Mom: you've been watching movies for hours. Why don't you try reading for a while.

Me: turns on subnoscripts

@deepthoughts2

You spelled one word wrong in the media and here comes AKEELAH AND THE BEE🐝

@deepthoughts2

I hope you find someone who speaks your language so you don't have to spend a lifetime translating your soul

@deepthoughts2

You need power, only when you want to do something harmful, otherwise love is enough to get everything done

@deepthoughts2

If you order a clock and it gets delivered to you, your time has come.

@deepthoughts2

Before a movie starts at a theatre, it's just 60 people sitting in the dark eating corn.

@deepthoughts2

My girl is addicted to coke, and she don't do drugs.

@deepthoughts2

IQ is a measure of how good you are at taking IQ tests.

@deepthoughts2

Sorry I wasn't around
Had to walk for a walk

@deepthoughts2

Take me back to the night we met.🌃

@deepthoughts2

*Poses like a duck that's choking while smiling and gets 123 likes on Instagram*

*Adds "model" to my bio*

@deepthoughts2

First date*

Me: which fruit do u like most?

Her: apple

Me: *trying to impress her "So what do you think we would look like if Adams apple were from the back of our neck?

Her:

Me:

Her:*stand up and walk away

@deepthoughts2

"Baby I want you back"

Me talking to the money that I spent for nothing.

@deepthoughts2

I saw that you were perfect, and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not, and I loved you more

@deepthoughts2

I think it's beautiful
the way you sparkle
when you talk about
the things you love

@deepthoughts2

I saw the way you looked at me and realized, maybe this is what it feels like to be found

@deepthoughts2

At one point in time, blinking during a photograph was a very expensive mistake.

@deepthoughts2

I have a feeling that my next set of sperms contains the future PM of Ethiopia ..any available lady to help me save Ethiopia?

@deepthoughts2

My girl is so hot : ሾርባ ስትበላ ሾርባው እሷ እስክትቀዘቅዝ ነው ሚጠብቀው.

@deepthoughts2

Bra on = (••)
Bra off= (¿¿)

@deepthoughts2

Wife:- Honey, do you think I gained weight?

Husband:- No, I think the living room got smaller.

@deepthoughts2