Mom: you've been watching movies for hours. Why don't you try reading for a while.

Me: turns on subnoscripts

@deepthoughts2

Be a piece of peace.

@deepthoughts2

When playing truth or dare, kids are afraid of the dares while adults are afraid of the truths.

@deepthoughts2

Happiness is an inside job.

@deepthoughts2

Of course you need me to remind you how worthy you are.

@deepthoughts2

I went to the eye doctor.

Eye doctor: Your results aren't good.


Me: Can I see them?


Eye doctor: Probably not.

@deepthoughts2

Dick so small, my condom just asked if I need a roommate for it.

@deepthoughts2

Who are you when no one's watching.

@deepthoughts2

Be kind, life is mirror.

@deepthoughts2

Her angel eye saw the good in money devils..

@deepthoughts2

Men can find Pluto but somehow they can’t find the clit.

@deepthoughts2

Before you fall in love with someone and confuse them for your soulmate and get your heart broken, make sure to masturbate first just to be certain that you are not in fact just horny.

@deepthoughts2

Calm is a superpower.

@deepthoughts2

You know you have trust issues when you count your money that came outta the ATM 👀

@deepthoughts2

Depression starts with wanting an iPhone and Brazilian hair while you can't afford.

@deepthoughts2

This programme contains graphic scenes of sex and violence which some viewers will really enjoy.

@deepthoughts2

A considerable amount of a youtubers revenue probably comes from people that fall asleep with auto play on.

@deepthoughts2