Sh Ibn Uthaymeen said:
لِتَعْلَم المرأة أنَّ ما يُصيبُها مِن أذًى وأَلَم فِي حال الحمل أو عند الوضع أو في الحضانة بعد ذلك فإنما هو رِفْعَةٌ في درجاتها وكفَّارة لسيئاتِها إذا احْتسَبَتْ هذا على الله سبحانه وتعالى
"𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝗱𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗴𝗻𝗮𝗻𝗰𝘆, 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗯𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗵, 𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗮𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗸 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗶𝗻𝘀 𝗶𝗳 𝘀𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗸𝘀 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗚𝗼𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗶𝘁."
(فتاوى نور على الدرب ج11ص280).

Parents duas is barqath

Dear Parents,
If your children are 10 years and younger please teach them these two simple acts of worship. I am personally making a dedicated effort to do the same this year.

I am also working on making 2 behavioural changes in myself as a guardian and someone who spends a lot of time with kids.

💕 1st Act of Worship - To prolong sitting on the prayer mat/Mussalla.

Our kids finish their prayer and want to run away. Or start chatting with me about Minecraft or 5 minute craft videos that they get to watch. That's just kids being kids.

I gently encourage them to sit and remind them to make the 33,33,34 dhikr.
Then they recite Ayatul Kursi.
Then they recite Sayyidul Istaghfar. (Once in the morning and then after maghrib)
Then 3 simple duas - For Knowledge, For Parents and Dua Rasool Allah ﷺ made the most.

Rabbi zidni ilman
Rabbir hum huma..
Rabbana atina..

This will initially take some effort, reminding and encouragement. But then it becomes a habit for them and you won’t have to remind. I do a quick check and they list out everything they have done – alhumdulillah!

💕 2nd Act of Worship – To forgive and hug siblings after a fight.

A lot of pain in our life comes from fights and disagreements with our siblings as we grow older. And a simple daily reminder to forgive your sibling, to hug them, to say sorry, to kiss them goes a long way.

Recently the brothers had a spat and the younger one was crying. The eldest stood there watching him cry. I requested him to console his younger brother and since he is a kid he didn’t know how.

He asked me how? Or Kya karoon?
I then realized kids don’t know these things and as guardians and parents it’s our job to teach them.

I asked him to hug his little brother, to rub his back and pat his head. Tell him it’s okay. Ask him if he wants to start playing again. And within 30 seconds of the eldest giving that “touch of comfort and reassuring words” the tears were gone and they were back to playing like nothing happened.

How many of us are adults and have no idea how to comfort others or how important “TOUCH” is in our life. A recent study showed that humans need 12 HUGS A DAY for growth and a good mental health.

Sometimes we overlook these little spats or fights between siblings thinking - it’s normal – kids fight. But in those very moments we overlook the opportunity of teaching them “how to be there for each other”.

The gift of family and siblings is one of the greatest gift this life has to offer. And if we fail to teach our children how to love each other, how to comfort each other, how to trust each other, how to talk to each other, how to be there for each other we have failed at being caretakers.

I keep teaching them the importance of being kind and the importance of adaab. My ultimate dream is to help teach our children to be the kindest and most compassionate human beings inshaAllah.

❝He who is deprived of kindness is deprived of goodness.❞
- Prophet Muhammad ﷺ
[Muslim]

✍️1st Behavioural Change in myself: Body Language and words matter.

I realized I would get angry or upset when kids refused to pray Salaah. Also noticed their prayers would be “extra fast” when I wasn’t around monitoring. I had to consciously move away from talking about “fearing Allah” and correcting my facial expressions and body language. Yep kids notice all of it.

I stopped saying:
► Allah will get upset.
► Allah will punish you.
► Allah is going to ask about Salaah as first question on the day of judgment.

I also started keeping shaytan away from conversations.

Realized that’s too heavy for children on a daily basis. We did teach them about punishment of Allah, about hell fire, about salaah being the first question.

But to keep repeating that daily would scar a child for sure.

I started saying these instead…

▪️ Allah is going to gift you with such and such in Jannah. (Home made of chocolate, your own pink unicorn, the greatest lego collection – whatever your children are interested in)
▪️ Allah is going to miss you and wonder where you are and why you haven’t stood in salaah to have a conversation with him. Remind your children they are important to Allah.
▪️ Allah loves when you make dua to Him and he loves to give you. You can talk to Allah about anything.

✍️ 2nd Behavioural Change in myself: Apologize, Compliment daily and Be Flexible.

If the kids are upset because I couldn’t follow through with something I said. It’s mostly something silly like me feeding them food on Saturday or marking their drawings or letting them play some games on my phone. Well silly for me but something very important to them.

They wait the entire week for the weekend - for their pizza parties or their game day or finally some quality time with phuppi.

You have to lead by example and start saying sorry to your children.

You also have to be more present with your children. If they are hyper or crying a lot or not listening. It’s mostly due to – they are catching a flu or getting sick – they are tired – they want to sleep – they are hungry.

Kids experience so many emotions and sometimes the last thing they need from you is a strict regimen.

Sometimes depending on their behaviour it’s okay to let them skip a salaah, to take their afternoon nap early and miss Quran class, it’s okay to delay the home work, it’s okay to ignore a meltdown till they let all those emotions out.

I am a fixer and I want things done a certain way. I had to unlearn that and be flexible.

Some compliments I shower them with on a daily:
✦ You are the best lego builder in the world.
✦ No one draws planes like you do! mashaAllah
✦ How are you so cute? (This usually results in blush and giggles)
✦ How are you so smart? (This usually results in blush and giggles)
✦ You are such a great helper. I appreciate you so much.
✦ I am amazed how quickly you do your homework.
✦ You are so strong!
✦ I love your smile.

What we say as guardians is what they will internalize the most.

Stop saying things like:
✦ You are being very lazy these days.
Instead say:
✦ I love how you prioritize rest, rest is important and essential because then you can inshaAllah show up more energized for your homework and chores.

🤲 May Allah make us better guardians and help us raise a better generation of emotionally intelligent Muslims. May Allah make us guardians that are a source of comfort, peace and trust for the children in our care.
Ameen!

The Noble Scholar Shaykh Sālih al-Fawzān (hafidhahullah) stated:

Perhaps a righteous daughter is better than one thousand sons.

[Dars Laylah (Nightly Lessons), 19.3.1441 A.H, Rabi ul Awwal, The Noble Scholar Shaykh Sālih al-Fawzān (hafidhahullah)]

💠 Be patient with your children:

It is not proper for parents to supplicate against their children for being disobedient or not listening to them. The prohibition of this has been mentioned in some of the Aḥaadeeth. The parents should beware lest, due to their supplications against their own children, the children are placed in difficulty, and the consequences will fall upon the parents. Even if children are disobedient to their parents and irrespective of how hopeless a situation may seem, there is always hope for them to change. So, the parents should not quickly resort to supplicating against them.

The Prophet ﷺ forbade from supplicating against one’s children, one’s wealth, and one’s own self, lest that be made at a time when the supplications are answered. He ﷺ said: ❝Do not pray against yourselves, do not pray against your children, do not pray against your wealth (and possessions) - lest you happen to do it at a time when Allaah is asked for something (i.e., the times when the supplications are accepted), and He grants your request.❞ [1]

The parents’ supplication for or against their children is answered as the Prophet ﷺ said: ❝Three supplications are responded to, there being no doubt about them: the prayer of one who is wronged, the prayer of the traveler, and the supplication of a father for his child.❞ [2]

In another narration, the wording is: ❝and the supplication of a father against his son.❞ [3]

Broken-hearted parents only supplicate against their children when entirely driven to the wall. Naturally, a supplication arising from the bottom of one’s heart stands the best chance of being answered by Allaah. Instead, the parents should be patient and supplicate for their children instead of against them. They should supplicate to Allaah for their guidance and to set their affairs straight.

It is Allaah’s Mercy, Forbearance, and Kindness that He تعالى does not answer the erroneous supplications made by the people in haste or when angry, especially the supplications of the angry parents against their children, as Allaah تعالى said:

﴿وَيَدْعُ الْإِنسَانُ بِالشَّرِّ دُعَاءَهُ بِالْخَيْرِ ۖ وَكَانَ الْإِنسَانُ عَجُولًا﴾
{And man invokes (Allaah) for evil as he invokes (Allaah) for good and man is ever hasty} [4]

Meaning: When a person is angry with someone, he invokes (saying): “O Allaah! Curse him,” or something similar. Allaah is informing us that we should not be hasty; instead, we should be patient.

Allaah تعالى also said:
﴿وَلَوْ يُعَجِّلُ اللَّهُ لِلنَّاسِ الشَّرَّ اسْتِعْجَالَهُم بِالْخَيْرِ لَقُضِيَ إِلَيْهِمْ أَجَلُهُمْ ۖ فَنَذَرُ الَّذِينَ لَا يَرْجُونَ لِقَاءَنَا فِي طُغْيَانِهِمْ يَعْمَهُونَ﴾
{And were Allaah to hasten for mankind the evil (they invoke for themselves and their children, etc., while in a state of anger) as He hastens for them the good (they invoke), then they would have been ruined. So, We leave those who expect not their meeting with Us, in their trespasses, wandering blindly in distraction} [5]

Meaning: The evil the people invoke upon themselves when in rage or the punishment they ask to be brought down upon them. Had Allaah accepted their supplications for evil – the way He تعالى accepts their supplication for good – they would have been destroyed.

Mujaahid said: “It is the man saying to his son or wealth when he is angry: ‘O Allaah don't bless him (or it) and curse him (or it).’” [6]

Al-Ḥaafiẓh Ibn Katheer رحمه الله said: “Here Allaah tells us of His Forbearance and Kindness towards His slaves, for He تعالى does not respond to their supplications when they pray against themselves or their wealth, or their children during times of grief or anger. He تعالى knows that they do not truly intend evil for themselves, so He تعالى doesn’t respond to them out of kindness and mercy, like the way He does when they pray for themselves or their wealth or their children for goodness, blessing, and growth. Had He تعالى responded to all of their evil requests, it (their evil supplications) would have destroyed them. However, people should avoid praying for evil as much as possible.” [7]

True Love ❤️

The children education starts by choosing the right wife.

A child who doesn't feel loved by parents grows up to be a broken adult.

𝐀𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐑𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧

‎Shaykh Ṣāliḥ ibn Fawzān al-Fawzān [حفظه الله]

If a child can do advanced math, speak 3 languages, or receive top grades, but can't manage their emotions, practice conflict resolution, or handle stress, none of that other stuff is really going to matter.

Daughters & sisters are precious

Saw a brother today take a phone call from his mother. As soon as he saw her name on his mobile screen, he sat upright, cleared his throat, and answered the phone with a smile saying “السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته amar shunar mayzi” - which loosely translates to my dear/beloved mother.

The love with which he spoke to his mother was amazing. No wonder Allah has granted him so much goodness in this life.

(This brother is still enjoying the goodnesses of this world. Masha Allah!)

Educate yourselves well enough to teach your own children. Take responsibility as a parent. It’s a treacherous world!

سيأتي على الناس سنوات خدّاعات!

"A time of deceit will come upon the people."

Sunan Ibn Mājah 4036