Saying you're humble immediately makes you less humble.

Bad parents never question whether they're bad parents.

rich people have jacuzzi thoughts

When you are a child, being in a bed alone in the dark is the scariest place you can be. When you are an adult, being in a bed alone in the dark is the least scary place you can be.

Your employer is monthly subscribed to you

Society has no answers for the toughest questions in life so it acts like those things don’t matter

Most people use some from of drug to get through the day or work.

You can't angrily roll up an automatic window.

Instead of being rich and famous, it is better being just rich.

A hospital is the most expensive one star hotel you will ever stay in

Luxury cars advertise maximum speeds that you can never legally drive.

Cats are the only domestic animals where it is perfectly normal seeing them stroll through the city without any human accompaniment

The classic stereotype that males won’t ask for directions died in less than two decades.

Every individual is the world record holder of something oddly specific.

Eating anything as the Hulk too big for Bruce to digest will kill him when he reverts.

It’s amazing how much uglier some people get as they age

Seeing someone reading a book you love is seeing a book recommending a person.

Checking your phone after sex is the dopamine hit that a cigarette used to deliver.

We’re closer to 2100 than WWII

In movies, when the hero needs to hide from/trick the bad guy, there's a hatch out the top of the elevator but whenever someones stuck in one, they have to wait to be rescued.

There’s a non-zero chance you pick up a die, roll a 6, roll another 6, and keep rolling 6’s for the rest of your life