5 Tips for Mastering the Art of Assertiveness

Assertiveness is a crucial skill that can help you communicate more effectively, establish healthy boundaries, and maintain self-confidence.

To help you navigate this delicate balance, here are five key strategies to enhance your assertiveness:

Keep Your Cool in Stressful Situations

A key aspect of being assertive is learning how to remain calm and composed under stress. When you're able to maintain a level-headed demeanor, you'll be better equipped to articulate your thoughts and needs clearly.

So, take a deep breath, stay focused on the issue at hand, and remember that you have every right to express yourself.

Learn to Make Requests Confidently

One of the foundations of assertiveness is knowing when and how to ask for what you want. When making a request, be clear and concise about what you need from the other person.

Remember that it's okay to ask for help or support, and you shouldn't feel guilty for doing so.

Harness the Power of Assertive Body Language

Your non-verbal communication can be just as important as the words you say when it comes to being assertive. Adopting assertive body language can help convey your message with confidence and authority.

Some key components of assertive body language include: Maintaining eye contact Standing or sitting up straight

Using open, relaxed gestures Speaking with a clear, confident tone

Project Confidence Through Your Body Language

Confident body language goes hand-in-hand with assertive communication. When you display signs of confidence, others are more likely to take you seriously and respect your boundaries.

Some ways to project confidence through your body language include:
Keeping your chin up and shoulders back
Taking up space by standing or sitting with a wide stance
Using purposeful, controlled gestures
Avoiding nervous habits, like fidgeting or touching your face

Disagree Respectfully and Make Your Case

Assertiveness involves standing up for your beliefs and opinions, even when they differ from those of others. When disagreeing, make sure to do so respectfully, while clearly stating your own case.

This can be done by:

Acknowledging the other person's point of view
Stating your disagreement with specific reasons or examples
Suggesting alternatives or solutions that align with your perspective

"Everyone's friend is nobody's friend" is simply wrong and misleading.

It implies that friendship is a zero-sum game, meaning the more friends we have, the less valuable each one becomes.

That's simply not true.

Of course, quality over quantity. In all things, not just friendships.

But the more friends you have, the more valuable your network is.

The more options you have and the more opportunities come to you.

Friendships also have degrees.

A close friend is not an acquaintance.

So it's not because your close friend knows someone you don't like that they won't be loyal to you if need be.

To this flawed proverb, I prefer:

"You cannot trust a man without enemies."

Grand Rising.

Lack of power is bad for your health. To have power is to be in control. To lack it is to be at the mercy of arbitrary decisions, mood swings, the agenda of those who can say yes or no.

This is very unpleasant.

You have already felt this sense of injustice.

Perhaps it was a job interview, a request for promotion, the cancellation of a fine, obtaining financing or the signature of a client...

In any case, you were told no. But you had done your job. Your request cost you time, energy, courage...but “no”.

A definitive “no”, a “no” that you have no control over, a “no” that can set you on the wrong track.

A “no” is a blow to your morale. It will trigger anger, sadness, shame or indignation.

The worst thing is that if you let these emotions show, you are confirming the other person's decision: it is proof that your shoulders were not wide enough, that you were not stable enough, that you were not ready yet.

This experience, when repeated, produces doubt: what if they were right, what if I was mediocre, less good than the others? This doubt produces stress: what will become of me? will I ever make it?

Yes, you will.

Make your plans and let people adapt to them.

Don't budge.
Don't compromise.
Don't negotiate.

The more you indulge in explanation and allow discussion, the more time you waste and the more likely you are to concede and go out of your way.

The best way to avoid being influenced or manipulated is by simply sticking to the promises you made to yourself.

Saying "I don't have time for this." should never sound bitter in your mouth.

It should sound determine and categorical.

Be sharp in your decisions.
Be consistent in your execution.
Be intense in the pursuit of your goals.

Grand Rising.

Ego is not arrogance.

Arrogance is a behavior.
Ego is an idea.

Ego simply means sense of identity.

Ego being symbolic of arrogance is a common misinterpretation of the concept and a mistake everyone makes.

Words have meanings, you cannot just assume and use it however you please.

Ego is essential to human psyche and functioning, denying it or antagonizing it can only result in severe mental problems.

Ego is central to consciousness.

And without it, no human being can function.

The idea of transcending your ego is a religious fairytale.

As a human being, you cannot and should not try to get rid of your ego.

Because if you defeat your ego, then who wins?

Understand this:

You cannot run away from yourself.

Grand Rising.

Growing up, I used to be extremely shy (I know it's hard to believe lol but I used to be very different)

I remember as a kid, in school...

Whenever a teacher asked a question, I'd give the answer to my classmate.

I felt too shy to speak up;
I felt that people would judge me if my answer was wrong.

Later in life, on many occasions, I failed to get what I wanted because I was afraid of various imaginary scenarios going on in my head.

"What if I say something wrong? I better stay silent."

"They may make fun of me if I say that."

But that's not even the worst part.

Because when you think like this, your mind is already made up.

The worst part is the internal conflict.

"Should I speak up? It's better if I don't."

"Maybe I shouldn't... But.. I should."

and the back and forth kept going.

Sometimes for so long that the opportunity just vanishes while I'd stay stuck in my own head.

It truly is mental torture.

I promised myself I'd get over this.

So I did.

It took a lot of trial and error.

But I went through it so you don't have to.

Here are some things that truly helped me fix this:

-Understand that everyone has insecurities, and you are not alone in your feelings of shyness. This knowledge can help you feel more at ease in social situations.

-Shift your focus from your internal thoughts and feelings to the world around you. By observing your surroundings, you'll be more likely to find common ground with others and feel less self-conscious.

-Choose to act, especially when you feel shy.

-Challenge your beliefs about worst-case scenarios in social situations. Instead, try to consider more positive outcomes and remember that everyone makes mistakes, and it's not the end of the world.

-Recognize that it's normal to feel nervous in certain situations. Embrace these feelings as a natural part of the human experience rather than fighting them.

-Normalize physical reactions: If you blush, shake, or sweat during social interactions, don't dwell on these reactions. It happens to everyone.

-Change the way you talk to yourself. Encourage yourself, acknowledge your progress, and celebrate small victories in overcoming shyness.

Last but not least:

Stop seeing shyness as a barrier, view it as an opportunity for growth.

Embrace your shyness as a sign that you're pushing your boundaries and becoming less shy over time.

Persevere and continue to put yourself out there, knowing that your efforts are helping you grow.

INSTANT AND SPONTANEOUS ACTION IS THE SOLUTION.

If you see a solution, go for it right there and right then.

Do not hesitate. Do not think twice.

Do shit, deal with the consequences.

If you move fast enough, you don't have time to worry.

Fix everything without wasting a single second.

Pick up the beautiful habit of responding to problems with immediate action.

ACTION = REACTION

"Oh but what if I regret it later?"

You'll never know if you don't do it.

What if you don't?

Seriously, don't overthink it.

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all."

Many people find themselves in this rut, clinging onto past glories and unable to embrace the present or future.

Sure, it might feel comfortable and familiar, but it can also be limiting and downright boring.

Why settle for a stagnant existence when there's so much more out there?

One of the biggest culprits of staying stuck is the belief that your past was your peak.

Maybe you had a great job, a thriving social life, or a fulfilling relationship, and now you can't imagine anything topping that.

But guess what?

Life is full of peaks and valleys, and just because you hit a high point in the past doesn't mean you've reached your limit. In fact, the best may be yet to come.

"The past does not equal the future unless you live there."

Don't let your past successes (or failures) dictate your present or future.

Focus on the present moment and all the possibilities it holds.

Think of your past as a foundation for your future, not a blueprint that must be replicated.

So how do you avoid getting stuck?

Keep moving.

Don't settle for complacency or comfort.

Challenge yourself to try new things, meet new people, and explore new horizons.

Growth and progress require a willingness to step outside your comfort zone.

If you're not willing to do that, you're simply not going to make it.

You need that conscious choice.

And here is how you do it:

Instead of thinking in terms of scarcity ("I only have so much time/money/energy"), adopt a mindset of abundance ("There's always more where that came from").

When you believe that there's an endless supply of opportunities, resources, and experiences available to you, you'll be more likely to take risks and pursue your dreams.

Don't let the past hold you back.

The best is yet to come, and it's up to you to make the most of it.

Managing your mental space is crucial to maintaining your sanity.

In a world where we are constantly bombarded with information and opinions, it can be difficult to know what to focus on and what to let go of.

The solution?

Give no fucks about what doesn't matter to you.

It's easy to get caught up in the opinions and beliefs of others, especially in the age of social media.

But the truth is that not everything is worth your time and energy.

earning to let go of what doesn't matter can be incredibly liberating.

To do this, it's important to prioritize your mental space.

Ask yourself: "Does it impact my life in ANY way?"

If the answer is no, then why waste your mental energy on it?

You don't have to have an opinion on everything.

And most of the time, it really doesn't have any direct effect on your life.

Of course, there are some things that do matter and that we should care about.

But even in these cases, it's important to focus on what you can do to make a difference rather than getting bogged down in the negativity and hopelessness of the situation.

For example, let's say you come across a news article about a celebrity's latest scandal. Do you really need to have an opinion on it? Does it impact your life in any meaningful way?

Probably not.

Or, let's say you're at a party and someone brings up a topic that doesn't interest you. Do you need to engage in the conversation or have an opinion on the matter? Not necessarily.

You can simply choose to disengage and focus your attention on something that does interest you.

By focusing on what truly matters to you and letting go of what doesn't, you can create a mental space that is free from unnecessary clutter and noise.

You can prioritize your own thoughts, rather than being influenced by the opinions of others.

In the end, it's all about balance.

Yes, it's important to care about the things that matter and take action when necessary, but it's equally important to let go of what doesn't matter and focus on your own mental well-being.

Give no fucks about what doesn't matter to you, and prioritize your mental space.

Trust me on this one, you'd be surprised how much more you'll achieve by simply ignore what doesn't impact your life.

Let me tell you a story about my experience joining my university's football club.

I've always loved football and was excited to be a part of a team that shared my passion for the sport.

But things didn't exactly go as planned.

At first, the tryouts were no problem for me, and I was thrilled when I got accepted into the club.

But once I joined my first practice session, I quickly realized that there was a clear divide between the main team and the rest of us.

It seemed like the main team was composed of a group of friends who had known each other for a while, and the coach had very little say in who was selected to play.

To be honest, some of the reserve team players were actually better than the starters, but it didn't seem to matter.

I couldn't help but wonder what was going on. It wasn't just about skill - there seemed to be something else at play.

So I made it my goal to join the main team and become a starter by the end of the semester.

I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I was up for the challenge.

I knew how good I was and I knew that I objectively deserved a place on that team.

I decided to analyze the group more and figure out the group dynamics.

Who was calling the shots, who had no say, who liked who, and who hated who?

I knew that understanding these dynamics would be key to getting what I wanted.

It didn't take long for me to realize that the keeper was the one who was truly in charge of the team.

So I made it my mission to befriend him and try to get in his good graces.

I figured that if I could win him over, it would be much easier for me to become a starter.

But there was a problem - the guy who was playing in my position happened to be the keeper's roommate.

It was clear that they were good friends, which made it extremely hard for me to take his place on the team, even though I was objectively better than him.

So I decided to take a different approach. Instead of trying to compete with the current striker, I made it my mission to team up with him and create a sort of tandem where we could complement each other's strengths in the attack.

It wasn't easy - he wasn't the best player, and it took some work to get on the same page. But I knew it was my best shot at becoming a starter.

Eventually, my efforts paid off. I became a starter and began playing together with the striker upfront.

It wasn't exactly the way I had planned it, but it worked.

I was on the pitch and it only took a few games for the whole team to realize they'd rather pass me the ball rather than passing to my partner.

The lesson here is that understanding group dynamics is key to success in any social situation.

Whether you're joining a new sports team or starting a new job, it's important to take the time to observe the dynamics at play and figure out your position in the group.

Who are the influential members, and how can you get in their good graces? Who are the potential allies or rivals, and how can you build relationships that will help you succeed?

Being aware of the group dynamics can help you navigate social situations more effectively and avoid unnecessary conflicts or misunderstandings.

So, the next time you find yourself in a new social group, remember this and take the time to spot the dynamics. It might just make all the difference.

Saying "yes" to something you don't want to do is the ultimate act of disrespect to yourself.

It’s just the truth.

It shows that you don't value your own time, energy, and well-being as much as you value someone else's.

And that's not okay.

It's time to stop apologizing for choosing your self-interest over doing favors.

Your interests matter, and they deserve to be honored. When you say "no" to something you don't want to do, you're not being selfish - you're being authentic.

You're acknowledging your own needs and boundaries, and that's a powerful thing.

Think about it this way - if you constantly say "yes" to things you don't want to do, you're sending a message to the world that your time and energy are expendable.

You're setting a precedent that it's okay for others to take advantage of you, and that's not a healthy or sustainable way to live.

On the other hand, when you say "no" to something you don't want to do, you're setting a clear boundary and sending a message that your needs matter.

You're respecting yourself, and in turn, others will respect you more for it.

Of course, saying "no" can be easier said than done.

I’ll give you that. It’s not always easy.

It can feel uncomfortable, awkward, or even scary.

But here's the thing - the more you practice saying "no," the easier it becomes.

And the more you honor your own needs, the more empowered and confident you'll feel.

So, the next time someone asks you to do a favor you don't want to do, remember this: you have the power to say "no."

You have the power to prioritize your own interests and well-being.

And you have the power to show the world that you're worthy of respect and dignity.

Don't let the fear of disappointing others or losing their approval hold you back from honoring your own needs.

Saying "no" is not a sign of weakness - it's a sign of strength and self-respect.

I used to overshare a lot. I would tell anyone and everyone everything, thinking that my secrets were safe. But the reality was, the more I shared, the more my secrets got out.

One time, I remember telling a friend about a brand I wanted to start. I showed him all my ideas and designs and gave him access to all the information I was working on. I trusted him, and he said he could help me with it.

Fast forward a few months, and I'm looking for competitors. I come across a website and Instagram profile that do EXACTLY what I had in mind. It was as if someone implemented everything I was working on. And then, I saw it: my logo on their website.

I couldn't believe it. I had shared my idea with someone I thought I could trust, and now they had stolen it from me. It was a harsh lesson to learn, but it taught me two things:

First, when you get an idea, act fast.

Don't wait around and let someone else beat you to the punch. Take action, even if it's just a small step in the right direction. It could make all the difference.

Second, learn to keep your mouth shut.

Sharing too much information can cost you money, time, and even friendships. So, it's important to be selective about who you share your ideas with and how much you reveal.

The importance of these two principles cannot be overstated.

When you have an idea, act fast and be selective about who you share it with.

The less they know, the less they can ruin.

I may have lost an opportunity on that day, but I learned two valuable lessons that I’ll take with me to the grave.

And the truth is, someone like that who was ready to backstab me?

Did I really lose a friend?

I don’t think so.

When people hear the word ego, they often associate it with vanity or arrogance.

But in reality, ego is simply our sense of self.

It's how we perceive ourselves and our place in the world.

There's a common misconception that there's such a thing as a "big ego."

The truth is: there are strong egos and weak egos.

A strong ego is one that is self-validated, confident, and self-sufficient.

A weak ego, on the other hand, seeks validation from others and can be either arrogant or humble.

For example, let's say you're at a party, and someone is making negative comment about your outfit.

A person with a weak ego might feel embarrassed or even lash out in anger.

You might say something like, "Well, at least I don't dress like a clown!" in an attempt to make yourself feel better.

Others will freeze and simply feel like shit.

Both have a weak ego, because both live through the eyes of others.

What people say about them matters to them and defines their identity.

This is what a weak ego means.

In contrast, a person with a strong ego might brush off the comment and say something like, "Thanks for the feedback, but I like it."

They are self-validated and confident in their own choices and don't feel the need to seek validation from others.

People think having a strong ego means being an asshole.

That’s not true.

A person who puts others down or belittles them is not confident or self-validated.

They are seeking validation through negative means, which is a sign of a weak ego.

Ego is not the enemy.

It's a natural and necessary part of who we are.

The key is to develop a strong and healthy ego that is self-validated, confident, and self-sufficient.

Don't seek validation from others or put them down to feel better about yourself.

Focus on your own growth and development, and don't let anyone else define your sense of self.

Never underestimate people's ability to make stupid decisions.

Seriously, it happens more often than you think. Whether it's in relationships, finances, or career choices, people can be prone to making thoughtless choices that affect not only themselves but also those around them.

Now, if you've got some skin in the game and their choices impact you, it's your responsibility to step in.

Warn them, loud and clear. Make it unmistakable. Share your experiences, knowledge, and insights to help them see the potential pitfalls they might be overlooking.

Eliminate any doubt.

You want to avoid giving them any chance to claim you kept them in the dark.

Trust me, you don't want to get to that

Why? Simple. They'll mess it all up, and then, guess who they'll point their finger at? That's right—YOU.

To prevent these blunders from happening, it's essential to recognize the signs.

Are they acting impulsively? Do they have a history of poor decision-making? Are they failing to consider the long-term consequences? If you spot these red flags, it's time to intervene.

And remember, intervention doesn't have to be negative or confrontational. It can be supportive and empowering.

Offer them guidance and resources to help them make better decisions. Encourage them to think critically and analyze the situation from different perspectives.

Share stories of people who've been in similar situations and how they overcame those challenges. Real-life examples can be powerful motivators and can often help others recognize the potential dangers they face.

Make them realize you're on their side and not against them.

Otherwise they'll get defensive.

Don't shy away from asking difficult questions.

As uncomfortable as it can get, that's the only way to have more thoughtful decisions and, ultimately, a better outcome for everyone involved.

Of course, you can't control other people's actions.

But by being proactive and lending a helping hand, you can at least steer them in the right direction. And if they still choose to ignore your advice and make a mistake, at least you'll know you did everything in your power to help.

You can minimize the negative consequences of these missteps and, hopefully, help those around you learn valuable lessons.

Don't just stand there and watch the trainwreck unfold. Waiting for them to fuck it up to blame them for it.

Don't play their game.

Step in and make a difference.

Share your knowledge, offer support, and be the person who helps.

We all have our own bullshit - negative habits and behaviors that hold us back. But the first step to changing them is awareness. When we become aware of our negative tendencies, we can start to take action to change them.

One effective way to do this is through negative reinforcement.

Telling yourself a strict "No" when you're about to relapse into an old habit or stopping a negative train of thoughts by loudly saying "No I shouldn't think like that".

The fun part?

Just like we can catch ourselves when we're misbehaving and cut it short, we can also do the same with others.

For example, let's say you have a friend who is always interrupting you when you speak. Instead of letting them continue, you can negatively reinforce this behavior by interrupting them back and letting them know that it's not okay.

Or, let's say you have a colleague who is always late for meetings. You can negatively reinforce this behavior by starting the meeting without them and letting them know that their tardiness is not acceptable.

The key to negative reinforcement is to catch the behavior early and address it immediately. By doing so, you're sending a clear message that the behavior is not acceptable, and you're less likely to see it happen again.

Keep in mind: This is not a substitute for positive reinforcement, which is a more effective long-term strategy for changing behavior.

It's to be used right on the spot.

Positive reinforcement involves rewarding desirable behavior with praise or recognition.

For example, if your friend listens to you without interrupting, you can positively reinforce this behavior by thanking them and letting them know how much you appreciate it.

Conversely, rewarding yourself for what you do well will encourage you to do it more often and repeat it again.

Basic Pavlov conditioning.

That's how we all operate.

When I tell you that once you understand yourself, your social skills skyrocket, this is what I mean. We're all humans and we operate in very similar ways.

Understand yourself and the world will make sense.

It becomes so much easier to deal with others when you learn how to deal with your own crap.

Once you decide to cut ties with someone, don't look back.

Don't give a second chance, don't second guess yourself.

Move on and turn the page.

Remove them from your existence.

You disrespect yourself any time you open your door to someone who's repeatedly crossed the line with you.

There are boundaries that should not be crossed.

If you set them clearly and effectively yet find people crossing them, it simply means they have no respect for you.

Your duty was to let them know where you draw the line.

Their duty was to respect that.

If they don't, you HAVE to walk away.

It's not just "okay" to do so.

It is necessary.

Understand this:

Most people are replaceable and most people are temporary.

When their date expires, it's time to throw them out and get a new entourage.

Not everyone is supposed to stay forever.

Make peace with this fact and stop giving second chances to people who don't deserve them.

Grand Rising:

We'll be on a Twitter space today for anyone who wants to chime in

https://twitter.com/EgoDriv/status/1651527622105477122