20 minutes of my element coming your way very soon ★

I offer my bare self to your beautiful hands that once eased the pain, I ask your nails to crawl deep into my skin, a blue soul with an empty cave that once was a home you felt comfort in, I give you dry tears that only know how to breath out, I beg for your punches and stabs, insults and hate and you go right ahead and leave me on seen. Why did you have to do that?

Oh the prayers that went through me, the times I've wanted to sign with the blood in my veins so the honest words come out that speak on behalf of my present.
Is it ever about time?
I could see her taunting and teasing me with the keys on her finger like a calm morning for a man on a 9 to 5. Took me a while to ask why I'm chasing after happiness until I realized what I was chasing after was fulfilment, until I realized I was stuck in trying to prove myself. Does this realization change anything? Am I free yet?

Sometimes I feel really alone. Not lonely but alone. Like the whole world turns it's back but not it's eyes on me, like I feel judged for things I haven't even done yet. The scared little boy in me is forced to come out by their whispers that seem to break me apart so easily and come through, like someone had showed them the doors only I could reach, someone that is noone and everyone, where each hello and every wave is a threat. And for those brief moments that seem like they will never end, until those clouds disappear, I become me and just me, alone, at peace and terrified.
But what is my peace when it's just with myself? Does it mean I don't trust the person that I am? Because pointing fingers at you and them is easier than admitting my forsaken world.

And just like that, element was finished. A first anything is hard and this wasn't any different. Everything connects, and always seems to leave me speechless even knowing that it does. 2 years of this and that came to be, well...this. I thought it would be intuitive, follow the rules, stick to a schedule, persist and you'll have anything...right?....

This broke me and brought me back together. Made me think it was over then gave me back hope I didn't even ask for and learned the hard way that it's not something that is asked. There is just so much that is not said, that cant be said, an incomprehensible infinity uses the simplest arthimetics to make itself more unpredictable, overwhelming to an inevitable destination of hopelessness, Tesfa Asqorach, Tesfa.

I will stop to try and define you but please know I'm still human, I fuck up and try.

When I was told to find myself, I looked for it, outside, at parts of me and claimed and hanged on to the things I was already made of. What a waste of a mistake and breath.

Ironically, being yourself, finding your voice is harder than immitation.

Out Now Listen on Spotify

Out now on Spotify

I'm happy.
Upwards, I looked into an overwhelming sight, who do I thank?
The universe, God perhaps, or myself?
Do I even? or How dare I?

Before I knew it,
I'm already slingshot out of now,
with two sticks and a dilemma, from a place I should belong in but out I go, into an apologetic bow, and in my hands I hold the only gifts I could ever offer to silence the screams from the depths of my lateness; sorrow, my time and I.

Before I know it,
I left.

the trust of the faithless

Nights burning for the wrong reasons, sometimes I wonder if a spark without form is worse than flying close to the sun only to be awakened by the growling limbo wrapped in the spirals of the never-ending until I hear her voice to let it be. There, it becomes about the trust of the faithless.
Jan 9.2021

In my dreams I saw a road I always knew, one I've mastered, every detail memorized, and the road was a space, between two buildings and my walk had always been a jump, an everyday leap of faith.
And within that courage, doubt was never in the equation because...well...I had no reason to.
But one random day I found myself high, off the grounds and paralyzed. The one I was standing on either shrunk or I was suddenly too big for it, the space became too far to even be conceived, that road I once walked by heart became a reason to question my sanity. What is the matter with me? What was I thinking? The familiarity turns against me as I awaken to the realty of where I am and turn around to get back to a safer ground and see I had been in between buildings all along. And I suppose, possibly the one I had just been on would have that breath of relief I suddenly longed for.
Yes, Yes...a coward. That's what I told myself. But I would have never made that jump. I was only a human running blind far up high.

You've set price on my love,
Something that was for you in a present,
Now, It doesn't belong to either of us;
You have currency, and I just have a bad memory that once was bright enough to blind us into seeing You and I in a different light.