Yo Mama so stupid she watches the couch and sits in the TV.

#yomama

I exhale my name, then you absorb my soul every time that you breathe in...

Glock Six- 6lack

I wonder how many people don't get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to be with.

People that aren’t used to quality always chase quantity.

I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?”

He said, “Try the ATM outside”

Capitalization can really change a sentence.

Example:

I love to eat candy.

I love to eat capitalization.

What did the letter O say to the letter Q?


"For God's sake man, put some pants on!"

Confucius says...

It is good to meet girl in park
but BETTER to park meat in girl

Use chemicals to remove polish and no one cares..

But use chemicals to remove Polish and you're literally Hitler.

I saw a lizard

and it became a spotted lizard

What's the best part about dating a black girl?

You don't have to meet her father.

I broke my finger last week.

On the other hand everything is fine.

Since cell phones are all going waterproof, pretty soon we’ll be able to push people off of boats again.

The most beautiful paintings are the ones that look real, and the most beautiful moments in nature are the ones that look like a painting

John Cena wakes up ...

John Cena wakes up in a hospital

John Cena: Where am I?

Nurse: ICU

John Cena: No you can't.

A 5 second unskippable ad feels longer than 5 seconds to skip a 30 seconds long ad

I can remember song lyrics to a song from 2003
But I can't remember why I walked in the kitchen

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Cow says.

Cow says who?

No, a cow says mooooo!

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Tank.

Tank who?


You are welcome.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Ya.

Ya who?

Yahoo! I’m just as psyched to see you!