Suddenly I found myself somewhere I was too small to matter, gave my heart to something that can end me, even with all the doubt. My legs held back from resisting and stopped looking for reasons. I was still, for a while and saw the real me for the first time and yet, we knew eachother and I never wanted to leave again, I found my answers in silence.

This is my first release, wanted to do it right here. Hope you enjoy! 💙

To my unknown.
June 8, 2020

I wish to know why my words come out as advise or maybe why you hear them that way, because I speak what I am able to say overthinking every choice of word I make.
I wish you could see my thoughts, let you know the prayers going through me, not because I believe in a majestic entity but because they are a part of who I am, lost in their fantasy, in my own way.
I wish I could love you without holding back, make you feel how much you're worth to me, to see my love settled in through your eyes, to cross my fingers with yours, kiss you, wrap you with whatever is left of my body and make you feel less alone, but I fear it might be what I want.
So I just choose to want to let you be..
But I hear your lap calling my ears to come home.

Feeling kinda conflicted, the wanderer wants to be and I happen to be in the way.

Its when the voices start to whisper the road the doubt for sanity comes along. You think you finally understood the metaphors, angels, thoughts, that feeling in your chest and maybe even what is beyond your breath if you’re clam enough but its a matter of the next step you make before it all disappears like it never even made sense in the beginning. Some questions are not meant to be answered but should be asked regardless, because sometimes...the questions could be the answers we’re looking for or just hiding within.

Aug2020

Thinking about dying my hair.

20 minutes of my element coming your way very soon ★

I offer my bare self to your beautiful hands that once eased the pain, I ask your nails to crawl deep into my skin, a blue soul with an empty cave that once was a home you felt comfort in, I give you dry tears that only know how to breath out, I beg for your punches and stabs, insults and hate and you go right ahead and leave me on seen. Why did you have to do that?

Oh the prayers that went through me, the times I've wanted to sign with the blood in my veins so the honest words come out that speak on behalf of my present.
Is it ever about time?
I could see her taunting and teasing me with the keys on her finger like a calm morning for a man on a 9 to 5. Took me a while to ask why I'm chasing after happiness until I realized what I was chasing after was fulfilment, until I realized I was stuck in trying to prove myself. Does this realization change anything? Am I free yet?

Sometimes I feel really alone. Not lonely but alone. Like the whole world turns it's back but not it's eyes on me, like I feel judged for things I haven't even done yet. The scared little boy in me is forced to come out by their whispers that seem to break me apart so easily and come through, like someone had showed them the doors only I could reach, someone that is noone and everyone, where each hello and every wave is a threat. And for those brief moments that seem like they will never end, until those clouds disappear, I become me and just me, alone, at peace and terrified.
But what is my peace when it's just with myself? Does it mean I don't trust the person that I am? Because pointing fingers at you and them is easier than admitting my forsaken world.