curious about polyamory, and are curious how it all works? We have a ton of resources on the community info page. Read some posts, do some searches, carry on!
This post is for the people whose partners have put them in a position, for whatever reason, to consider polyamory in less than ideal circumstances.
You may have completely monogamous agreements . You and your partner may have had many years together in monogamy. You may have children. A home together. You probably have never considered polyamory.
You might be a part of a lifestyle couple. Maybe you are some whose marriage or relationship has been “open” in some flavor or way, under certain circumstances.
Your partner has come to you and revealed that they have a crush! And poly is their true nature!
Your partner has come to you and revealed that they have had an affair! And that polyamory is the solution, because they really love their affair partner, and that makes it different and not like other affairs. Polyamory is the solution!
Your partner has revealed that they have fallen in love with their side piece/FWB/non-romantic/sex-only/kink buddy/D/s power exchange (choose all that apply)! And that polyamory is the next logical step !
It’s not, mostly. Sorry.
Crushes are normal. They require no action. Polyamorous people also get crushes they cannot act upon. Monogamy, and fidelity take for granted that you will feel attractions to others…and do nothing.
Polyamory assumes you will get crushes, and those people will not be living in polyamory, or they will be unavailable for a relationship, with you, even if they are already building polyamory with other people…and do nothing.
If your partner had an affair? Polyamory isn’t an off ramp for people to legitimize their affairs and force acceptance from their very hurt, very betrayed partner. It doesn’t work.
Your boo fell for their FWB? They better get their grown folks pants on, and handle their shit.
Commitment isn’t optional in polyamory. Love isn’t a golden ticket to happy healthy polyamory, especially if your not-polyamory is rooted in the breaking of agreements and myopic misbehavior.
You cannot reframe a shitty monogamous relationship into healthy polyamory.
You can absolutely shift, as part of a couple, into happy healthy polyamory. Plenty of folks swing and do polyamory. Plenty of people open their marriages and remain married.
It requires that both people genuinely want to live in polyamory. Even if you never ever date outside your marriage and are always happy with only your OG partner, your entire foundation of your marriage will be ripped away, and everything will change. Even if you “always come first”(you won’t.)
If you’re both super into the idea of polyamory (real, nuts and bolts polyamory. With real people who get sick, and have their cats die, and get into car accidents. Who might, at the very least, think that they might have this stuff matter to the people who claim to love them) then your odds are 50/50, and that’s the best odds you’ll ever get.
Tell your partner to end their involvement with their affair partner and get yourselves to therapy, if you can. Polyamory isn’t an option for you right now. Your partner betrayed your fidelity and broke your agreements. This is problematic stuff.
Tell your partner that you aren’t interested in polyamory, when your partner tells you that they have fallen in love with their sex friend/Dom/co worker they fuck occasionally.
Tell them that as far as you are concerned, your agreements still stand. Let them work out the details. They can have all the NRE in the world, but without commitment, or the kind of connection that builds, good chemistry and pants feels only go so far.
Polyamory will not fix your partner’s
inability to make good choices and handle their business.
Don’t waste your own time. Don’t throw away a year or three or ten living in polyamory when you never wanted it.
https://redd.it/1q3wwol
@reddit_pride
Don’t waste your own time. Don’t throw away a year or three or ten living in polyamory when you never wanted it.
https://redd.it/1q3wwol
@reddit_pride
Reddit
From the polyamory community on Reddit
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When someone's telling you a sexual joke but you're highkey asexual
https://redd.it/1q3w2sx
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I haven't posted here in a long time, but here are a few pics as an update for those who remember me haha!
https://redd.it/1q4ca2c
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Reddit
From the NonBinary community on Reddit: I haven't posted here in a long time, but here are a few pics as an update for those who…
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It makes me so emotional seeing trans people from an era when being queer was vilified and shunned from society 🥹🏳️⚧️💛✨
https://redd.it/1q4oc66
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https://redd.it/1q4oc66
@reddit_pride