2 reasons I don't give money to homeless people:

1. They would spend it on alcohol.

2. I want to spend it on alcohol.
🙄

My dream job is being unemployed and getting paid in six figures

The difference between a bitch and a girl is, a bitch won’t get offended reading this

Truth or Dare in middle school is more like “who do you like” or “do awkward sexual task”.

Know the difference between “situationship” and “relationship”

Never trust a fat doctor and a skinny chef

Life disappointments are harder to take if you don't know any swear words.

@deepthoughts2

Ist day of relationship:
Girl breathes
BOY: careful babe it's polluted

@deepthoughts2

Females have special power ..theyget wet without water....they bleed without injury..they make boneless meat hard...n they can make males eat without cooking.

@deepthoughts2

The voice in your head also changes from a child's to an adult with you as you grow up.

@deepthoughts2

If my mouth don’t say it, my face definitely will.

@deepthoughts2

me: Nothing can stop me now

myself: *stops me*

@deepthoughts2

I have my drug dealer on speed dial.

@deepthoughts2

Guess what's the worst part of continuous defeat? Getting used to losing. Getting used to that and forgetting how to win

@deepthoughts2

There's like a million different ways to say " I love you."
'Put your seat belt on'
'Get some rest'
'Did you eat?'

...you just have to listen

@deepthoughts2

Sometimes you need to burn bridges to stop yourself from crossing them again

@deepthoughts2

Dear God

Whatever Bill Gates said when he prayed
Amen 🙏😭

@deepthoughts2

Teachers be like
Tomorrow we doing unprepared speech. Please prepare yourself

@deepthoughts2

The image you see in the mirror and the voice you hear while talking is not how the rest of world sees and hears you.

@deepthoughts2

Those ምስኪን ፍተሻ guards never find what they're looking for

@deepthoughts2