Why do I keep thinking about sex but I have no desire to actually do it when the chance is given?

Like I'm not disgusted or opposed to doing it but it's just not exciting to me. In my mind it seems nice but I just never feel like doing it ever and that's been going on for some years already now.

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@asexualityonreddit

Help

I don't know if I'm ace.I like to masturbate.Im don't hate sex or anything but I usually do stuff like that to make my partner happy. I have a problem of saying no, and often do stuff when I don't want too.

https://redd.it/1cig380
@asexualityonreddit

Update to the dating advice thing I asked for like almost a year ago

Update:
It didn’t work out and he’s no longer a friend. We decided to start dating a few weeks after I made this post. I mean, I say we because I guess it was a joint decision. But looking back on it after everything, I realized I only said yes because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I’ve come to realize that my people pleasing tendencies are a lot more damaging than I thought. Anyways, we broke up back before thanksgiving but decided we’d still be friends. That was true until last month he blew up at me out of nowhere. He was frustrated with me for what he viewed as always disagreeing with him and also for never talking to him when I get annoyed by something, leading to him feeling very nervous. I’m not mad at him for feeling frustrated at me. I can admit that I’m not the best at communication, though the disagreeing thing I still don’t fully understand. The real reason I decided to end the friendship is because he then went on to say some stuff that was extremely hurtful. See, when we were dating I confided into him that my biggest source of anxiety was being misunderstood, and that me trying to over explain everything I do comes across as manipulative to others. I worry that I have deluded myself so well that I actually am just an opportunistic asshole who believes he’s a nice person. Well, he used that bit of info to say some stuff that truly hurt. And while I understand that was said in a moment of frustration, I lost all trust in him. He broke all of it. So I ended the friendship because I wasn’t getting anything out of it anymore. In fact, I never really got anything out of it. Our relationship was very one sided. I felt extremely emotionally drained and part of the reason why I never confronted him was because I didn’t have the energy for it. I just felt like I had to constantly hold his emotions on a higher pedestal than my own. So yeah, was blocking him kinda harsh? Probably. But I had no other choice. But what sucks is that he is still very much ingrained in my friend group, so I can’t escape him. But I can’t boot him because even though I was hurt by him, I still believe him to be a good person, and he doesn’t deserve that. Me and him were the ones who had the problem, no one else. But now every time I see him interact with my friends, I start feeling like a husk again. Like I’m the one who should leave because I’m the problem.



Original post:
I (18m) have been openly Asexual for about a year now. I feel pretty neutral when it comes to relationships. I’ve dated before, and decided I wasn’t ready for one, but now that I’m feeling more stable, I’m open to the idea of dating.

Well a month ago, one of my best friends (18m) asked me out on a date. He was already aware of my situation, so I said yes. I wanted to be as up front about everything as possible. I told him I would love to, but I didn’t know if I could provide what he wanted. He said that he wanted to take things slow, and that he’d be happy even without the intimate side.

We’ve been communicating our boundaries about stuff, and have respected each other. I don’t feel any pressure to do stuff I’m not comfortable with. He’s been extremely understanding and helpful when it comes to talking about things. But I don’t know what to do. He’s a great guy who I care for very deeply, but I don’t know if I have any romantic interest in him. Or anyone for that matter. I don’t feel the desire for anything more than just really close friendships. I’m working through the thought of possibly being aromantic

This next part has more to do with my feelings on the potential ramifications of this realization, and less to do with this specific situation. Being aromantic is harder to come to terms with for me than being Asexual. I don’t know what the alternative to having a partner is. I don’t want to be alone, but I don’t think I fit into a romantic relationship.

I’m curious to see other perspectives from people way more experienced this. I know I’m overthinking things, but when I bring this up

to him, he says to just go with the flow and see where this ends up. I know thats the smart thing to do, but I can’t help but to over analyze. Thanks for reading this, and I hope it made sense.

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Who's sexual fantasy isn't this?
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Asexual bandana
https://redd.it/1ciuh3b
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Best way to repair a hematite ring?

A couple years ago, I bought myself a black hematite ring that I've been wearing as an ace ring. It's cracked and chipped over the years, but has stayed surprisingly durable up until today, when I accidentally dropped it onto the concrete. The ring is now in two pieces of roughly equal size.

The ring in question

Does anyone have any suggestions for a way to fix this, preferably beginner friendly? I know how to solder from work, but otherwise I'm not skilled in jewelry-making.

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I can’t enjoy anything, man

https://redd.it/1cijrir
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Asexuality meme I was reminded of
https://redd.it/1ciwccg
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Doctors have sex?!

About a year ago, before I realized I’m ace, I was watching a Dr. Mike video on YouTube when I realized that doctors have sex. Previously, I thought that they didn’t because of STDs and germs.

https://redd.it/1ciwee6
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Pride month is coming soon, so I have these jewelry pieces
https://redd.it/1cingrq
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They said “We don’t ship people,” and I appreciate that
https://redd.it/1ciygwd
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Not based on a true story at all…
https://redd.it/1cj17gx
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A call to arms

The trans community is in extreme danger in Utah. They have set up a hotline to dob on trans people. It is time to flood it, spam it was much as possible with whatever you want!

https://www.reddit.com/r/FTMMen/s/UlEFxnErPX

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What are some characters you head cannon as ace? I’ll go 1st.
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Aesthetic attraction experience - appreciating people's beauty and other stuff

I've only learned about all of the different types of attractions thoroughly a few years back and it's saved me so much stress.
For a while I was confused because I knew I was asexual and aromantic, I just had no idea why I still found people attractive. Until I found out about all of the types of attractions which helped me immensely and I've felt a huge weight come off my shoulders. It helps me organise it all so well in my head, can't imagine living without without this knowledge.
Years of pushing myself to go into relationships just because I found someone pretty is insane and I'm glad it's behind me. I was just so full of aesthetic attraction and had no idea how to let it out or express it. To me there's just something beautiful about everyone (who's not like... A bad person), I can find something precious about almost anyone.

2 years ago I finally let my aesthetic attraction go wild and started giving people more compliments, knowing I don't have to out myself through overthinking and torture and pushing myself to get into a relationship ever again. It made me less stressed and more confident and my social anxiety got so much better. People are just pretty and it makes me happy and that's all there is to it.
I just wish the differences in all the attraction types were taught or at least mentioned in schools. It's insane how far behind education is overall, but that's a different conversation.

If it helps out anyone at all here's the list of all the attractions, who knows maybe it'll help you differentiate all the things you're feeling and make you feel more valid and confident in who you are:

• Sexual attraction

• Romantic attraction

• Physical attraction - Aesthetic attraction

• Sensual attraction

• Emotional attraction

• Professional attraction

• Intellectual attraction

• Spiritual attraction

• Familial bond/connection


And I think these are especially so important for us aces, I feel like some allos only knows that family, romance, platonic friendships and sex are important socially, but there's so much more to it. We're not emotionless robots, but if you ARE honestly... slay, I've nothing against you either, you're probably cool as hell too.

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I thought it was attraction but it was just curiosity.

I just like to try things before I decide if I like it or not and so far eh. I still haven't tried being with a woman which is supposed to be the PEAK of sexual experiences according to most guys so maybe I'll change then but even my partner sees me liking it and fading out of it like I did with him which I totally see.

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Found out my partner is asexual

I am male and my partner is female. We have been married for 4 years. My partner is an incredible person. She is the smartest person I've met. She helped me through grad school. When we first got together we used to be very sexually active. After about a year it began it fade. At first I thought it was because I was in school and because of covid. But once I finished school it never picked back up. More often than not when I would initiate She would tell me she wasn't in the mood. This would lead to stretches of up to 6 months in between sexual encounters.

Last night I tried to do something big to set the mood. I used the things and outfit I knew she liked. As soon as I tried to initiate after setting it up she just said no and I was crest fallen. I took down every thing but was clearly upset and we talked. She eventually told me that in the beginning of our relationship she kept having sex because she felt that's what you were suppossed to do and once we got married she didn't feel the need to as much anymore. This makes her sound much more heartless than how she said it. She was very upset, she clearly had bene hanging onto this for years and didn't want to tell me this but I had been bringing up for the past several years how maybe we needed to see a counselor to help reinvigorate our sex drive.

I don't know what to do. I love this woman. I also have a very very high libido. I really thought that if I was just patient and gave her space and we talked about it we would be able to reclaim our past sexual relationship so the long periods didn't bother me as much before. Now I've just learned that it was never a real drive to begin with. I don't know what to do. I want to stay with this person but sex gives me a strong connection to her.

Idk if there is medication thst lowers sex drive or what. Are there any success stories for high libido and ace couples? Are we going to just drive each other mad?

https://redd.it/1cj4ig3
@asexualityonreddit