On a Job interview

Me: Hello,am here for the job interview

The manager: Great. Do you have experience?

Me: Yes,this is my 20th interview

@deepthoughts2

Tradition is peer pressure from dead people

@deepthoughts2

I was driving on the highway with my wife, and she said, “Hey, you missed a right!”

I said, “Thanks babe. You MRS. Right.”

@deepthoughts2

Everything that you cared about becomes meaningless at some point.

@deepthoughts2

When travelling on foot, we walk because we're too lazy to run, but in video games, we sprint because we're too lazy to walk.

@deepthoughts2

You can't die in the living room

@deepthoughts2

Depression require time to conduct
So busy ur self

@deepthoughts2

I still have shirts that smells like you 🥀

@deepthoughts2

Nobody is busier than a person who don't want you

"Let me sneeze Ima call you back"

Mom: you've been watching movies for hours. Why don't you try reading for a while.

Me: turns on subnoscripts

@deepthoughts2