It’s pathetic actually.

Oh well, I guess it hit a little too close to home.

You know it’s funny actually, when the knot in my stomach came back today I felt relieved. I was eating a bit normal for a few days so it’s nice to go back to not being able to stomach food again. Less guilty, a little lighter.

ED is my only mental disorder I don’t wanna let go of. Idk what I’d do without it.

I realized long ago I need to feel all this, I need there to be an excuse for being a nobody, for being absolutely nothing.

So I guess I’m hanging on to it. Not that there’s a way out of this mess, not that anything will ever help any part of it, but even if, if there was a way out, I’ll be standing there looking at the doorway where the light is seeping through and I won’t take a single fucking step towards it. Because this is safe, this is where I belong.

Do you too whenever see them together hear Carlos’ voice saying “together or nothing” or am I just going completely insane?

It is.

How long can you hide?
How long can you hide?
How long can you hide?
How long can you hide?
How long can you hide?
How long can you hide?
How long can you hide?
How long can you hide?
How long can you hide?

I’m typing Lesbian and my autocorrect is like “oh do you mean Lestappen?” Coincidence? Oh I think not.

Another day of missing my sunshine.

Feeling that “should shave my head” urge yet once again.

#brocedes #f1