Last night my girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed…

2 minutes later she told me all the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

@deepthoughts2

*Burns calories*

*Calories start screaming*

@deepthoughts2

If you wanna shine like sun
You must burn like it‼

@deepthoughts2

That awkward moment when you both are typing, So you stop and let them talk first, but they do the same.

@deepthoughts2

The only things we know about serial killers are things we know about serial killers who got caught.

@deepthoughts2

I'm ugly fine.I'm cute but you can't be starting at me too long because you will start noticing shit

@deepthoughts

Earth travels 1.6 million miles per day. Yesterday’s problems are literally 1.6 million miles away.

@deepthoughts2

Females are so extra dramatic when they get mad. Everything is "Bye" "Delete my number" "i'm done" "i hate you" "You wont hear from me anymore" "Have a blessed life" "Leave me alone" and then they sit there waiting for reply.

@deepthoughts2

When i had all the answers
The question changed.

@deepthoughts2

Replacing the W with T in What, When and Where answers those phrases.

@deepthoughts2

How do you open a parachute?

I need answers quickly please.

@deepthoughts2

Take nothing for granted just because the sun will rise tomorrow doesn't mean you will

@deepthoughts2

"But who prays for Satan? Who, in 21 centuries,has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?"
-Mark twain
@deepthoughts2

The less seriously you take yourself on the internet, the more fun you have.

@deepthoughts2

Relax you are just overthinking.

@deepthoughts2

I can cut a piece of wood in two pieces just by looking at it.

It may seem impossible, but I saw it with my own two eyes

@deepthoughts2

Having the name fikr
must be hard
U don't know if someone is flirting with u or calling u

@deepthoughts2

Toilet papers is sold out everywhere due to assholes

@deepthoughts2