Rabbitology
Ian Fontova
Allman Brown
The FAIM
Written by Wolves
Smash into Pieces
Breaking Benjamin
Shinedown
Colm R. McGuinness
Marah in the Mainsail
Amber Run
Sanah

زیاد شد....

تیام کاوریست موردعلاقه‌شو همه‌جا جا نده می‌میره

۲۶۱ صفحه بود
با ۲۵۹ صفحه‌ش گریه کردم

و هنوز دارم گریه می‌کنم

سرم درد می‌کنه

چشمام درد می‌کنه

"Grief is a giant neon sign, protruding through everything, pointing everywhere, broadcast loudly, “Love was here.”
In the finer print, quietly, “Love still is.”

"I thought I would hide my grief, carefully, tucked in the folds of my skin. I would keep it safe, keep it quiet, let it be saturated into my body until it slowly takes over me. But grief doesn’t hide; it stained my fingertips and split my lip and made my eyes water with it, until everyone could see. I thought I could hide my grief and let the great world spin, but it didn’t. People stopped for me. They looked me in the eye, gave me food for my sunken bones, smiled at me when my voice stopped working. They took me in and brushed the dead leaves from my grave.
Grief is a living, haunting thing, and love is its shadow."

Evan remembers when he sullenly told Daniel he wasn’t going back to school one day, picking at his shoes, because the kids made fun of his face, for his birthmark, and Daniel leaned over, brushing his brow softly. “This mark?” Daniel asked, and Buck nodded miserably. Daniel huffed, and leaned back. “They don’t know?” Buck frowned, shaking his head. “It’s because I kissed you right there, when you were born. Left a mark behind.”
 

"The name for the Pacific Ocean comes from the Latin for ‘peaceful sea.’ Sounds nice, right?”

از این به بعد هر وقت Pacific Ocean رو ببینم بغض می‌کنم به نویسنده‌ لعنت می‌فرستم

سرم داره منفجر می‌شه🤡

امشب قراره انقدر حرف بزنم حالتون ازم بهم بخوره‌.

خب

من شیش و نیم صبح این رو تموم کردم.
بیاید بررسی‌ش کنیم.
(و طوری رفتار کنیم انگار فن فیکشن نیست)

چیزی که من خوندم درمورد مردی بود که برای نجات برادر بزرگترش به دنیا اومده. برادری که سرطان داره و اعضای خانواده‌ی گزینه‌های مناسبی برای اهدا نیستن. پس پدر و مادرش تصمیم می‌گیرن اون رو به دنیا بیارن.

دلیل این وجود این شخص صرفا نجات برادرش بوده و هویتش طبق همین عنوان شکل گرفته. و برای همین رابطه‌ی عمیقی بینشون شکل می‌گیره و شروع وابستگی بیش از حدی که بخاطر عدم حضور والدین در زندگی‌ش بوده‌.

متاسفانه برادر مرد زنده نمی‌مونه و قبل از تولد مرد می‌میره. و ما‌ توی این ۲۶۱ صفحه قراره بخونیم که چطور این انسان طی بیست سال سوگواری می‌کنه و با مرگ عزیزش کنار میاد.

و من یک ساعت و نیم خوابیدم
چشمام کاسه‌ی خونه‌ و به لیوان نسکافه‌م به عنوان آب حیات نگاه می‌کنم و تمام فکرم درگیر اینه که چرا بیست سال طول کشید. و چرا انقدر رفتار این شخص عجیب بود با توجه به اینکه مدت زمان خیلی زیادی رو کنار برادرش زندگی نکرد.

و این باعث وجود چندین مقاله و یک کتاب ۷۰۰ صفحه‌ای توی گوشیم و کوری تقریبی شد.

توی اولین صفحه شما با همچین چیزی مواجه می‌شید.

• Little interest or pleasure in doing things?

• Feeling down, depressed, or hopeless?

• Trouble falling or staying asleep, or sleeping too much?

• Feeling tired or having little energy?

• Poor appetite or overeating?

• Feeling bad about yourself, or that you are a failure or have let yourself or your family down?

• Do you blame yourself?

• Trouble concentrating on things, such as reading the newspaper or watching television?

• Do you wake up and blame yourself?

• Moving or speaking so slowly that other people could have noticed. Or the opposite – being so fidgety or restless that you have been moving around a lot more than usual?

• You should. You should feel guilty every day you live. It’s your fault.

• Thoughts that you would be better off dead, or of hurting yourself?

• “Who is it? Oh, hey Evan. You okay? Come on, come here. It’s alright. It’s alright, it’s going to be okay. I promise. Don’t, hey, it’s all going to be fine, shush. Hey, did you want to know a fun fact? The name for the Pacific Ocean comes from the Latin for ‘peaceful sea.’ Sounds nice, right? We’ll go there, one day. Me, and you, and Maddie. We’ll go to the coast, and have a whole day out on the beach.”

• Thoughts that you would be better off dead, or of hurting yourself?

• Who else is there to blame?

• Thoughts that you would be better off dead, or of hurting yourself?

• “I love you, kid.”