Differences in experience

I've heard aro and ace people online talk about feeling pressured into romance and/or sex. This is of course awful, but the experience also feels a bit alien to me. Especially when it comes to sex. People in my country are assumed to want a romantic relationship, but as far as I'm aware aren't typically pressured into it. No one has ever acted like I'm weird for never having been in a relationship. Surprised perhaps, but nothing more than that.

And when it comes to sex, I can't even imagine starting a conversation about someone's sex life, and I've never had anyone ask about mine. Conversations about romantic relationships, or lack there-of, makes sense. That affects how you interact with the world, your perspective on some things etc. But I've never met a person who is interested in my sex life. I didn't have many friends when I was a teenager, and with the few I had sex was never a topic we talked about. In college I gained more friends. There were sex jokes among my friends, but no one made fun of others for their sex lives. I'm sure that happened in some friend groups, but if it happened among people I knew, I never noticed it.

I understand that I'm priviledged in that, and that different cultures put different emphasis on both sex and romance, and that it's always a struggle when society assumes, or even expects you, to be a certain way. It just feels like for whatever reason, I can't relate to that particular experience.

Not entirely sure what the point is with this text other than getting some thoughts out. We all have different experiences, and no one should feel forced to live a life a certain way.

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I'm prefer queerplatonic relationships overall, yet I'm slightly open to romance?


I thought I wasn't into romance IRL anymore



But now i realize that I'm open to romance when it comes organically

I'm just not gonna look for it like i used to

I still enjoy romantic crushes and fantasies tho

But i don't mind looking for QPRs

Because unlike romance, I'm able to process platonic interactions more comfortably and realistically

Every time romantic feelings were involved, infatuation came alongside it. And it was always hard for me to separate the two

So imma lean towards QPRs as an overall preference, while not completely discounting romance



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The other day my sister asked if I was ace...

I was keeping her company while she was cooking. We were alone. So she said "ive been thinking about something. And wanted to ask you, without offending you...." and I was like "oh shit, what is it now?" And she looked at me and asked "are you asexual?"

I said "uh, yeah. I am" and this woman literally said "I KNEW IT!"

So yeah, thats my boring coming out story lol. My sister was more hype about being right than my sexuality lmao

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Being a silent observer in this society

In this amatonormative society

Where love is seen as the solution

To every problem in medias and most of the songs that are being produced are about romantic love, and romantic love being pushed on everyone to make everyone follow this social norm

As observer and not participant of this game and customs , what do you think about all of this

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Always wanted to try makeup for fun

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YA Ace Books in 2026!!!
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YA Ace Books in 2026!!!
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What do you think about jokes about adult virgins?

It's pretty common for people to stereotype adult virgins as losers or pathetic or what have you.Or like in the movie The 40-Year Old Virgin. I'm a 37 year old virgin male, and those jokes never particularly bothered me. I never thought that they were making fun of me personally, because I always felt like I could have sex if I wanted to, but I never cared enough to bother with it.

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Hey, is there a kind of intimacy that you don’t think it’s sexual but most people do? If so, which one is it?
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Redoing a Ace inspired creature. Hope y'all like him
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Which type of attraction overwhelms you whenever you experience it? Which type of attraction is most likely to ground you in reality?


Attractions:


Romance

Platonic

Aesthetic

Sensual

Intellectual

Alterous

Sexual


etc etc.

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I hate tampons

My parents decided that we are going to the beach to new year, which I wouldn't mind if I was allowed to stay in the sand. I don’t like the sea, but I NEED to go to the sea because it’s the only place someone so old (as in older than 10) can play and if I don’t go I ruin all the fun and they will keep complaining non-stop. But when I thought I had find a loophole to not be dragged to the water, they are now bottering about tampons and how I NEED to use them so I can have "real" fun in the beach (Did I mention I don’t like the sea?) and I can’t show any kind of discomfort about them bothering me because according to them, the other one said I loved swimming and since my sister uses tampons, I need to give them a try because I will like them like my sister.

I don’t know if it’s a sex-averse thing (probably is) but I hate the sensation of being penetrated by anything, and just the idea of having something inside of me for hours nonstop just to I can take a salty bath so my drunken parents don’t get their fellings hurt makes me feel gross. Then my mom bought the tampons, my sister saw then and her first reaction was "MOM, THOSE ARE WAY TO BIG!" I hate my own fingertips, she is the one that is used to it, I had never used it in my life, my mom haven’t seen my vagina since I got potty trained and I can’t even not want to use the tampons that are "way to big".

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Being an ace man :/

From what I've seen (mostly in person, less so online) it seems like if a woman has limited sexual experience, or isn't particularly sexual, it's seen as desirable and "pure" - some assholes think that this makes them prudish or whatever, and while I'm sure women get harassed for it a lot more than I can see, I only know my own experience

Being a man on the other hand (allegedly a pretty good looking one, too) I feel like there's a lot of societal pressure to be some sort of sex god. From a societal sense of worth to inappropriate questions about what I have/haven't done with various women, it really does feel like there's something wrong with me.

It all just seems very emasculating, and like I'm less than. Again, it beats being harassed, but it isn't great.

I know that everyone here will say that there's nothing wrong with being ace, and I agree with that on an ideological basis, but that doesn't mean society as a whole agrees

Anyway, I guess I was just feeling sad :(

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Being asexual vs defensive vs repressed vs sexual dysfunction?

Genuine question mainly for folks who went through a questioning phase. Especially folks with trauma and/or grew up in sex-negative / body-negative environments.

How did you know you were asexual as opposed to avoiding intimacy, or just learned to repress yo ur sexuality and view sex as a bad thing due to bad experiences? How did you know you genuinely weren’t interested in sex?

And what’s the difference between being asexual vs having a sexual arousal disorder or a low libido as a symptom of a health concern? Is it simply that you aren’t distressed by your lack of desire / arousal response? Or is it something else?

Thanks y’all!

And apologies if any language I used was insensitive.

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How did you all learn you were ace?
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Am I Asexual?

If you are questioning whether or not you are asexual (including all microlabels), reply to this post with what made you start questioning, and why.

If you are too shy to post a reply, then you can scroll through the responses for the advice you may be searching for.

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Y’all ever wish you weren’t ace sometimes?

I’m 23M and I’m closeted and most likely will be forever. I don’t plan on telling anyone except my future partner, who will hopefully also be ace and what not.

But man, I can’t relate with my homies or guys around me sometimes. Today, genuinely, we went out for a mini group reunion and everyone got a bit plastered lol. And then the boys who were single talked about what their “type” was and things they’re “into”. So for context I’m sex averse and I truly don’t have any thoughts like that in terms of a partner. I know it sounds cheesy and corny, but I’m not a “looks” or an “acts” orientated guy, I go off vibes. My turn came and I made some stuff up and fronted lol.

I tell everyone I’m waiting till marriage cuz I’m religious(only a half lie cuz I’m kinda religious but obviously that’s not why I’m waiting till marriage), so they think that’s what’s hindering me from relationships lol. But it’s a convenient white lie that stops prodding questions.

Anyway, that entire talk, I felt like I was acting a character. Thankfully my “main group” of friends and my inner circles, we don’t really have convos like that. But like outer circles and people like the old buddies I hung out with today it’s like that.

But this isn’t even my first time, I’ve been in multiple locker room talks and some of my good homies are frat boy types too and they’re like brothers to me and I’ve hung out with them most of my undergrad life when I was there. So like I’ve been putting up a “front” for a while.

And to add to that, despite being from America and being around queerness and it being normalized to me, my folks are from India and are more like a “not in my backyard” type, so I don’t even think I would ever tell my folks.

Sometimes I find myself thinking I was I was “normal” and not having to play a character lol. I play a character for friends and family alike, and it gets exhausting, so sometimes I wish I was just that character instead you know? But I quickly get out of it somehow lol.

Anyway yeah just wanted to vent. Might be a bit buzzed still lol. Anyone else relate?

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Decorations! By Me.
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A few more Hydrangea! By Me.
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