There has long been debate about Big Bird's species, with some experts claiming he was a canary, but recent genetic analysis places him firmly in Cariamiformes.

Most properties can only boast INDOOR heated floors.

If you have an old phone in a drawer, and you listen very carefully, you can occasionally hear the occasional tap of an emitted SIM card hitting the side of the drawer as the phone transmutes to a lower-end model.

We haven't actually seen a star fall in since we invented telescopes, but I have a list of ones I'm really hoping are next.

later I don't get why our pizza slices have such terrible reviews; the geotextile-infused sauce gives the toppings incredible slope stability!

I have to pay with paper money.

When you worry that you're missing out on something by not making both choices simultaneously by quantum superposition, that's called phomo.

Our anti-de Sitter club is small at the moment, but I've started corresponding with the conformal field theory people.

The biggest expense was installing the mantle ducts to keep the carbonate-silicate cycle operating.

'Wow, that must be why you swallow so many of them per year!' 'No, that's spiders. You swallow WAY more ants.'

After initial tests created a series of large holes in the wall of the lab, the higher-power Scanning Tunneling Tennis Ball Microscope project was quickly shut down.

It's important to learn the moves that take you into the vortex, but it's best not to study vortex itself too closely. Even grandmasters who have built up a tolerance lose the ability to play for a few hours after studying it.

Juno mission data suggests that Jupiter actually contains Matryoshka doll-style nested copies of every other planet in the Solar System.

Unstoppable force-carrying particles can't interact with immovable matter by definition.

In addition to gravity, burritos interact through the strong, weak, and electromagnetic forces, which is believed to be a major contributor to their popularity.

Frankly, given their extreme gravitational fields and general instability, even 12-inch globes should probably be banned.

Reductio ad absurdum fails when reality is absurd.

P.S. If you have time travel, come to my birthday party Saturday!

Scholars are still debating whether the current period is post-postmodern or neo-contemporary.