Some people think they're better than you because they grew up richer. Some people think they're better than you because they grew up poorer.

Her: You get me wet when you talk to me like that

Me: Yeah babe, you like my sexy voice don't you?

Her: What? No. You spit when you talk. Stop spitting on me!

Dirty dishes are so much grosser in cold water than in hot water.

Maybe I should just start conversations with myself . Ain't no body gonna understand me better .

Self complement is the best motivation!

You think your life is hard? I have to fake laugh at every dumb joke my boss make

Behind every bad dad joke is a dad who just wants to cheer you up.

Theme parks can snap a clear photo of you going 70 mph, but banks can’t get a clear shot of a robber standing still

I’m a very private person.
You don’t ask,i don’t tell.

When they make me angry and tell me to keep calm, it's exactly like shooting someone and tell him not to bleed!

My role model is.....the perfect me i created.

All house is not home.

I swear I’ll shine again but not in your sky ...

Be wiser than other people if you can, but do not tell them so.

Being Alone Has a power that very few people can handle☺

One day you’ll stop being asked what you want to be when you grow up, and instead be asked what you wanted to be.

Your funeral is the one thing you will attend and miss simultaneously.

The sound of your doorbell after 10pm is frightening

"I kept crying for something that I was never gonna have ..." she whispered .
" It was never meant to be yours . "