The only thing that’s worse than being ignored by the other gender is being ignored by automatic door sensors.
Some people think they're better than you because they grew up richer. Some people think they're better than you because they grew up poorer.
Her: You get me wet when you talk to me like that
Me: Yeah babe, you like my sexy voice don't you?
Her: What? No. You spit when you talk. Stop spitting on me!
Me: Yeah babe, you like my sexy voice don't you?
Her: What? No. You spit when you talk. Stop spitting on me!
Dirty dishes are so much grosser in cold water than in hot water.
Maybe I should just start conversations with myself . Ain't no body gonna understand me better .
You think your life is hard? I have to fake laugh at every dumb joke my boss make
Behind every bad dad joke is a dad who just wants to cheer you up.
Theme parks can snap a clear photo of you going 70 mph, but banks can’t get a clear shot of a robber standing still
When they make me angry and tell me to keep calm, it's exactly like shooting someone and tell him not to bleed!
Be wiser than other people if you can, but do not tell them so.