Mom: you've been watching movies for hours. Why don't you try reading for a while.

Me: turns on subnoscripts

@deepthoughts2

Be a piece of peace.

@deepthoughts2

When playing truth or dare, kids are afraid of the dares while adults are afraid of the truths.

@deepthoughts2

Happiness is an inside job.

@deepthoughts2

Of course you need me to remind you how worthy you are.

@deepthoughts2

I went to the eye doctor.

Eye doctor: Your results aren't good.


Me: Can I see them?


Eye doctor: Probably not.

@deepthoughts2

Dick so small, my condom just asked if I need a roommate for it.

@deepthoughts2

Who are you when no one's watching.

@deepthoughts2

Be kind, life is mirror.

@deepthoughts2

Her angel eye saw the good in money devils..

@deepthoughts2

Men can find Pluto but somehow they can’t find the clit.

@deepthoughts2