Hard to imagine political rhetoric more microtargeted at me than 'I love Venn diagrams. I really do, I love Venn diagrams. It's just something about those three circles.'

People think power over ethernet is so great, and yet when I try to do water over ethernet everyone yells at me.

Thankfully for everyone involved, the Winter Olympics officials spotted me and managed to stop me before I got to the ski jump.

Buildings constructed from softer materials were damaged by chili pepper impacts to the storm's high Richter-Fujita-Scoville-Mohs hardness rating.

Calligraphy exam: Write down the number 37, spelled out, nicely.

He was the first person to land a 900, which is especially impressive because pulling off a half-integer spin requires obeying Fermi-Dirac statistics.

This only makes it more urgent that we adopt my roadmap for the next 10 years, which should put us solidly in the lead.

[Political pundit on the ScrabbleTV News channel] "After four years of defying orthographic pressure, Joe ceded the top of the ticket to Kamala, who--after considering Josh, Mark, Andy, Roy, and Pete--picked Tim."

If you hold the meteor too long, it may imprint on you and form a contact binary, making reintroduction to space difficult.

If we can get a brood of 13-year cicadas going, we might have a chance at making this happen before the oceans evaporate under the expanding sun.

Our lawyers were worried because it turns out the company inherits its debt from the parent universe, but luckily cosmic inflation reduced it to nearly zero.

They left the belt drive in place but switched which wheel was powered, so people could choose between a regular ride, a long ride, and a REALLY long ride.

We're considering installing a pressurization system to keep the tanks at constant pressure solely to deter them.

Personally I think mercury is more of a 'wet earth' hybrid element.

Many a hungry time traveler has Googled 'trilobites shellfish allergy' only to find their carrier had no coverage in the Ordovician.

The secret fourth kind is 'we applied a standard theory to their map of every tree and got some suspicious results.'

At least they're not alone down there.

During the day it also activates for neat clouds and pretty sunsets.

Hey, golf balls float on lava, so this should make recovering them from the hazards easier.

In my reboot, Dennis the Menace was just trying to send Mr. Wilson a nice comet, but accidentally wiped out his dinosaur garden.