You will never know a person's true strength until you try to steal their covers in the middle of the night.

@deepthoughts2

Out of all the lies I've told "just kidding"is my favourite.

@deepthoughts2

If YouTube ever goes down nobody will ever figure out how to tie a tie again

@deepthoughts2

We try to go to bed early, so we can wake up early, to get to work early. We try to leave work early if we can, so we can make dinner early, all so we can die early from stress related diseases. Maybe late isn't so bad.

@deepthoughts2

There is always two side of stories in a break up your's and dipshit's.

@deepthoughts2

There is no logical reason for shorts to be the same price as pants.

@deepthoughts2

He said he wanna date so I gave him a calendar.

@deepthoughts2

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each other from the other.

@deepthoughts2

Sometimes we have to let go of what is killing us even if its killing us to let go

@deepthoughts2

A person who has nothing to lose will help you lose everything you ever worked for.

@deepthoughts2

My favourite animals in the zoo are just random birds walking around like they belong. Go home,this is fancy bird town

@deepthoughts2

Welcome to my country where parents remove their glass just to hear exactly what you're saying.

@deepthoughts2

This nigga with five kids in his backseat is complaining about traffic

Your 5 kids will add more when they grow up.

@deepthoughts2

"I hate dimples"

--every fucking person who wants attention

@deepthoughts2

Roses are green
Violets are green
Everything is green
Everything is black.

My night vision goggles need new batteries.

Every high school has that annoying security guard who acts like the principal.

@deepthoughts2

Approach life with the same confidence that random Indian men approach women online.

@deepthoughts2

If it makes you happy it doesn’t need to make sense to anybody else

@deepthoughts2

People sorting by new are literally sacrificing their brain cells to save us from other peoples ignorance.

@deepthoughts2

Happy National Anaesthesia Day, everyb..................

@deepthoughts2

I said to my wife, "I said a prayer for your mother last night."

She said, "Why? She's not dying."

I said, "I know, why do you think I was praying."

@deepthoughts2