There is no logical reason for shorts to be the same price as pants.

@deepthoughts2

He said he wanna date so I gave him a calendar.

@deepthoughts2

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each other from the other.

@deepthoughts2

Sometimes we have to let go of what is killing us even if its killing us to let go

@deepthoughts2

A person who has nothing to lose will help you lose everything you ever worked for.

@deepthoughts2

My favourite animals in the zoo are just random birds walking around like they belong. Go home,this is fancy bird town

@deepthoughts2

Welcome to my country where parents remove their glass just to hear exactly what you're saying.

@deepthoughts2

This nigga with five kids in his backseat is complaining about traffic

Your 5 kids will add more when they grow up.

@deepthoughts2

"I hate dimples"

--every fucking person who wants attention

@deepthoughts2

Roses are green
Violets are green
Everything is green
Everything is black.

My night vision goggles need new batteries.

Every high school has that annoying security guard who acts like the principal.

@deepthoughts2

Approach life with the same confidence that random Indian men approach women online.

@deepthoughts2

If it makes you happy it doesn’t need to make sense to anybody else

@deepthoughts2

People sorting by new are literally sacrificing their brain cells to save us from other peoples ignorance.

@deepthoughts2

Happy National Anaesthesia Day, everyb..................

@deepthoughts2

I said to my wife, "I said a prayer for your mother last night."

She said, "Why? She's not dying."

I said, "I know, why do you think I was praying."

@deepthoughts2

If it walks like a duck, looks like a duck, and sounds like a duck.

Should be a duck.

@deepthoughts2

Someone has just bet me that I cannot make a sentence without using the letter 'e'.

How the fuck am I going to do that?

@deepthoughts2

If dogs could use phones, they'd file missing persons reports all day long.

@deepthoughts2

You know you’re good at something when you can convincingly pretend to be bad at it to spare someone’s feelings.

@deepthoughts2

Realistically, no one's going to recognize a zig zag until it becomes a zig zag zig.

@deepthoughts2