My favourite animals in the zoo are just random birds walking around like they belong. Go home,this is fancy bird town

@deepthoughts2

Welcome to my country where parents remove their glass just to hear exactly what you're saying.

@deepthoughts2

This nigga with five kids in his backseat is complaining about traffic

Your 5 kids will add more when they grow up.

@deepthoughts2

"I hate dimples"

--every fucking person who wants attention

@deepthoughts2

Roses are green
Violets are green
Everything is green
Everything is black.

My night vision goggles need new batteries.

Every high school has that annoying security guard who acts like the principal.

@deepthoughts2

Approach life with the same confidence that random Indian men approach women online.

@deepthoughts2

If it makes you happy it doesn’t need to make sense to anybody else

@deepthoughts2

People sorting by new are literally sacrificing their brain cells to save us from other peoples ignorance.

@deepthoughts2

Happy National Anaesthesia Day, everyb..................

@deepthoughts2

I said to my wife, "I said a prayer for your mother last night."

She said, "Why? She's not dying."

I said, "I know, why do you think I was praying."

@deepthoughts2

If it walks like a duck, looks like a duck, and sounds like a duck.

Should be a duck.

@deepthoughts2

Someone has just bet me that I cannot make a sentence without using the letter 'e'.

How the fuck am I going to do that?

@deepthoughts2

If dogs could use phones, they'd file missing persons reports all day long.

@deepthoughts2

You know you’re good at something when you can convincingly pretend to be bad at it to spare someone’s feelings.

@deepthoughts2

Realistically, no one's going to recognize a zig zag until it becomes a zig zag zig.

@deepthoughts2

I'm not a prophet but the person reading this is holding a phone with a cracked screen.🚶‍♂️

@deepthoughts2

I've been hearing things like "Legends are born in October,. Kings & Queens born in June" ..but these April babies are so silent...... Fools are born in which month?😂😂😂🤣

@deepthoughts2

Can't wait to get rich and tell people that "money is not everything,as long as u happy"😏

@deepthoughts2

You drink your saliva all the time, but as soon as it leaves your mouth it’s disgusting to think about drinking it.

@deepthoughts2

That awkward moment when your mom is washing the dishes and you put one in the sink.

@deepthoughts2