Children need present, attentive parents, *both* the mother and the father.
Sometimes when I berate the kids when I'm in a tired or annoyed mood, they go to my husband who soothes them. Other times, when their father gives them a certain strict deadline or a difficult task, they come to me to explain it or provide a bit of help or suggestions on how to begin. Sometimes, my husband will give the kids a special treat that they never get with me, or sometimes it's the other way around.
As the mother and father, my husband and I will take turns playing different roles with the kids. We are very careful never to undermine the authority of the other parent or to create any confusing contradictions. Buy we definitely play off of one another in any given situation like good cop, bad cop. All to achieve a coherent, unified result of providing solid tarbiya (تربية) and raising children who are physically healthy, emotionally stable, psychologically sound, mentally sharp, and who are connected to Islam inshaAllah.
When one parent is stricter, the other is more lenient.
When one parent disciplines the children, the other indulges them (up to a point!).
When one parent chastises the children, the other comforts.
When one parent teaches adult skills and habits, the other humors childish and childlike quirks in the children.
When one parent shows necessary harshness, the other gives a bit of softness.
When one parent is concerned with the end results, the other acknowledges and praises efforts and intentions.
When one parent encourages adventures and risk taking, the other serves as safety and comfort in the familiar.
When one parent instills structure and schedules, the other gently reminds to stop and smell the roses sometimes.
When one parent teaches hard work and having a good work ethic, the other encourages the children to still have fun along the way.
In the process of tarbiya, both the mother and the father are necessary to provide a delicate balance between justice and mercy, love and discipline, work and play.
The interplay between the masculine and the feminine influences in parenting children is fascinating.
Both are important.
The difference is beautiful.
Sometimes when I berate the kids when I'm in a tired or annoyed mood, they go to my husband who soothes them. Other times, when their father gives them a certain strict deadline or a difficult task, they come to me to explain it or provide a bit of help or suggestions on how to begin. Sometimes, my husband will give the kids a special treat that they never get with me, or sometimes it's the other way around.
As the mother and father, my husband and I will take turns playing different roles with the kids. We are very careful never to undermine the authority of the other parent or to create any confusing contradictions. Buy we definitely play off of one another in any given situation like good cop, bad cop. All to achieve a coherent, unified result of providing solid tarbiya (تربية) and raising children who are physically healthy, emotionally stable, psychologically sound, mentally sharp, and who are connected to Islam inshaAllah.
When one parent is stricter, the other is more lenient.
When one parent disciplines the children, the other indulges them (up to a point!).
When one parent chastises the children, the other comforts.
When one parent teaches adult skills and habits, the other humors childish and childlike quirks in the children.
When one parent shows necessary harshness, the other gives a bit of softness.
When one parent is concerned with the end results, the other acknowledges and praises efforts and intentions.
When one parent encourages adventures and risk taking, the other serves as safety and comfort in the familiar.
When one parent instills structure and schedules, the other gently reminds to stop and smell the roses sometimes.
When one parent teaches hard work and having a good work ethic, the other encourages the children to still have fun along the way.
In the process of tarbiya, both the mother and the father are necessary to provide a delicate balance between justice and mercy, love and discipline, work and play.
The interplay between the masculine and the feminine influences in parenting children is fascinating.
Both are important.
The difference is beautiful.
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Encouragement for the youth to get married young to avoid fitna and for us as parents to help them with finding suitable partners.
👍17
I grew up with both my parents consistently leaving us throughout the years since they separated.
That turned into childhood trauma, forming an anxious attachment in me.
Growing up, I am always anxious about people leaving me, so I do everything to please them even if that costed me more traumatic painful experiences.
So when I love, I love greatly, I love in full. Sometimes, I loved too much, which pushed some people away.
Now that I am starting to learn how to prioritize myself, my emotions, and my needs for the first time, finally, my trauma is healing.
I still love greatly, though. But now I am just giving it to those who are deserving of the energy and love. I become sensitive when I sense people trying to hurt me by either abandoning me or giving me the silent treatment; I immediately withdraw myself and do not chase them, because I learned that, that too much pleasing isn't healthy at all.
I can't hurt myself to protect others' feelings anymore. It was an exhausting journey. I am now healing, so to people who choose disconnection over keeping me, all I can say is I have no regrets at all because, again, when I love, I do love greatly. I make efforts and ensure I am there when you need me, and I don't give up on people that easily. I know I did not wrong you in the first place. 💗
But I am no longer chasing the trauma. I deserve love and respect the way I give it to people too.
And to those who give the love and respect that I need, Allaah has sent you all as a gift, you're healing me. ✨ Alhamdulillāh, Allaah removes people from our lives to protect us and replace them with those who are best for us. 🥹
That turned into childhood trauma, forming an anxious attachment in me.
Growing up, I am always anxious about people leaving me, so I do everything to please them even if that costed me more traumatic painful experiences.
So when I love, I love greatly, I love in full. Sometimes, I loved too much, which pushed some people away.
Now that I am starting to learn how to prioritize myself, my emotions, and my needs for the first time, finally, my trauma is healing.
I still love greatly, though. But now I am just giving it to those who are deserving of the energy and love. I become sensitive when I sense people trying to hurt me by either abandoning me or giving me the silent treatment; I immediately withdraw myself and do not chase them, because I learned that, that too much pleasing isn't healthy at all.
I can't hurt myself to protect others' feelings anymore. It was an exhausting journey. I am now healing, so to people who choose disconnection over keeping me, all I can say is I have no regrets at all because, again, when I love, I do love greatly. I make efforts and ensure I am there when you need me, and I don't give up on people that easily. I know I did not wrong you in the first place. 💗
But I am no longer chasing the trauma. I deserve love and respect the way I give it to people too.
And to those who give the love and respect that I need, Allaah has sent you all as a gift, you're healing me. ✨ Alhamdulillāh, Allaah removes people from our lives to protect us and replace them with those who are best for us. 🥹
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🔴Advice
Do not befriend someone who is disobedient to his parents⚠️
He has not been loyal to his father and mother, so how will he be loyal to you⚠️💥
Do not befriend someone who is disobedient to his parents⚠️
He has not been loyal to his father and mother, so how will he be loyal to you⚠️💥
👍18💯6
Be Just Between Your Sons And Daughters
Anas bin Mālik (radhiyallāhu'anhu) reported: A man was with the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, when his son came. He kissed him and sat him down on his thigh. Then, his daughter came and she sat to his side. The Prophet said, “Why do you not treat them equally?”
Source: Sharḥ Maʻānī al-Āthār 3838
Grade: Hasan (fair) according to Al-Albani
عَنْ أَنَسٍ قَالَ كَانَ مَعَ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ رَجُلٌ فَجَاءَ ابْنٌ لَهُ فَقَبَّلَهُ وَأَجْلَسَهُ عَلَى فَخِذِهِ ثُمَّ جَاءَتْ بِنْتٌ لَهُ فَأَجْلَسَهَا إِلَى جَنْبِهِ قَالَ فَهَلا عَدَلْتَ بَيْنَهُمَا
3838 شرح معاني الآثار كتاب الهبة والصدقة باب الرجل ينحل بعض بنيه دون بعض
7/263 المحدث الألباني خلاصة حكم المحدث إسناده حسن في السلسلة الصحيحة
It is recommended to treat children equally in gift-giving and in all kinds of kindness, even kisses, whether they are male or female, so that there will not be anything in the heart of the less-favoured one that will keep him from honouring the parents.” (Sharh As-Sunnah, 8/297)
It was narrated that Ibrahim An-Nakha`i (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “They regarded it as recommended for a man to treat his children equally even with regard to kissing.” (Musannaf Ibn Abu Shaybah, 11/221)
The Companions Acted Upon The Prophetic Guidance
Ibrāhīm an-Nakha'ī (d. 95/96 H) said:
"They (the companions) used to like to treat their children equally even in respect to the kiss."
Do Not Hate The Daughters.
قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم : لا تكرهوا البنات فإنهن المؤنسات ، الغاليات.
The Messenger of Allāh ﷺ said: “DO NOT hate the daughters for indeed they are friendly and precious.”
● [سلسلة الأحاديث الصحيحة ٣٢٠٦]
Anas bin Mālik (radhiyallāhu'anhu) reported: A man was with the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, when his son came. He kissed him and sat him down on his thigh. Then, his daughter came and she sat to his side. The Prophet said, “Why do you not treat them equally?”
Source: Sharḥ Maʻānī al-Āthār 3838
Grade: Hasan (fair) according to Al-Albani
عَنْ أَنَسٍ قَالَ كَانَ مَعَ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ رَجُلٌ فَجَاءَ ابْنٌ لَهُ فَقَبَّلَهُ وَأَجْلَسَهُ عَلَى فَخِذِهِ ثُمَّ جَاءَتْ بِنْتٌ لَهُ فَأَجْلَسَهَا إِلَى جَنْبِهِ قَالَ فَهَلا عَدَلْتَ بَيْنَهُمَا
3838 شرح معاني الآثار كتاب الهبة والصدقة باب الرجل ينحل بعض بنيه دون بعض
7/263 المحدث الألباني خلاصة حكم المحدث إسناده حسن في السلسلة الصحيحة
It is recommended to treat children equally in gift-giving and in all kinds of kindness, even kisses, whether they are male or female, so that there will not be anything in the heart of the less-favoured one that will keep him from honouring the parents.” (Sharh As-Sunnah, 8/297)
It was narrated that Ibrahim An-Nakha`i (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “They regarded it as recommended for a man to treat his children equally even with regard to kissing.” (Musannaf Ibn Abu Shaybah, 11/221)
The Companions Acted Upon The Prophetic Guidance
Ibrāhīm an-Nakha'ī (d. 95/96 H) said:
"They (the companions) used to like to treat their children equally even in respect to the kiss."
Do Not Hate The Daughters.
قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم : لا تكرهوا البنات فإنهن المؤنسات ، الغاليات.
The Messenger of Allāh ﷺ said: “DO NOT hate the daughters for indeed they are friendly and precious.”
● [سلسلة الأحاديث الصحيحة ٣٢٠٦]
💯11👍2
Forwarded from Muslim Marriage Tips
🍃🍃
▪️الأم أو الزوجـــة ⁉️
▪️سُئل الشيخ صالح بن فوزان الفوزان حفظه الله تعالى ما نصه :
أمي تسكن بمفردها مستوحشة ، وأخشى عليها ، وتلح علي أن أنقلها إلى بيتي لتسكن معي وأرعاها وتأنس بي ، وزوجتي مصرة على الرفض لمشاركة أمي لها في البيت ،فهل أطيع زوجتي أو أمي ؟
▪️فأجاب حفظه الله قائلا :
إذا كانت هذه الزوجة لا تتلاءم مع والدتك فأسكنها وحدها وأسكن أمك معك ، أو فالتمس زوجة غيرها تساعدك على بر والدتك .
أما إنك تضيع والدتك وتذهب مع زوجتك وتطيع زوجتك ؛ هذا أمر لا يجوز ، هذا من العقوق .
📖 مجموعة رسائل دعوية ومنهجية(١٨٩/٢)
The mother or the wife?
Shaykh Saalih bin Fawzan Al-Fawzan (may Allah preserve him) was asked:
My mother lives alone lonely and I fear for her, so I want to bring her to my house to take care of her and keep her company. However, my wife refuses to share the house with my mother. Should I obey my wife or my mother?
He may Allaah have mercy upon him replied saying:
If your wife does not get along with your mother, then house them separately, or find another wife who will help you take care of your mother.
But if you abandon your mother and side with your wife, this is not permissible and is from disobedience to your parents.
_
Majmoo'atu Ar-Rasaa-il Da'wiyyatu wa Manhajiyyatu (2/189)
https://news.1rj.ru/str/MuslimMarriageTips
▪️الأم أو الزوجـــة ⁉️
▪️سُئل الشيخ صالح بن فوزان الفوزان حفظه الله تعالى ما نصه :
أمي تسكن بمفردها مستوحشة ، وأخشى عليها ، وتلح علي أن أنقلها إلى بيتي لتسكن معي وأرعاها وتأنس بي ، وزوجتي مصرة على الرفض لمشاركة أمي لها في البيت ،فهل أطيع زوجتي أو أمي ؟
▪️فأجاب حفظه الله قائلا :
إذا كانت هذه الزوجة لا تتلاءم مع والدتك فأسكنها وحدها وأسكن أمك معك ، أو فالتمس زوجة غيرها تساعدك على بر والدتك .
أما إنك تضيع والدتك وتذهب مع زوجتك وتطيع زوجتك ؛ هذا أمر لا يجوز ، هذا من العقوق .
📖 مجموعة رسائل دعوية ومنهجية(١٨٩/٢)
The mother or the wife?
Shaykh Saalih bin Fawzan Al-Fawzan (may Allah preserve him) was asked:
My mother lives alone lonely and I fear for her, so I want to bring her to my house to take care of her and keep her company. However, my wife refuses to share the house with my mother. Should I obey my wife or my mother?
He may Allaah have mercy upon him replied saying:
If your wife does not get along with your mother, then house them separately, or find another wife who will help you take care of your mother.
But if you abandon your mother and side with your wife, this is not permissible and is from disobedience to your parents.
_
Majmoo'atu Ar-Rasaa-il Da'wiyyatu wa Manhajiyyatu (2/189)
https://news.1rj.ru/str/MuslimMarriageTips
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Muslim Marriage Tips
The most successful couples, are those, who don’t live according to the expectations of others. They don’t look around & try to copy others, instead, they look towards one another and start this journey of marriage with trust in Allaah and each other.
👍10
“WHEN PARENTS GET OLD... Let them grow old with the same love they raised you with. Let them talk and tell stories over and over again with the same patience and interest they listened to you as a child. Let them win, as they have often let you win. Let them enjoy their friends, conversations with their grandchildren... Let them enjoy living among the objects that have accompanied them for a long time, because they suffer when they feel that you are tearing pieces of their life . Let them make mistakes, as you have done so many times. LET THEM LIVE and try to make them happy on the last leg of their journey, the same way they shook your hand when you started yours." 😊
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"Magnify your own worth by being able to ignore (and overlook)"
al-‘Iraqi (rahimahullah) said:
This is a rule my father (may Allah have mercy on him) would cultivate in me in my youth, whenever he saw my anger due to (distasteful) words others directed at me.
[al-Hafidh al-‘Iraqi (rahimahullah), Tarh al-Tathrib fi Sharh al-Taqrib, 8/111]
al-‘Iraqi (rahimahullah) said:
This is a rule my father (may Allah have mercy on him) would cultivate in me in my youth, whenever he saw my anger due to (distasteful) words others directed at me.
[al-Hafidh al-‘Iraqi (rahimahullah), Tarh al-Tathrib fi Sharh al-Taqrib, 8/111]
👍5
Remember this statement whenever ur going through a difficulty, feeling powerless, confused or defeated. Subhaan Allah this powerful statement really does give u ease & strength everytime u recite it with conviction & sincerity.
Teach ur kids this dhikr as well & remind them that that its Allah Subhaana wa ta'aala, the Almighty, who will solve their problem & make things easier for them no matter what the situation is.
Teach ur kids this dhikr as well & remind them that that its Allah Subhaana wa ta'aala, the Almighty, who will solve their problem & make things easier for them no matter what the situation is.
👍14💯7
Mothers with sons should remember they have a responsibility of raising great future Men.
As mothers things to say to your sons:
🔹You are strong
Let them know real strength is resilience and courage. It will make them mentally strong to face tough situations.
🔹You are brave
Tell them they are brave when they do things that made them afraid but they faced their fear.
🔹You are smart
When you let them know they are intelligent it helps them become problem solvers, not just those who react without thinking.
🔹You are kind
It reinforces gentle and kind behaviour to others and reminds them that there actions and words matter.
🔹You are handsome
They need to know that they are attractive
🔹You amaze me
The next time they do something amazing tell them you have surprised me and put you in a state of awe. It’s a great confident booster.
🔹I am always here for you
As boys grow older they start talking less but they need to know your love, affection, and listening ear is always there.
When they need you, they will be able to
come to you because you've proven your love is unconditional.
🔹I will always love you, no matter what
Boys are natural risk-takers so they will test different ideas and sometimes they will fail. But they need to know that no matter what they do wrong or where they fail, they can't lose your love.
Raise your boys with Love, Respect, Support and most importantly boost their Confidence.
As mothers things to say to your sons:
🔹You are strong
Let them know real strength is resilience and courage. It will make them mentally strong to face tough situations.
🔹You are brave
Tell them they are brave when they do things that made them afraid but they faced their fear.
🔹You are smart
When you let them know they are intelligent it helps them become problem solvers, not just those who react without thinking.
🔹You are kind
It reinforces gentle and kind behaviour to others and reminds them that there actions and words matter.
🔹You are handsome
They need to know that they are attractive
🔹You amaze me
The next time they do something amazing tell them you have surprised me and put you in a state of awe. It’s a great confident booster.
🔹I am always here for you
As boys grow older they start talking less but they need to know your love, affection, and listening ear is always there.
When they need you, they will be able to
come to you because you've proven your love is unconditional.
🔹I will always love you, no matter what
Boys are natural risk-takers so they will test different ideas and sometimes they will fail. But they need to know that no matter what they do wrong or where they fail, they can't lose your love.
Raise your boys with Love, Respect, Support and most importantly boost their Confidence.
💯25👍10
📌As a parent, it's your responsibility to rearrange your life to benefit your children. Not the other way around.
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“You may not always be a queen to your husband but you will always be a princess to your father.”
Sounds heart-warming. But we know that there are imperfect families whose parents fail to treat their children right.
So, instead of measuring our worth relevant to the people around us, the standard must be the only one ever-existing and never changing.
So, I say “You may never be a queen of your household or princess of your parents, but you, as a woman blessed with hidayah by Allah, consistent and firm upon His deen, are a wise trader who sacrifice this worldy life for the everlasting pleasure in Jannah.”
As Allah said,
۞ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ ٱشْتَرَىٰ مِنَ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ أَنفُسَهُمْ وَأَمْوَٰلَهُم بِأَنَّ
لَهُمُ ٱلْجَنَّةَ
“Indeed, Allāh has purchased from the believers their lives and their properties [in exchange] for that they will have Paradise.” (Qur’an 9:111)
Sounds heart-warming. But we know that there are imperfect families whose parents fail to treat their children right.
So, instead of measuring our worth relevant to the people around us, the standard must be the only one ever-existing and never changing.
So, I say “You may never be a queen of your household or princess of your parents, but you, as a woman blessed with hidayah by Allah, consistent and firm upon His deen, are a wise trader who sacrifice this worldy life for the everlasting pleasure in Jannah.”
As Allah said,
۞ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ ٱشْتَرَىٰ مِنَ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ أَنفُسَهُمْ وَأَمْوَٰلَهُم بِأَنَّ
لَهُمُ ٱلْجَنَّةَ
“Indeed, Allāh has purchased from the believers their lives and their properties [in exchange] for that they will have Paradise.” (Qur’an 9:111)
💯18👍6⚡1