lgbt

"dear trans kids
its totally okay to name yourself after someone you admire. parents do it all the time, they name their kids after family members, friends, celebrities, anything. and you can do the same. you're not faking anything, and i love your name. it suits you."

rest, self compassion, society

"i dont know who needs to hear this but rest is not a reward. you dont have to earn rest. you need rest. you deserve rest. you are worthy of rest simply because you are a living being. and dont ever feel guilty for taking time to rest."

boundaries, socialization, emotional labor

"{1}explaining basic shit to you isnt worth my time and energy, random dude!

{2}but how am i supposed to learn anything if you wont devote hours of free labor to patiently spoon-feeding me knowledge while i spit it back out in your face???"

{art by tikva wolf}

relationships, socialization, trauma, patterns

"
"i have to keep you entertained (or turned on) so you dont turn on me or abandon me" is a mindset so familiar to so many complex trauma survivors that a lot of us dont even realize we're doing it in so many of our relationships"

trauma, boundaries, relationships, socialization, parenting

"your parents will beat you and rain emotional and verbal abuse. then they'll tell you that it's because they love you. you'll learn to see that as normal.

in the future, your partner will abuse you and tell you it's because he loves you. you wont be able to tell the difference."

socialization,

'stop telling people that no one will love them until they love themselves
stop planting the idea in people's brains that they are unworthy of love because of their own struggle'

socialization, boundaries, communication, relationships

"your "non-confrontational" choices not to communicate hurt the people you dont contront btw. you're not a martyr for keeping everything inside and then running away when other people dont know whats going on with you. you just decided avoiding rejection and sparing your own feelings was easier than being honest and giving them the agency to respond and make their own decisions. you choose to hurt them so they didnt hurt you. you think your feelings are realer and more important than their own care and love for you. you were always just waiting for a sign to run.

"if they cared about me they would have-" did you tell them that? did you let them know how you feel? how much importance you place on those requirements they dont know they have to meet? this secret criteria and secret signs for your secret feelings? or are you making them play a game they dont know even exists?

your choice not to communicate isnt cute. you didnt run because they didnt feel the same for you. you ran so you wouldnt have to risk rejection. you chose to prioritise your own self-protection over their trust in and love for you. at least own that."

relationships, socialization, trauma, patterns

"
-you've been quiet.
+we've both had a terrible day and i dont want to fight
-why would we fight? i dont want to fight either.
+hold on...

+if i dont want to fight and you dont want to fight, whos going to start the fight?
-people dont have to fight. we can just be sad.

-people can just have bad days in peace.
+oh!
-...wait, how is this a new concept for you?
"

{art, "foxes in love", by Toivo Kaartinen}

growth

"changing every "i should have known better" to "i know better now". i will not judge past versions of me through the lens of who i am now"

crying, emotions


"i remember first learning that you can cry from any emotion, that emotions are chemical levels in your brain and your body is constantly trying to mantain equilibrium. so if one emotion sky rockets, that chemical becomes flagged and signals the tear duct to open as an exit to release packaged neatly within a tear. everything made sense after learning that.
that sudden stability of your emotions after crying. how crying is often accompanied by the inability to feel any other emotion in that precise moment. and it is especially beautiful knowing that it is even possible to experience so much beauty or love or happiness that your body literally cant hold on to all of it. so what i've learned is that crying signifies that you are feeling as much as humanely pollible and that is living to the fullest extent. so keep feeling and cry often as much as needed

also let yourself cry. it really is a biochemical release valve to dump out all the chemicals that make you feel stuff.

i honestly think one reason men in western culture have so many problems is that we dont let them cry, and literally their brains get stuffed with all this crap that doesnt have a release valve. men, please cry. you'll feel better. its ok. you are not lesser for taking care of your health


this is why tears from different emotions look different under an electron microscope. they're literally made up of different things

happy tears are structurally different than sad tears than angry tears than overwhelmed tears etc


ah yes, the emotions: grief, change, onion, humor

those images come from an interesting article through smithsonian! they were taken by photographer rose-lynn fisher around 2013. the article does touch on the three different types of scientifically recognized tears as well! psychic tears triggered by extreme emotions, basal tears to keep your cornea lubricated, and reflex tears due to irritation (like onion vapors)
that said, i need to cry more."

socialization, boundaries, abuse

(late) trannoscription:

"How to Spot a Toxic Friend

There a lot of advice out there about how to spot a toxic romantic relationship, and that's awesome; a bad relationship can be extremely dangerous. But there's not a lot of information about how to spot a toxic friendship. Over the course of your lifetime, you're going to have a lot more friendships than romantic relationships, and it can be even harder to know when to break off a friendship than a love affair.

So if you've been uncertain about your friendships, make sure you watch out for someone who:

- belittles you or constantly points out your flaws

- dismisses their hurtful behaviour as "joking" when they are called out

- accuses you of being "too sensitive" or "no fun" when they are called out

- refuses to apologize for anything

- talks behind your back

- takes your things without asking, even after you've told them not to

- demands more of your time than you want to give them

- makes you feel crushingly guilty for doing anything that does not involve them

- refuses to respect your personal space, acts "touchy-feely" even when you aren't comfortable with it

- controls who you can date or be friends with

- makes fun of your hobbies and ambitions"

language, growth, depression

"honestly the best thing i've done in the past year was replacing "i wanna die" with "i wanna commit a crime." same humor and sentiment without the suicidal ideation

graduating from emo to punk"

abuse, boundaries, socialization, relationships

"the sunk cost fallacy
a behavior where we continue to do something harmful based on how many resources we've already invested.
*like engaging in toxic/abusive relationships based on how many years you've already it in"

[art by selfloverainbow]

unscheduled post

channel activity will be resuming again (even numbered days), for admin lore and info on why the channel gets paused like this (completely optional) check this post's comments

[image updated for better readability]
charts, neurodivergency

"what people think being highly sensitive means
being irrationally over emotional

what being highly sensitive actually means

being extremely observant
being empathetic
having a highly tuned nervous system
caring about everyone and everything
having strong emotional reactions
all of the feels all of the time"

{art by @KyNorthstar}

abuse, gaslight

"10 Signs You're A Victim of Gaslighting
1. You're frequently second-guessing yourself.
2. You wonder if you're too sensitive.
3. You don't trust your own judgment and decisions.
4. You find yourself constantly apologizing.
5. You can't figure out why you're so unhappy.
6. You always make excuses for your partner's behavior.
7. You feel like you can't do anything right.
8. You think you just aren't good enough.
9. You feel you were once a happier, more confident person.
10. You hold things back from friends and family. "

language, words, abuse

"GASLIGHTING
A favorite tactic of manipulators, used to obstruct and distort their victim’s understanding of reality. Intentionally setting up misdeeds, and then questioning the victim's sanity for reacting to those misdeeds. Rewriting history, or blatantly denying that the event ever took place. First, provoking negative emotions, then dismissing the victim's legitimate concerns with labels like "crazy", "insane", "bipolar", "hysterical", and "sensitive". Gaslighters are patronizing, unapologetic, and above all, they are cowardly. Because they are unable to manipulate healthy individuals, they must first manufacture insanity and chaos. This gives them the power & control that they seek over loving, compassionate human beings.

Learn the signs. Find your freedom. "

abuse, gaslight, guilt

"Just in case anyone needed a reminder. Abusers (and enablers!) will often try to use your reaction to their abuse as a justification for the way they treat you. This is gaslighting. It's also complete bullshit. It's normal and healthy to be angry, indignant, or sad when people treat you badly. Abusers just want a way to shift the blame to you for their actions. "

trauma, anxiety

"over-explaining can be a trauma response to being gaslit in childhood. when i figured that out, i worked to stop doing so. if i already told the truth and was clear, there is nothing else to say and over-explaining leads to distortion. off of that nonsense. "

abuse, growth

"its not ok for them to talk you that way, i dont care how many times they tell you they love you"

{art by natalie byrne}

boundaries

"
"no" might make them angry. but it will make you free.

if no one has ever told you, your freedom is more important than their anger"