relationships, socialization, trauma, patterns
"
-you've been quiet.
+we've both had a terrible day and i dont want to fight
-why would we fight? i dont want to fight either.
+hold on...
+if i dont want to fight and you dont want to fight, whos going to start the fight?
-people dont have to fight. we can just be sad.
-people can just have bad days in peace.
+oh!
-...wait, how is this a new concept for you?
"
{art, "foxes in love", by Toivo Kaartinen}
"
-you've been quiet.
+we've both had a terrible day and i dont want to fight
-why would we fight? i dont want to fight either.
+hold on...
+if i dont want to fight and you dont want to fight, whos going to start the fight?
-people dont have to fight. we can just be sad.
-people can just have bad days in peace.
+oh!
-...wait, how is this a new concept for you?
"
{art, "foxes in love", by Toivo Kaartinen}
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crying, emotions
"i remember first learning that you can cry from any emotion, that emotions are chemical levels in your brain and your body is constantly trying to mantain equilibrium. so if one emotion sky rockets, that chemical becomes flagged and signals the tear duct to open as an exit to release packaged neatly within a tear. everything made sense after learning that.
that sudden stability of your emotions after crying. how crying is often accompanied by the inability to feel any other emotion in that precise moment. and it is especially beautiful knowing that it is even possible to experience so much beauty or love or happiness that your body literally cant hold on to all of it. so what i've learned is that crying signifies that you are feeling as much as humanely pollible and that is living to the fullest extent. so keep feeling and cry often as much as needed
also let yourself cry. it really is a biochemical release valve to dump out all the chemicals that make you feel stuff.
i honestly think one reason men in western culture have so many problems is that we dont let them cry, and literally their brains get stuffed with all this crap that doesnt have a release valve. men, please cry. you'll feel better. its ok. you are not lesser for taking care of your health
this is why tears from different emotions look different under an electron microscope. they're literally made up of different things
happy tears are structurally different than sad tears than angry tears than overwhelmed tears etc
ah yes, the emotions: grief, change, onion, humor
those images come from an interesting article through smithsonian! they were taken by photographer rose-lynn fisher around 2013. the article does touch on the three different types of scientifically recognized tears as well! psychic tears triggered by extreme emotions, basal tears to keep your cornea lubricated, and reflex tears due to irritation (like onion vapors)
that said, i need to cry more."
"i remember first learning that you can cry from any emotion, that emotions are chemical levels in your brain and your body is constantly trying to mantain equilibrium. so if one emotion sky rockets, that chemical becomes flagged and signals the tear duct to open as an exit to release packaged neatly within a tear. everything made sense after learning that.
that sudden stability of your emotions after crying. how crying is often accompanied by the inability to feel any other emotion in that precise moment. and it is especially beautiful knowing that it is even possible to experience so much beauty or love or happiness that your body literally cant hold on to all of it. so what i've learned is that crying signifies that you are feeling as much as humanely pollible and that is living to the fullest extent. so keep feeling and cry often as much as needed
also let yourself cry. it really is a biochemical release valve to dump out all the chemicals that make you feel stuff.
i honestly think one reason men in western culture have so many problems is that we dont let them cry, and literally their brains get stuffed with all this crap that doesnt have a release valve. men, please cry. you'll feel better. its ok. you are not lesser for taking care of your health
this is why tears from different emotions look different under an electron microscope. they're literally made up of different things
happy tears are structurally different than sad tears than angry tears than overwhelmed tears etc
ah yes, the emotions: grief, change, onion, humor
those images come from an interesting article through smithsonian! they were taken by photographer rose-lynn fisher around 2013. the article does touch on the three different types of scientifically recognized tears as well! psychic tears triggered by extreme emotions, basal tears to keep your cornea lubricated, and reflex tears due to irritation (like onion vapors)
that said, i need to cry more."
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socialization, boundaries, abuse
(late) trannoscription:
"How to Spot a Toxic Friend
There a lot of advice out there about how to spot a toxic romantic relationship, and that's awesome; a bad relationship can be extremely dangerous. But there's not a lot of information about how to spot a toxic friendship. Over the course of your lifetime, you're going to have a lot more friendships than romantic relationships, and it can be even harder to know when to break off a friendship than a love affair.
So if you've been uncertain about your friendships, make sure you watch out for someone who:
- belittles you or constantly points out your flaws
- dismisses their hurtful behaviour as "joking" when they are called out
- accuses you of being "too sensitive" or "no fun" when they are called out
- refuses to apologize for anything
- talks behind your back
- takes your things without asking, even after you've told them not to
- demands more of your time than you want to give them
- makes you feel crushingly guilty for doing anything that does not involve them
- refuses to respect your personal space, acts "touchy-feely" even when you aren't comfortable with it
- controls who you can date or be friends with
- makes fun of your hobbies and ambitions"
(late) trannoscription:
"How to Spot a Toxic Friend
There a lot of advice out there about how to spot a toxic romantic relationship, and that's awesome; a bad relationship can be extremely dangerous. But there's not a lot of information about how to spot a toxic friendship. Over the course of your lifetime, you're going to have a lot more friendships than romantic relationships, and it can be even harder to know when to break off a friendship than a love affair.
So if you've been uncertain about your friendships, make sure you watch out for someone who:
- belittles you or constantly points out your flaws
- dismisses their hurtful behaviour as "joking" when they are called out
- accuses you of being "too sensitive" or "no fun" when they are called out
- refuses to apologize for anything
- talks behind your back
- takes your things without asking, even after you've told them not to
- demands more of your time than you want to give them
- makes you feel crushingly guilty for doing anything that does not involve them
- refuses to respect your personal space, acts "touchy-feely" even when you aren't comfortable with it
- controls who you can date or be friends with
- makes fun of your hobbies and ambitions"
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abuse, boundaries, socialization, relationships
"the sunk cost fallacy
a behavior where we continue to do something harmful based on how many resources we've already invested.
*like engaging in toxic/abusive relationships based on how many years you've already it in"
[art by selfloverainbow]
"the sunk cost fallacy
a behavior where we continue to do something harmful based on how many resources we've already invested.
*like engaging in toxic/abusive relationships based on how many years you've already it in"
[art by selfloverainbow]
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unscheduled post
channel activity will be resuming again (even numbered days), for admin lore and info on why the channel gets paused like this (completely optional) check this post's comments
channel activity will be resuming again (even numbered days), for admin lore and info on why the channel gets paused like this (completely optional) check this post's comments
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[image updated for better readability]
charts, neurodivergency
"what people think being highly sensitive means
being irrationally over emotional
what being highly sensitive actually means
being extremely observant
being empathetic
having a highly tuned nervous system
caring about everyone and everything
having strong emotional reactions
all of the feels all of the time"
{art by @KyNorthstar}
charts, neurodivergency
"what people think being highly sensitive means
being irrationally over emotional
what being highly sensitive actually means
being extremely observant
being empathetic
having a highly tuned nervous system
caring about everyone and everything
having strong emotional reactions
all of the feels all of the time"
{art by @KyNorthstar}
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abuse, gaslight
"10 Signs You're A Victim of Gaslighting
1. You're frequently second-guessing yourself.
2. You wonder if you're too sensitive.
3. You don't trust your own judgment and decisions.
4. You find yourself constantly apologizing.
5. You can't figure out why you're so unhappy.
6. You always make excuses for your partner's behavior.
7. You feel like you can't do anything right.
8. You think you just aren't good enough.
9. You feel you were once a happier, more confident person.
10. You hold things back from friends and family. "
"10 Signs You're A Victim of Gaslighting
1. You're frequently second-guessing yourself.
2. You wonder if you're too sensitive.
3. You don't trust your own judgment and decisions.
4. You find yourself constantly apologizing.
5. You can't figure out why you're so unhappy.
6. You always make excuses for your partner's behavior.
7. You feel like you can't do anything right.
8. You think you just aren't good enough.
9. You feel you were once a happier, more confident person.
10. You hold things back from friends and family. "
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language, words, abuse
"GASLIGHTING
A favorite tactic of manipulators, used to obstruct and distort their victim’s understanding of reality. Intentionally setting up misdeeds, and then questioning the victim's sanity for reacting to those misdeeds. Rewriting history, or blatantly denying that the event ever took place. First, provoking negative emotions, then dismissing the victim's legitimate concerns with labels like "crazy", "insane", "bipolar", "hysterical", and "sensitive". Gaslighters are patronizing, unapologetic, and above all, they are cowardly. Because they are unable to manipulate healthy individuals, they must first manufacture insanity and chaos. This gives them the power & control that they seek over loving, compassionate human beings.
Learn the signs. Find your freedom. "
"GASLIGHTING
A favorite tactic of manipulators, used to obstruct and distort their victim’s understanding of reality. Intentionally setting up misdeeds, and then questioning the victim's sanity for reacting to those misdeeds. Rewriting history, or blatantly denying that the event ever took place. First, provoking negative emotions, then dismissing the victim's legitimate concerns with labels like "crazy", "insane", "bipolar", "hysterical", and "sensitive". Gaslighters are patronizing, unapologetic, and above all, they are cowardly. Because they are unable to manipulate healthy individuals, they must first manufacture insanity and chaos. This gives them the power & control that they seek over loving, compassionate human beings.
Learn the signs. Find your freedom. "
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abuse, gaslight, guilt
"Just in case anyone needed a reminder. Abusers (and enablers!) will often try to use your reaction to their abuse as a justification for the way they treat you. This is gaslighting. It's also complete bullshit. It's normal and healthy to be angry, indignant, or sad when people treat you badly. Abusers just want a way to shift the blame to you for their actions. "
"Just in case anyone needed a reminder. Abusers (and enablers!) will often try to use your reaction to their abuse as a justification for the way they treat you. This is gaslighting. It's also complete bullshit. It's normal and healthy to be angry, indignant, or sad when people treat you badly. Abusers just want a way to shift the blame to you for their actions. "
👍26💯21🥰3🔥1😢1
trauma, unlearning
"If you experienced trauma in childhood or had a rough childhood, dude listen to me. Offer yourself play. You were deprived of it.
Keep bubbles in the house, blow bubbles in the yard, blow them in your room, get a coloring book that doesn’t have to be an adult one with mandalas, watch cartoons, laugh at stupid things, dress up as a superhero for Halloween, wear a Santa hat on Christmas and big light up snowflake earrings, lay down on the floor, lay down in the grass, eat eggos for dinner sometimes. It’s not stupid. You’re not childish. You’re giving your inner child what they had taken from them. They deserve it.
I don't want to derail this post because it's an important message, and OP has addressed it to the people who most need to hear it. But... can i just add, for people who don't feel like they can give themselves permission to do this, that you can give yourself these things even if you didn't overtly experience trauma in childhood?
Even if you never thought of your upbringing as painful or malicious, you can and should still give yourself things you missed out on. Take that class! Learn that skill! Eat the foods you like, or branch out into new ones! Jump in piles of leaves and decorate your walls the way you want them.
Give yourself the things you couldnt have as a kid, especially if you didn't really get to have a childhood, but even if you didn't have the childhood you wanted. Go for a bike ride with friends. Go stargazing. Whatever it was that you feel like you missed, it's important to seek those things and remember that play and joy aren't exclusive to childhood. "
"If you experienced trauma in childhood or had a rough childhood, dude listen to me. Offer yourself play. You were deprived of it.
Keep bubbles in the house, blow bubbles in the yard, blow them in your room, get a coloring book that doesn’t have to be an adult one with mandalas, watch cartoons, laugh at stupid things, dress up as a superhero for Halloween, wear a Santa hat on Christmas and big light up snowflake earrings, lay down on the floor, lay down in the grass, eat eggos for dinner sometimes. It’s not stupid. You’re not childish. You’re giving your inner child what they had taken from them. They deserve it.
I don't want to derail this post because it's an important message, and OP has addressed it to the people who most need to hear it. But... can i just add, for people who don't feel like they can give themselves permission to do this, that you can give yourself these things even if you didn't overtly experience trauma in childhood?
Even if you never thought of your upbringing as painful or malicious, you can and should still give yourself things you missed out on. Take that class! Learn that skill! Eat the foods you like, or branch out into new ones! Jump in piles of leaves and decorate your walls the way you want them.
Give yourself the things you couldnt have as a kid, especially if you didn't really get to have a childhood, but even if you didn't have the childhood you wanted. Go for a bike ride with friends. Go stargazing. Whatever it was that you feel like you missed, it's important to seek those things and remember that play and joy aren't exclusive to childhood. "
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patriarchy, socialization, masculinity
"we lock boys inside their bodies, too
we don't teach them to cry or be tender, we don't offer softness as an option.. we don't show them how to self-soothe or reach out for support. they learn that intimacy means sex and anything else is excessively emotional. they learn to fear the way their own body could emasculate them if they touch it wrong.they learn that they must be big because being small means being belittled. to be masculine is to assert power and dominance, and so love, or any other emotion, should always be about asserting power and dominance, too. friendship with other men is just a friendly competition, the opposite of vulnerability. deep connection is dangerous, a threat to masculinity; and admitting loneliness or helplessness is admitting defeat.
we see the abuse of sex and rage and power; we see the emotional immaturity and the lack of reciprocity and depth; we wonder how such a profound alienation from one's own humanity and the humanity of others even came into existence - as if we didn't isolate them and put a cage around their hearts when they were small, making it impossible for them to grow any bigger. is it really so surprising that many wind up behaving like caged animals?"
"we lock boys inside their bodies, too
we don't teach them to cry or be tender, we don't offer softness as an option.. we don't show them how to self-soothe or reach out for support. they learn that intimacy means sex and anything else is excessively emotional. they learn to fear the way their own body could emasculate them if they touch it wrong.they learn that they must be big because being small means being belittled. to be masculine is to assert power and dominance, and so love, or any other emotion, should always be about asserting power and dominance, too. friendship with other men is just a friendly competition, the opposite of vulnerability. deep connection is dangerous, a threat to masculinity; and admitting loneliness or helplessness is admitting defeat.
we see the abuse of sex and rage and power; we see the emotional immaturity and the lack of reciprocity and depth; we wonder how such a profound alienation from one's own humanity and the humanity of others even came into existence - as if we didn't isolate them and put a cage around their hearts when they were small, making it impossible for them to grow any bigger. is it really so surprising that many wind up behaving like caged animals?"
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love, hobbies, society indoctrination
"I used to hate using "love" liberally. i felt it was a sacred word only to be used in very special occasions. Now that i'm older, i've come to the realization that love should be shared and felt and received with reckless abandon. Love these characters, love this food, love things in the moment, even if they may seem tiny and insignificant to others. i think it makes life a little more soft around the edges.
Love is not a finite resource."
"I used to hate using "love" liberally. i felt it was a sacred word only to be used in very special occasions. Now that i'm older, i've come to the realization that love should be shared and felt and received with reckless abandon. Love these characters, love this food, love things in the moment, even if they may seem tiny and insignificant to others. i think it makes life a little more soft around the edges.
Love is not a finite resource."
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socialization, guilt, anxiety
"Maybe you aren’t annoying, maybe they were just annoyed. Maybe your entire personality can’t be boiled down to actions others found disruptive. Maybe peoples feelings are subjective views of you, not objective. The same way we teach kids to say "I feel angry when you do this thing" instead of "you made me angry!" maybe you should consider that people, due to their own personal beliefs about social interaction, felt annoyed in response to your actions but that that doesn’t necessarily mean you did something bad or are something bad. And while its sweet that you want to make sure people don’t have negative feelings, there’s a lot of humans in this world and we’re always going to be stepping on each others toes so maybe don’t let people feeling annoyed with you define you. "
"Maybe you aren’t annoying, maybe they were just annoyed. Maybe your entire personality can’t be boiled down to actions others found disruptive. Maybe peoples feelings are subjective views of you, not objective. The same way we teach kids to say "I feel angry when you do this thing" instead of "you made me angry!" maybe you should consider that people, due to their own personal beliefs about social interaction, felt annoyed in response to your actions but that that doesn’t necessarily mean you did something bad or are something bad. And while its sweet that you want to make sure people don’t have negative feelings, there’s a lot of humans in this world and we’re always going to be stepping on each others toes so maybe don’t let people feeling annoyed with you define you. "
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