Oh land of desperation, how you reek of the clutters of my own poison.

finishing up on my first album. 😊

Maybe I was talking to myself when this thought came up.
"Maybe I should give my heart to anyone who has loved me the longest." until I realized all the gray hair I would grow before that happened.
Yes, that was a theoretical assumption made possible by keen observation.

What did I mean when I said you loved me the longest?
When your heart was peaking through curtains and your mind came out to play?
Did you hear duration or did I start a new game?

What did you see when I grew out grey hair, a harmless wolf stuck on a loop of misery and despair or did you see me fighting to break time and see how much of myself I have to spare.

What went through your body when I said the word love? Really? Unconditional Love?

Suddenly I found myself somewhere I was too small to matter, gave my heart to something that can end me, even with all the doubt. My legs held back from resisting and stopped looking for reasons. I was still, for a while and saw the real me for the first time and yet, we knew eachother and I never wanted to leave again, I found my answers in silence.

This is my first release, wanted to do it right here. Hope you enjoy! 💙

To my unknown.
June 8, 2020

I wish to know why my words come out as advise or maybe why you hear them that way, because I speak what I am able to say overthinking every choice of word I make.
I wish you could see my thoughts, let you know the prayers going through me, not because I believe in a majestic entity but because they are a part of who I am, lost in their fantasy, in my own way.
I wish I could love you without holding back, make you feel how much you're worth to me, to see my love settled in through your eyes, to cross my fingers with yours, kiss you, wrap you with whatever is left of my body and make you feel less alone, but I fear it might be what I want.
So I just choose to want to let you be..
But I hear your lap calling my ears to come home.

Feeling kinda conflicted, the wanderer wants to be and I happen to be in the way.

Its when the voices start to whisper the road the doubt for sanity comes along. You think you finally understood the metaphors, angels, thoughts, that feeling in your chest and maybe even what is beyond your breath if you’re clam enough but its a matter of the next step you make before it all disappears like it never even made sense in the beginning. Some questions are not meant to be answered but should be asked regardless, because sometimes...the questions could be the answers we’re looking for or just hiding within.

Aug2020

Thinking about dying my hair.

20 minutes of my element coming your way very soon ★

I offer my bare self to your beautiful hands that once eased the pain, I ask your nails to crawl deep into my skin, a blue soul with an empty cave that once was a home you felt comfort in, I give you dry tears that only know how to breath out, I beg for your punches and stabs, insults and hate and you go right ahead and leave me on seen. Why did you have to do that?