trannoscription
[1/2]

"i think we're kind of starting to get away from this but have y'all noticed how in the vast majority of popular media, sex scenes dont actually tend to involve a lot of talking/fumbling/awkwardness unless its for humor or to indicate that the people having sex are a.) probably wrong for eachother somehow or b.) inexperienced, possibly having sex for the first time?

but "good" sex, between people who are experienced and in love etc, is almost always effortlessly athletic and steamy and they somehow telepathically know exactly what to do. im not talking about knowing what their lover enjoys, thats entirely feasible, but they never even have to coordinate what they're doing. theres no "do you want me on top?" or "do you want me to do [x]?" or accidentally getting in each other's way.

the overwhelming message that i've always gotten from pop culture is that good sex happens without communication and, more dangerously, that needing to communicate is a sign that you're somehow bad at sex, when in reality thats almost definitely that you're, you know, a considerate partner who actually gives a shit about people being comfortable when they have sex with you

[2/2]

not only that but like, overwhelmingly sex in media is portrayed as this steamy, well-oiled, SERIOUS machine. like... wheres the fun?
pop culture seems to be obsessed with this communication-less pantomime of actual intimacy rather than the reality of intimacy going hand in hand with not only consideration but humour and mutual vulnerability.

sex is by nature so awkward and off it NEVER works the way you see in films or on tv. its never seamless and perfect and that is not a BAD THING.

you're not "doing it wrong" if you're having problems getting a good rhythm and keep messin' each other up by trying to help

you're not doing it wrong if you're laughing and talking and not taking it seriously

and additionally, and now this is a complete tangent from the original point here, but you're not doing it wrong if you dont manage to get off or get your partner off

sometimes sex is just the action and not the climax and thats COMPLETELY FINE. my partner and i struggled a LOT with this when we first started having sex because we both had terrible guilt when we couldnt reach climax or couldnt get the other off because we felt like that was what the whole point of sex was.

media puts a lot of PRESSURE on sex and what it looks like that shouldnt be there and its AWFUL.

the focus is just so... wrong"

body, chronic pain, self care

"{1} you motherfuckers better be lifting with your legs and not your back
{2}because i never knew what that really meant until my back already hurt:

wrong way to lift
right way to lift
"

drugs, substances
[this post is intended as harm reduction from somebody inexperienced, please be aware of your own context]

"the trip sitter code of ethics
1, im a "sitter" - not a guide. i wont interfere or attempt to "join" the experience
2. im in charge - but should only take control when completely necessary
3. i talk through challenging experiences - not down
4. everything that happens or is said remains confidential
5. i pass no judgement
6.i practice compassionate & active listening
7. i remain alert & vigilant to my surroundings
8. i have knowledge about the substances being used
9. i respect the boundaries of my participants
10. im empathetic to the needs of my participants
11. my participants are my sole attention - im not on my phone or preoccupied in any other way"

lgbt

"dear trans kids
its totally okay to name yourself after someone you admire. parents do it all the time, they name their kids after family members, friends, celebrities, anything. and you can do the same. you're not faking anything, and i love your name. it suits you."

rest, self compassion, society

"i dont know who needs to hear this but rest is not a reward. you dont have to earn rest. you need rest. you deserve rest. you are worthy of rest simply because you are a living being. and dont ever feel guilty for taking time to rest."

boundaries, socialization, emotional labor

"{1}explaining basic shit to you isnt worth my time and energy, random dude!

{2}but how am i supposed to learn anything if you wont devote hours of free labor to patiently spoon-feeding me knowledge while i spit it back out in your face???"

{art by tikva wolf}

relationships, socialization, trauma, patterns

"
"i have to keep you entertained (or turned on) so you dont turn on me or abandon me" is a mindset so familiar to so many complex trauma survivors that a lot of us dont even realize we're doing it in so many of our relationships"

trauma, boundaries, relationships, socialization, parenting

"your parents will beat you and rain emotional and verbal abuse. then they'll tell you that it's because they love you. you'll learn to see that as normal.

in the future, your partner will abuse you and tell you it's because he loves you. you wont be able to tell the difference."

socialization,

'stop telling people that no one will love them until they love themselves
stop planting the idea in people's brains that they are unworthy of love because of their own struggle'

socialization, boundaries, communication, relationships

"your "non-confrontational" choices not to communicate hurt the people you dont contront btw. you're not a martyr for keeping everything inside and then running away when other people dont know whats going on with you. you just decided avoiding rejection and sparing your own feelings was easier than being honest and giving them the agency to respond and make their own decisions. you choose to hurt them so they didnt hurt you. you think your feelings are realer and more important than their own care and love for you. you were always just waiting for a sign to run.

"if they cared about me they would have-" did you tell them that? did you let them know how you feel? how much importance you place on those requirements they dont know they have to meet? this secret criteria and secret signs for your secret feelings? or are you making them play a game they dont know even exists?

your choice not to communicate isnt cute. you didnt run because they didnt feel the same for you. you ran so you wouldnt have to risk rejection. you chose to prioritise your own self-protection over their trust in and love for you. at least own that."

relationships, socialization, trauma, patterns

"
-you've been quiet.
+we've both had a terrible day and i dont want to fight
-why would we fight? i dont want to fight either.
+hold on...

+if i dont want to fight and you dont want to fight, whos going to start the fight?
-people dont have to fight. we can just be sad.

-people can just have bad days in peace.
+oh!
-...wait, how is this a new concept for you?
"

{art, "foxes in love", by Toivo Kaartinen}

growth

"changing every "i should have known better" to "i know better now". i will not judge past versions of me through the lens of who i am now"

crying, emotions


"i remember first learning that you can cry from any emotion, that emotions are chemical levels in your brain and your body is constantly trying to mantain equilibrium. so if one emotion sky rockets, that chemical becomes flagged and signals the tear duct to open as an exit to release packaged neatly within a tear. everything made sense after learning that.
that sudden stability of your emotions after crying. how crying is often accompanied by the inability to feel any other emotion in that precise moment. and it is especially beautiful knowing that it is even possible to experience so much beauty or love or happiness that your body literally cant hold on to all of it. so what i've learned is that crying signifies that you are feeling as much as humanely pollible and that is living to the fullest extent. so keep feeling and cry often as much as needed

also let yourself cry. it really is a biochemical release valve to dump out all the chemicals that make you feel stuff.

i honestly think one reason men in western culture have so many problems is that we dont let them cry, and literally their brains get stuffed with all this crap that doesnt have a release valve. men, please cry. you'll feel better. its ok. you are not lesser for taking care of your health


this is why tears from different emotions look different under an electron microscope. they're literally made up of different things

happy tears are structurally different than sad tears than angry tears than overwhelmed tears etc


ah yes, the emotions: grief, change, onion, humor

those images come from an interesting article through smithsonian! they were taken by photographer rose-lynn fisher around 2013. the article does touch on the three different types of scientifically recognized tears as well! psychic tears triggered by extreme emotions, basal tears to keep your cornea lubricated, and reflex tears due to irritation (like onion vapors)
that said, i need to cry more."

socialization, boundaries, abuse

(late) trannoscription:

"How to Spot a Toxic Friend

There a lot of advice out there about how to spot a toxic romantic relationship, and that's awesome; a bad relationship can be extremely dangerous. But there's not a lot of information about how to spot a toxic friendship. Over the course of your lifetime, you're going to have a lot more friendships than romantic relationships, and it can be even harder to know when to break off a friendship than a love affair.

So if you've been uncertain about your friendships, make sure you watch out for someone who:

- belittles you or constantly points out your flaws

- dismisses their hurtful behaviour as "joking" when they are called out

- accuses you of being "too sensitive" or "no fun" when they are called out

- refuses to apologize for anything

- talks behind your back

- takes your things without asking, even after you've told them not to

- demands more of your time than you want to give them

- makes you feel crushingly guilty for doing anything that does not involve them

- refuses to respect your personal space, acts "touchy-feely" even when you aren't comfortable with it

- controls who you can date or be friends with

- makes fun of your hobbies and ambitions"

language, growth, depression

"honestly the best thing i've done in the past year was replacing "i wanna die" with "i wanna commit a crime." same humor and sentiment without the suicidal ideation

graduating from emo to punk"